I’m afraid I run in exactly this kind of failure mode. I have read a lot about the problems and dangers women face on a daily basis in interactions with men, I understand why they’re creeped out, and I do my very best to avoid coming off as creepy. Together with my poor social skills and low empathy, this attitude leads to other problems. I turn down invitations by females (repeatedly by the same female, currently, though in the past it have been different females) which may or may not indicate romantic interest—invitations to the cinema, to their place, for studying, etc.. I refuse to hand out my cell phone number, I don’t answer e-mails, I consciously avoid eye contact and try to get out of conversations quickly. I know that this creates huge amounts of disutility for all parties involved, whether there is a romantic interest on either one’s behalf or not, and it certainly is stressful for myself and makes engaging with persons of the opposite gender unpleasant.
Though on the abstract level, with my “conscious” parts, I act this way, I frequently catch myself subconsciously participating in the “dance”, which annoys me since most times there definitely is no romantic interest on her behalf. As soon as I notice this behaviour, I stop it. As the parent wrote, it’s probably visible that I try to hide my sexual attraction, which comes across as creepy on its own. All in all, I regularly end up frustrated and wish I had no sexuality.
Chances are I’m not going to change anytime soon, and that is probably because I know of the vast damages I might be capable of causing if I act on anything although I am clueless about whether I should act and what I should do, which in turn is caused by my low social skills and empathy, which this way have no chance of improving, ever.
I feel like a greedy algorithm caught in a high-cost local minimum with even higher walls. This is, of course, my fault, and harrassment of females is a real problem not to be underestimated, even if it leads to the occasional frustrated and unhappy guy. There’s other things in life which are fun doing, so I try to concentrate my efforts on those. Works pretty well so far, but avoiding those 50% of humans altogether is impossible, so my problems surface regularly.
I turn down invitations by females (repeatedly by the same female, currently, though in the past it have been different females) which may or may not indicate romantic interest—invitations to the cinema, to their place, for studying, etc.. I refuse to hand out my cell phone number, I don’t answer e-mails, I consciously avoid eye contact and try to get out of conversations quickly.
Er… Why? Things usually described as creepy involve wanting to interact with someone regardless of whether they want to interact with you; if it’s them who initiated the interaction (and so you know they want to interact with you), why would they be creeped out when you reciprocate? (Unless you have a reason to believe that the invitation was only for politeness’ sake but didn’t expect you to actually accept, that is.)
I dunno, perhaps this is just anxiety in general, with no line of thought behind it? I feel myself put in a fight-or-flight situation and, basically, stall.
I’m afraid I run in exactly this kind of failure mode. I have read a lot about the problems and dangers women face on a daily basis in interactions with men, I understand why they’re creeped out, and I do my very best to avoid coming off as creepy. Together with my poor social skills and low empathy, this attitude leads to other problems. I turn down invitations by females (repeatedly by the same female, currently, though in the past it have been different females) which may or may not indicate romantic interest—invitations to the cinema, to their place, for studying, etc.. I refuse to hand out my cell phone number, I don’t answer e-mails, I consciously avoid eye contact and try to get out of conversations quickly. I know that this creates huge amounts of disutility for all parties involved, whether there is a romantic interest on either one’s behalf or not, and it certainly is stressful for myself and makes engaging with persons of the opposite gender unpleasant.
Though on the abstract level, with my “conscious” parts, I act this way, I frequently catch myself subconsciously participating in the “dance”, which annoys me since most times there definitely is no romantic interest on her behalf. As soon as I notice this behaviour, I stop it. As the parent wrote, it’s probably visible that I try to hide my sexual attraction, which comes across as creepy on its own. All in all, I regularly end up frustrated and wish I had no sexuality.
Chances are I’m not going to change anytime soon, and that is probably because I know of the vast damages I might be capable of causing if I act on anything although I am clueless about whether I should act and what I should do, which in turn is caused by my low social skills and empathy, which this way have no chance of improving, ever.
I feel like a greedy algorithm caught in a high-cost local minimum with even higher walls. This is, of course, my fault, and harrassment of females is a real problem not to be underestimated, even if it leads to the occasional frustrated and unhappy guy. There’s other things in life which are fun doing, so I try to concentrate my efforts on those. Works pretty well so far, but avoiding those 50% of humans altogether is impossible, so my problems surface regularly.
Er… Why? Things usually described as creepy involve wanting to interact with someone regardless of whether they want to interact with you; if it’s them who initiated the interaction (and so you know they want to interact with you), why would they be creeped out when you reciprocate? (Unless you have a reason to believe that the invitation was only for politeness’ sake but didn’t expect you to actually accept, that is.)
I dunno, perhaps this is just anxiety in general, with no line of thought behind it? I feel myself put in a fight-or-flight situation and, basically, stall.