For the first time kiss, I thought the “suddenly” was exactly the wrong advice.
I think what the ‘suddenly’ is really getting at is that the first-time kiss should be seen as a pleasant surprise from your partner’s POV. It’s certainly possible to make this compatible with a slow and intentful approach (where you can gauge implied, non-verbal consent), but it does require a bit of strategizing. However, actual verbal consent seems to be incompatible with this goal—for this and other reasons, I agree that it wouldn’t really work in practice.
However, actual verbal consent seems to be incompatible with this goal—for this and other reasons, I agree that it wouldn’t really work in practice.
Among other limitations, I think the verbal consent business puts one in the wrong frame of mind—getting into a verbal, logical mode is not conducive to getting busy.
Not sure about that. Sex-positive consent-culture feminists typically suggest combining verbal consent w/ verbal seduction and nonverbal consent w/ nonverbal seduction.
This, is, however, all after one is clearly in lover-space and not the friend-zone, leading up to actual sex/kissing/whatever.
‘Rescripting Sex’ (Pervocracy 2012) is a good explanation of this. Unfortunately I don’t see how to adapt it for very early nonphysical interactions/flirting/whatever.
My preferred solution is better norms but that will never happen.
I think what the ‘suddenly’ is really getting at is that the first-time kiss should be seen as a pleasant surprise from your partner’s POV. It’s certainly possible to make this compatible with a slow and intentful approach (where you can gauge implied, non-verbal consent), but it does require a bit of strategizing. However, actual verbal consent seems to be incompatible with this goal—for this and other reasons, I agree that it wouldn’t really work in practice.
Among other limitations, I think the verbal consent business puts one in the wrong frame of mind—getting into a verbal, logical mode is not conducive to getting busy.
Not sure about that. Sex-positive consent-culture feminists typically suggest combining verbal consent w/ verbal seduction and nonverbal consent w/ nonverbal seduction.
This, is, however, all after one is clearly in lover-space and not the friend-zone, leading up to actual sex/kissing/whatever.
‘Rescripting Sex’ (Pervocracy 2012) is a good explanation of this. Unfortunately I don’t see how to adapt it for very early nonphysical interactions/flirting/whatever.
My preferred solution is better norms but that will never happen.