This is mostly uncontrollable; the meat does as it was programmed to. This ends up distracting from the real reason I might want to be friends with this person; they were intellectually interesting.
As they say: the vodka is good but the meat is rotten. Seriously, I think you should just try to exert your self-control to the extent that you manage to, whenever you find that this might be a problem. Eventually, your behavior will improve and it will not require as much effort to maintain.
(Do realize however, that there’s nothing wrong with light flirting persay. It’s not even clear that it would hinder you from pursuing intellectual interests with your female friends.)
Seriously, I think you should just try to exert your self-control to the extent that you manage to, whenever you find yourself in such circumstances. Eventually, your behavior will improve and it will not require as much effort to maintain.
The point of my rant was that I’ve lost faith that it’s worth it to bring out the big magical-free-will guns, as opposed to just disengaging.
The point of my rant was that I’ve lost faith that it’s worth it to bring out the big magical-free-will guns, as opposed to just disengaging.
Well, TBH, I’m still unsure about that. Have you been approaching this problem with a goal of changing your behavior for the better in the long term, as opposed to simply plowing through and overpowering your instincts occasionally? It could make a difference.
Moreover, it’s possible (IMHO) that disengaging outright from socially interacting with women may not work well at all, in terms of helping you achieve your goals. Honestly, I find your experience to be mildly surprising. My understanding is that guys (or guys who have attained a reasonable level of maturity and self-knowledge, at any rate, as you surely have) do not typically have this kind of self-control problem.
Honestly, I find your experience to be mildly surprising. My understanding is that guys (or guys who have attained a reasonable level of maturity and self-knowledge, at any rate, as you surely have) do not typically have this kind of self-control problem.
Note that, if we assume that mating behavior approaches 0% of a social interaction without reaching it, experiencing this kind of problem depends on the ratio of self-knowledge to self-control.
As they say: the vodka is good but the meat is rotten. Seriously, I think you should just try to exert your self-control to the extent that you manage to, whenever you find that this might be a problem. Eventually, your behavior will improve and it will not require as much effort to maintain.
(Do realize however, that there’s nothing wrong with light flirting persay. It’s not even clear that it would hinder you from pursuing intellectual interests with your female friends.)
The point of my rant was that I’ve lost faith that it’s worth it to bring out the big magical-free-will guns, as opposed to just disengaging.
Well, TBH, I’m still unsure about that. Have you been approaching this problem with a goal of changing your behavior for the better in the long term, as opposed to simply plowing through and overpowering your instincts occasionally? It could make a difference.
Moreover, it’s possible (IMHO) that disengaging outright from socially interacting with women may not work well at all, in terms of helping you achieve your goals. Honestly, I find your experience to be mildly surprising. My understanding is that guys (or guys who have attained a reasonable level of maturity and self-knowledge, at any rate, as you surely have) do not typically have this kind of self-control problem.
Note that, if we assume that mating behavior approaches 0% of a social interaction without reaching it, experiencing this kind of problem depends on the ratio of self-knowledge to self-control.