Yeah, I notice that PUA stuff suggests being very asky before rapport is established, while feminist consent-culture stuff suggests being very asky after rapport is established.
Not sure that ‘asky’ is the right word here, since PUA is all about adapting to a hint culture. What PUA is very clear about is that it’s important to make one’s attraction known (put the cards on the table, as it were) well before the rapport/comfort stage is reached, in order to avoid creating a friendzone/Nice-Guy problem.
Feminists also suggest that when talking about the Nice Guy issue, although they also tend to claim that the friendzone doesn’t really have a hard boundary between it and the lover-zone. Possilby an inferential distance thing, possibly PUAs too cynical and failing at naive stuff when they actually get the chance.
I have no idea how to do that, and if I (personally) tried, i would probably shunt into Opera-Worthy Crush Mode.
the friendzone doesn’t really have a hard boundary between it and the lover-zone.
The boundary is not that hard, but it’s definitely there. IIRC, trying to cross that boundary is called “remixing” in PUA-speak, and it’s considered to be quite difficult. Part of the problem is that you most likely ended up in the friend-zone for a reason, so a “remix” often involves radically changing your outward identity in order to appeal to your ‘target’ in a lover-like, not friend-like sense.
Asides from that, PUA does tend to cultivate a healthy skepticism about “remixing”, because trying to remix is taken to be a sign of attachment which one should be clearly aware of, and either accept or discard. Basically, you might as well start out afresh with someone who is not going to have that unwanted association of you as a mere “friend”.
Yeah, I notice that PUA stuff suggests being very asky before rapport is established, while feminist consent-culture stuff suggests being very asky after rapport is established.
Not sure that ‘asky’ is the right word here, since PUA is all about adapting to a hint culture. What PUA is very clear about is that it’s important to make one’s attraction known (put the cards on the table, as it were) well before the rapport/comfort stage is reached, in order to avoid creating a friendzone/Nice-Guy problem.
Feminists also suggest that when talking about the Nice Guy issue, although they also tend to claim that the friendzone doesn’t really have a hard boundary between it and the lover-zone. Possilby an inferential distance thing, possibly PUAs too cynical and failing at naive stuff when they actually get the chance.
I have no idea how to do that, and if I (personally) tried, i would probably shunt into Opera-Worthy Crush Mode.
The boundary is not that hard, but it’s definitely there. IIRC, trying to cross that boundary is called “remixing” in PUA-speak, and it’s considered to be quite difficult. Part of the problem is that you most likely ended up in the friend-zone for a reason, so a “remix” often involves radically changing your outward identity in order to appeal to your ‘target’ in a lover-like, not friend-like sense.
Asides from that, PUA does tend to cultivate a healthy skepticism about “remixing”, because trying to remix is taken to be a sign of attachment which one should be clearly aware of, and either accept or discard. Basically, you might as well start out afresh with someone who is not going to have that unwanted association of you as a mere “friend”.