If she were upset, went onto the website, and donated there, she might feel better. She might not think of it, because humans are not automatically strategic.
However, if you show up at her door, you not only have the ability to suggest that she reaffirm her caring nature and ability to overcome adversity, you give her a witness.
That means that her signals of “I am caring” and “I can do this” are going straight into the face of someone she’s never met, someone who, if she meets them again, will know nothing about her except for this moment of pure altruism. It’s an extremely strong signal, which makes it very satisfying.
I’m pulling this out of my ass for the most part but I think having a witness there in person greatly enhances the service of signalling her caring to herself.
Additionally, not everyone’s conscience is set up to allow actions like “donate money to convince myself I’m a good person so that I’ll feel better”. On a certain level it seems like a total sham, a selfish attempt to restore an undeserved or inappropriate level of happiness.
I’m not saying this is a rational viewpoint, mind you. Only that I expect plenty of people would have (something like) it.
But for an opportunity to just happen to come along, where you can prove your worth without having set forth just to prove your worth so that you can feel better, might seem more legitimate. Which in a way it might be. If someone says to you “I’m going to test right now whether you’re a good person. Donate 5 bucks to that charity”, your doing it wouldn’t be very compelling evidence that you are actually a good person. It may just be that you want to be thought of as such, and you will be keenly aware of this motivation even as you give up the money. This hidden motive is something it’s easier to hide from yourself, even if it’s true, if you had given 5 bucks because you were walking by and thought “why not?”.
The strange thing is that the OP’s example seems more like the former case. I think this is where your “witness” idea comes into play. The donation was his idea, and he already believes you’re a good person. It doesn’t feel like trying to prove it to yourself, it feels like a friend trying to help remind you of it.
If she were upset, went onto the website, and donated there, she might feel better. She might not think of it, because humans are not automatically strategic.
However, if you show up at her door, you not only have the ability to suggest that she reaffirm her caring nature and ability to overcome adversity, you give her a witness.
That means that her signals of “I am caring” and “I can do this” are going straight into the face of someone she’s never met, someone who, if she meets them again, will know nothing about her except for this moment of pure altruism. It’s an extremely strong signal, which makes it very satisfying.
I’m pulling this out of my ass for the most part but I think having a witness there in person greatly enhances the service of signalling her caring to herself.
Additionally, not everyone’s conscience is set up to allow actions like “donate money to convince myself I’m a good person so that I’ll feel better”. On a certain level it seems like a total sham, a selfish attempt to restore an undeserved or inappropriate level of happiness.
I’m not saying this is a rational viewpoint, mind you. Only that I expect plenty of people would have (something like) it.
But for an opportunity to just happen to come along, where you can prove your worth without having set forth just to prove your worth so that you can feel better, might seem more legitimate. Which in a way it might be. If someone says to you “I’m going to test right now whether you’re a good person. Donate 5 bucks to that charity”, your doing it wouldn’t be very compelling evidence that you are actually a good person. It may just be that you want to be thought of as such, and you will be keenly aware of this motivation even as you give up the money. This hidden motive is something it’s easier to hide from yourself, even if it’s true, if you had given 5 bucks because you were walking by and thought “why not?”.
The strange thing is that the OP’s example seems more like the former case. I think this is where your “witness” idea comes into play. The donation was his idea, and he already believes you’re a good person. It doesn’t feel like trying to prove it to yourself, it feels like a friend trying to help remind you of it.