From a consequentialist standpoint, I agree that leaving her happy is better than leaving her crying.
However, it’s not definitely right to comfort people using religious ideas you know are wrong, unless you intend to correct them later or something. Then its just hazy.
Where it gets really muddled though, is where nothing you’re saying is necessarily false, but it wouldn’t seem true without your mentioning it. Like, the link between reasserting her “caring nature”, donating to the charity, and dealing with her father’s death. And how she can reconstruct her life and assert her values by combining them.
She would not come up with that on her own, but once she starts thinking about it/herself that way, I think there are compelling arguments that it actually becomes that way. Or at least feels like that way, and lacks objective evidence to the contrary. Which might be enough in self-concept stuff?
Sorry if the last paragraph (or two) is a bit mysterious or hard to follow—I’m confused about the subject.
If she were upset, went onto the website, and donated there, she might feel better. She might not think of it, because humans are not automatically strategic.
However, if you show up at her door, you not only have the ability to suggest that she reaffirm her caring nature and ability to overcome adversity, you give her a witness.
That means that her signals of “I am caring” and “I can do this” are going straight into the face of someone she’s never met, someone who, if she meets them again, will know nothing about her except for this moment of pure altruism. It’s an extremely strong signal, which makes it very satisfying.
I’m pulling this out of my ass for the most part but I think having a witness there in person greatly enhances the service of signalling her caring to herself.
Additionally, not everyone’s conscience is set up to allow actions like “donate money to convince myself I’m a good person so that I’ll feel better”. On a certain level it seems like a total sham, a selfish attempt to restore an undeserved or inappropriate level of happiness.
I’m not saying this is a rational viewpoint, mind you. Only that I expect plenty of people would have (something like) it.
But for an opportunity to just happen to come along, where you can prove your worth without having set forth just to prove your worth so that you can feel better, might seem more legitimate. Which in a way it might be. If someone says to you “I’m going to test right now whether you’re a good person. Donate 5 bucks to that charity”, your doing it wouldn’t be very compelling evidence that you are actually a good person. It may just be that you want to be thought of as such, and you will be keenly aware of this motivation even as you give up the money. This hidden motive is something it’s easier to hide from yourself, even if it’s true, if you had given 5 bucks because you were walking by and thought “why not?”.
The strange thing is that the OP’s example seems more like the former case. I think this is where your “witness” idea comes into play. The donation was his idea, and he already believes you’re a good person. It doesn’t feel like trying to prove it to yourself, it feels like a friend trying to help remind you of it.
It is muddy. To me a sort of deontological approach makes sense of this (I’m sure anyone who prefers utilitarianism can convert this somehow). Basically, I wouldn’t want to live in a world where salesmen were encouraged to take advantage of your vulnerable emotional state in order to push products on you, even if they make you feel better (yes, I already live in this world, but still).
There’s still a non-dirty-feeling option, which might be to find some other charity that saves kid’s lives and help the woman donate to that. It might seem like, all things considered, this is the same result but requiring more work, making it a questionable choice from a utility point of view. But ultimately I just don’t trust human beings, even myself, to not act selfishly, and to distinguish at all times between rationality and rationalizing.
In short, I can see how an argument could be made that taking advantage of her emotional state to help save lives is a morally acceptable option. I just don’t trust anyone making that argument that has a stake in it. The safe bet is to always look for the third option, just in case.
There would certainly seem to have been a third option: comfort her without selling her anything...
FWIW, I second Relsqui’s curiosity about why you think this sequence is a good idea.
From a consequentialist standpoint, I agree that leaving her happy is better than leaving her crying.
However, it’s not definitely right to comfort people using religious ideas you know are wrong, unless you intend to correct them later or something. Then its just hazy.
Where it gets really muddled though, is where nothing you’re saying is necessarily false, but it wouldn’t seem true without your mentioning it. Like, the link between reasserting her “caring nature”, donating to the charity, and dealing with her father’s death. And how she can reconstruct her life and assert her values by combining them.
She would not come up with that on her own, but once she starts thinking about it/herself that way, I think there are compelling arguments that it actually becomes that way. Or at least feels like that way, and lacks objective evidence to the contrary. Which might be enough in self-concept stuff?
Sorry if the last paragraph (or two) is a bit mysterious or hard to follow—I’m confused about the subject.
If she were upset, went onto the website, and donated there, she might feel better. She might not think of it, because humans are not automatically strategic.
However, if you show up at her door, you not only have the ability to suggest that she reaffirm her caring nature and ability to overcome adversity, you give her a witness.
That means that her signals of “I am caring” and “I can do this” are going straight into the face of someone she’s never met, someone who, if she meets them again, will know nothing about her except for this moment of pure altruism. It’s an extremely strong signal, which makes it very satisfying.
I’m pulling this out of my ass for the most part but I think having a witness there in person greatly enhances the service of signalling her caring to herself.
Additionally, not everyone’s conscience is set up to allow actions like “donate money to convince myself I’m a good person so that I’ll feel better”. On a certain level it seems like a total sham, a selfish attempt to restore an undeserved or inappropriate level of happiness.
I’m not saying this is a rational viewpoint, mind you. Only that I expect plenty of people would have (something like) it.
But for an opportunity to just happen to come along, where you can prove your worth without having set forth just to prove your worth so that you can feel better, might seem more legitimate. Which in a way it might be. If someone says to you “I’m going to test right now whether you’re a good person. Donate 5 bucks to that charity”, your doing it wouldn’t be very compelling evidence that you are actually a good person. It may just be that you want to be thought of as such, and you will be keenly aware of this motivation even as you give up the money. This hidden motive is something it’s easier to hide from yourself, even if it’s true, if you had given 5 bucks because you were walking by and thought “why not?”.
The strange thing is that the OP’s example seems more like the former case. I think this is where your “witness” idea comes into play. The donation was his idea, and he already believes you’re a good person. It doesn’t feel like trying to prove it to yourself, it feels like a friend trying to help remind you of it.
It is muddy. To me a sort of deontological approach makes sense of this (I’m sure anyone who prefers utilitarianism can convert this somehow). Basically, I wouldn’t want to live in a world where salesmen were encouraged to take advantage of your vulnerable emotional state in order to push products on you, even if they make you feel better (yes, I already live in this world, but still).
There’s still a non-dirty-feeling option, which might be to find some other charity that saves kid’s lives and help the woman donate to that. It might seem like, all things considered, this is the same result but requiring more work, making it a questionable choice from a utility point of view. But ultimately I just don’t trust human beings, even myself, to not act selfishly, and to distinguish at all times between rationality and rationalizing.
In short, I can see how an argument could be made that taking advantage of her emotional state to help save lives is a morally acceptable option. I just don’t trust anyone making that argument that has a stake in it. The safe bet is to always look for the third option, just in case.