It’s been my experience that when I encounter someone using NVC, or that general area of speech-type, that they are Bad Actors who are using it as a… tool to enforce their will, or make it seem like they are being reasonable and making reasonable requests when they aren’t. And it often reads as general passive aggressiveness to me, even when people possibly don’t mean it that way (I prefer more directness). I don’t think it’s inherent to the tool, but I can see how it could attract those sorts of people.
Circling seems really interesting and possibly useful to me, but only in specific settings, and a random meetup group is NOT one of them (unless it’s staying really superficial, or I guess strangers you will never see again). For a closed group of friends, it sounds like it could be great though, and the sort of thing I’d be really into. If everyone was like me that would make it more difficult to spread, but then people with higher risk tolerances could go to larger/public circling events to learn and then take the skill back to their smaller/private groups.
If anybody DOES do it as a meetup topic, I strongly suggest that RSVP is required so that people can see who else is going, and can choose to stay away if an individual they specifically distrust would be in attendance (or can choose to go if they see that everyone who has RSVPd is a person they would feel comfortable with)
Bad Actors who are using it as a… tool to enforce their will, or make it seem like they are being reasonable and making reasonable requests when they aren’t.
For all my experience looking for bad actors I keep finding actors that are just unaware of their trespassing on other people’s boundaries. NVC used well, won’t be able to be used as a weapon. Unfortunately—doing that is sometimes hard. Mistakes are made, hopefully without the intention to cause harm. In my experience, I don’t find the intention to cause harm.
Of course, there are rather few people whose desires or goals are to intentionally cause harm.
But there is a rather significant amount of people who don’t particularly care (much) about you and your boundaries, when those stand in the way of whatever their goals ARE. While they might not actively desire to harm you, they certainly will if that’s the path that gets them what they want. I do consider those people to be Bad Actors.
For example, a corporation doesn’t have in its mission statement “Pollute the Earth and Engage in Questionable Labor Practices!”.… I feel like this has already been covered already somewhere between paperclips and Moloch.
I feel like you only engaged with the weakest strawman of what I said.
It’s been my experience that when I encounter someone using NVC, or that general area of speech-type, that they are Bad Actors who are using it as a… tool to enforce their will, or make it seem like they are being reasonable and making reasonable requests when they aren’t. And it often reads as general passive aggressiveness to me, even when people possibly don’t mean it that way (I prefer more directness). I don’t think it’s inherent to the tool, but I can see how it could attract those sorts of people.
Circling seems really interesting and possibly useful to me, but only in specific settings, and a random meetup group is NOT one of them (unless it’s staying really superficial, or I guess strangers you will never see again). For a closed group of friends, it sounds like it could be great though, and the sort of thing I’d be really into. If everyone was like me that would make it more difficult to spread, but then people with higher risk tolerances could go to larger/public circling events to learn and then take the skill back to their smaller/private groups.
If anybody DOES do it as a meetup topic, I strongly suggest that RSVP is required so that people can see who else is going, and can choose to stay away if an individual they specifically distrust would be in attendance (or can choose to go if they see that everyone who has RSVPd is a person they would feel comfortable with)
For all my experience looking for bad actors I keep finding actors that are just unaware of their trespassing on other people’s boundaries. NVC used well, won’t be able to be used as a weapon. Unfortunately—doing that is sometimes hard. Mistakes are made, hopefully without the intention to cause harm. In my experience, I don’t find the intention to cause harm.
Of course, there are rather few people whose desires or goals are to intentionally cause harm.
But there is a rather significant amount of people who don’t particularly care (much) about you and your boundaries, when those stand in the way of whatever their goals ARE. While they might not actively desire to harm you, they certainly will if that’s the path that gets them what they want. I do consider those people to be Bad Actors.
For example, a corporation doesn’t have in its mission statement “Pollute the Earth and Engage in Questionable Labor Practices!”.… I feel like this has already been covered already somewhere between paperclips and Moloch.
I feel like you only engaged with the weakest strawman of what I said.