I took a bit to try and remember where all my identities came from and an interesting thing to note is how quickly external validation can change your identity.
As a kid my only socialization was my mother, all she complimented was academics, I saw myself as the smart kid, studying was easy
My first romantic success was related to depression commiseration, I started to see that as my identity, suddenly I became way more depressed, most things got harder (especially whenever I’m actively dating)
I was an awful wrestler, then my one-trick-pony move started getting referred to by a nickname with my name in it, suddenly I found training easy and actually got good
Once I cooked for other people and got praised for it I was able to cook complicated meals in the depths of my worst depressions when I can’t get out of bed for literally anything other than cooking
I guess what I’m saying is yall need to compliment me for starting a side project this month so I actually stick to it instead of laying around reading Reddit all the time
Great work on the side project you started! I lack the words to even describe it. You don’t seem at all like the type of person who lies around reading Reddit all the time, and I should know.
Yeah, this is definitely something I also fell. This goes back to what another comment points out: identities are dangerous beasts. I guess what I take from Atomic Habits specifically is that you can influence your identity more than I expected. These identity-based habits are not as flashy and reinforcing than compliments and positive social things, but in my experience they do pile up. And they have the benefit of being mostly in your control.
For example, instead of me praising you for starting your side project, you could create a very small habit, like “Think for 5 minutes (set a timer) about what I could do in my side project”. Maybe that’ll help. ;)
I took a bit to try and remember where all my identities came from and an interesting thing to note is how quickly external validation can change your identity.
As a kid my only socialization was my mother, all she complimented was academics, I saw myself as the smart kid, studying was easy
My first romantic success was related to depression commiseration, I started to see that as my identity, suddenly I became way more depressed, most things got harder (especially whenever I’m actively dating)
I was an awful wrestler, then my one-trick-pony move started getting referred to by a nickname with my name in it, suddenly I found training easy and actually got good
Once I cooked for other people and got praised for it I was able to cook complicated meals in the depths of my worst depressions when I can’t get out of bed for literally anything other than cooking
I guess what I’m saying is yall need to compliment me for starting a side project this month so I actually stick to it instead of laying around reading Reddit all the time
Great work on the side project you started! I lack the words to even describe it. You don’t seem at all like the type of person who lies around reading Reddit all the time, and I should know.
XD
<3
Yeah, this is definitely something I also fell. This goes back to what another comment points out: identities are dangerous beasts. I guess what I take from Atomic Habits specifically is that you can influence your identity more than I expected. These identity-based habits are not as flashy and reinforcing than compliments and positive social things, but in my experience they do pile up. And they have the benefit of being mostly in your control.
For example, instead of me praising you for starting your side project, you could create a very small habit, like “Think for 5 minutes (set a timer) about what I could do in my side project”. Maybe that’ll help. ;)