I (independently?) came up with this to help navigate some otherwise tricky dynamics a few years ago, and it has been extremely positive. It’s great especially when the other person has boundaries that they feel not fully comfortable with asserting, thanking them for giving you the information you need to build better models of their boundaries is often so much healthier than apologising for crossing them in a way neither of you actually feels is blameworthy.
Positive reinforcement for both asserting boundaries and for updating models of how to not cross them is just wonderful compared to the various nearby “both people feel bad/guilty about the boundary enforcement” outcomes.
To add to the anecdata, I’ve heard it advised (like Raemon below) and started using it occasionally. It has been good for me, although not transformative—possibly I come from different baseline of how important the change is, I don’t apologise constantly, but as I’ve learned, it used to be more than I should.
I (independently?) came up with this to help navigate some otherwise tricky dynamics a few years ago, and it has been extremely positive. It’s great especially when the other person has boundaries that they feel not fully comfortable with asserting, thanking them for giving you the information you need to build better models of their boundaries is often so much healthier than apologising for crossing them in a way neither of you actually feels is blameworthy.
Positive reinforcement for both asserting boundaries and for updating models of how to not cross them is just wonderful compared to the various nearby “both people feel bad/guilty about the boundary enforcement” outcomes.
To add to the anecdata, I’ve heard it advised (like Raemon below) and started using it occasionally. It has been good for me, although not transformative—possibly I come from different baseline of how important the change is, I don’t apologise constantly, but as I’ve learned, it used to be more than I should.