“Perfectionism as a stubborn, sentimental and arrogant attachment to ones own high standards” is not my explanation for when I get stuck with spending excessive amounts of time trying to force marginal returns. But a simple reframe is not a solution, because high standards are not the problem.
I think marginal returns being sub-optimal is obvious enough when it happens and “opportunity cost” is a cool word that humans probably understand instinctually, so I don’t know if this is a plausible explanation of the root cause.
Marginal returns for effort become quickly obvious to me, yet I cannot stop myself from expending it, anyway, which adds to the frustration! I think this issue has nothing to do with something abstract like guilt or values, but from logistical issues at a lower level of the stack.
I flinch away from updating my plans when hitting marginal returns, because I am instinctively afraid of the sheer complexity of the inherent uncertainties of planning. Broadening the scope of my awareness again, reincluding original assumptions, actions and schedules decided on, comparing it with what just happened and how it is evidence for/against for modified or entirely new relevant assumptions and having to define new actions and schedules..… going back to that level of uncertainty, that’s extremely difficult, when you are semi-comfortable with the certainty of executing one thing after another and doing only minimal, adaptive course changes.
I do not think that you are really attached to the planned outcomes, in as much you are attached to the flow of “knowing what to do”. And mode switches like that are cognitively expensive. Worse yet, the actual cost is mostly opaque to you, since you can’t see dopamine concentration and other neurotransmitter levels in real time [even if you could perfectly interpret them], and under uncertainty you’re more risk-avoidant. The risk being, that you get derailed entirely and neither plan for nor act on and in fact, completely forget your original intention.
[my argument makes too many inferential leaps, I noticed, this is a summary of something that I would need more time to write; though I’m happy to elaborate on specific points]
Thanks for sharing! I think that what you are talking about is another common cause of procrastination! IME what you are talking about is usually experienced as overwhelm or ambiguity, rather than perfectionism, and it will be the subject of another article.
To be clear, I’m not invalidating that you experience this underlying fear on the surface as perfectionism, it just hasn’t how it’s presented to the people I’ve worked with.
Yeah, fair enough. Probably was typical-minding. I just want my actions to result in excellent things quickly. And the frustration and demotivation when that is not working out, is something I can relate to. But that’s not perfectionism?
I personally don’t experience all those things you mentioned, though. Sounds downright alien, this guilt thing and all this obsession with shoulds and musts. Or worrying about meeting expectations from boss/God/parents/whatever. It sounds rather exhausting.
Btw, that penultimate line: “Use @byronkaties The Work to explore.” seems out of place. Is that a Twitter-thing?
Ahh yeup must have forgotten to edit that when I ported over from twitter.
Sounds downright alien, this guilt thing and all this obsession with shoulds and musts. Or worrying about meeting expectations from boss/God/parents/whatever. It sounds rather exhausting.
Yeah, it’s very possible that you don’t experience it.
It’s also possible it’s there for you, but in shadow, as talked about in the article. Might be worth spending 10 minutes probing feelings around obligations to see if any sense of “not wanting to look” or “attention being yanked away” comes up, as that’s a good sign that there’s something there you don’t want to acknowledge.
In general though not everyone experiences these sort of feelings so it’s equally possible you’re one of them.
“Perfectionism as a stubborn, sentimental and arrogant attachment to ones own high standards” is not my explanation for when I get stuck with spending excessive amounts of time trying to force marginal returns.
But a simple reframe is not a solution, because high standards are not the problem.
I think marginal returns being sub-optimal is obvious enough when it happens and “opportunity cost” is a cool word that humans probably understand instinctually, so I don’t know if this is a plausible explanation of the root cause.
Marginal returns for effort become quickly obvious to me, yet I cannot stop myself from expending it, anyway, which adds to the frustration!
I think this issue has nothing to do with something abstract like guilt or values, but from logistical issues at a lower level of the stack.
I flinch away from updating my plans when hitting marginal returns, because I am instinctively afraid of the sheer complexity of the inherent uncertainties of planning.
Broadening the scope of my awareness again, reincluding original assumptions, actions and schedules decided on, comparing it with what just happened and how it is evidence for/against for modified or entirely new relevant assumptions and having to define new actions and schedules..… going back to that level of uncertainty, that’s extremely difficult, when you are semi-comfortable with the certainty of executing one thing after another and doing only minimal, adaptive course changes.
I do not think that you are really attached to the planned outcomes, in as much you are attached to the flow of “knowing what to do”.
And mode switches like that are cognitively expensive.
Worse yet, the actual cost is mostly opaque to you, since you can’t see dopamine concentration and other neurotransmitter levels in real time [even if you could perfectly interpret them], and under uncertainty you’re more risk-avoidant.
The risk being, that you get derailed entirely and neither plan for nor act on and in fact, completely forget your original intention.
[my argument makes too many inferential leaps, I noticed, this is a summary of something that I would need more time to write; though I’m happy to elaborate on specific points]
Thanks for sharing! I think that what you are talking about is another common cause of procrastination! IME what you are talking about is usually experienced as overwhelm or ambiguity, rather than perfectionism, and it will be the subject of another article.
To be clear, I’m not invalidating that you experience this underlying fear on the surface as perfectionism, it just hasn’t how it’s presented to the people I’ve worked with.
Yeah, fair enough. Probably was typical-minding.
I just want my actions to result in excellent things quickly.
And the frustration and demotivation when that is not working out, is something I can relate to.
But that’s not perfectionism?
I personally don’t experience all those things you mentioned, though.
Sounds downright alien, this guilt thing and all this obsession with shoulds and musts.
Or worrying about meeting expectations from boss/God/parents/whatever.
It sounds rather exhausting.
Btw, that penultimate line: “Use @byronkaties The Work to explore.” seems out of place.
Is that a Twitter-thing?
Ahh yeup must have forgotten to edit that when I ported over from twitter.
Yeah, it’s very possible that you don’t experience it.
It’s also possible it’s there for you, but in shadow, as talked about in the article. Might be worth spending 10 minutes probing feelings around obligations to see if any sense of “not wanting to look” or “attention being yanked away” comes up, as that’s a good sign that there’s something there you don’t want to acknowledge.
In general though not everyone experiences these sort of feelings so it’s equally possible you’re one of them.