That’s why I called it Crocker’s Warning and not Crocker’s Rules. I am implying that by reading the content you are agreeing to Crocker’s Rules. It’s just a way of saying that the submitters were told not to hold back, and if you want it sugar-coated, you shouldn’t read it.
Upon consideration, I think I have pinpointed what bothers me about the bit in the post about Crocker’s Rules. It’s the imposition on the reader, not just of potentially offensive content, but also of a waiver of the right to object to the content as being offensive.
That is, I don’t object to this part:
Submitters were told to not hold back for politeness
Fine and well. A good warning.
, so this is your warning that Crocker’s Rules apply to the following content
But this part seems to suggest that by reading this, I’m waiving my right to say, e.g., “Wait a bit, this isn’t just impolite, this is offensive! This reads like an insult!” It seems like the warning is saying: “If you find this offensive, too bad. By reading this, you’re agreeing to shut up and take it” — and I don’t think that prefacing your post with that is conducive to good discussion, not at all.
Note: I don’t actually think any of the anecdotes in this post are offensive.
Note: I don’t actually think any of the anecdotes in this post are offensive.
Me neither. I think the post needs a more specific set of ground rules, something like “the anonymous submitters are putting themselves out on the line here, and in order to have the most honest and useful discussion, they were told not to hold back for politeness...but they’ll probably be reading all your comments and replies, so in order to encourage future honest and useful discussions, please don’t respond angrily or rudely, since that will discourage submitters in the future from being honest.” Which isn’t quite in the spirit of Crocker’s Rules. (I don’t know if ‘Crocker’s Warning’ is a concept that has actually been elaborated...is it?)
In general when people say “I want to tell you something, but you have to promise not to get angry/offended/etc.”, my response is along the lines of:
“I can’t and won’t promise that. I do promise that I will make an effort to temper any knee-jerk reaction I might have, and to give thought to your words and to my response before I say anything. I try to do this in all of my interactions with people whom I respect, but in this case I promise to make a special effort.”
And if that’s not good enough… well, then it seems my interlocutor doesn’t care that much about telling me whatever it is they wish to tell me.
“You can speak to me candidly and I won’t throw a fit” is a concession. “I’m about to speak candidly” is a warning. “I’m about to speak candidly, and that might upset you, but you have to be nice when you respond anyway, and if you’re not going to be nice, then I don’t want to play with you” is an ultimatum. “I’m about to speak candidly, so you’re going to agree to not throw a fit” is an ultimatum with extra squick factor.
You might want to try reading what I actually wrote, instead of putting words in my mouth.
What you think I said:
...but you have to be nice when you respond anyway, and if you’re not going to be nice, then I don’t want to play with you”
″...so you’re going to agree to not throw a fit”
These are not at all what I said. Your own definition of a warning (“I’m about to speak candidly’) is pretty much exactly what I said (with the addendum that I added in the grandparent “so if you don’t want to hear candidness, don’t read it.”)
So let’s look exactly at what I said:
Crocker’s Warning- Submitters were told to not hold back for politeness, so this is your warning that Crocker’s Rules apply to the following content
Notice how I DON’T AT ALL say the types of ultimatums you seem to think I said.
I am tapping out of the Crocker’s Warning discussion, because I feel like it has fallen to logical rudeness
Notice how I DON’T AT ALL say the types of ultimatums you seem to think I said.
I think the confusion comes from your use of the phrase “Crocker’s Rules” in the explanation (the word “Crocker” shows up twice; I’m referring to the second time). If what you meant was “these are candid comments; if you consider candidness impolite, I suggest you not read this post,” then you should have just said that.
As it is, the warning seems incoherent, because you refer to a known concept (Crocker’s Rules) incorrectly. When I first read it, the impression I got was that we could respond to the anonymous anecdotes without any consideration for politeness, which seemed really bizarre.
It was especially bizarre because, for this post at least, there doesn’t seem to be anything about LW in particular. There’s just a reasonable explanation of inferential distance and anecdotes about people being mistreated in their day to day lives to lower that distance.
I thought that my last examples were, respectively, a fair paraphrasing of social consequences for not respecting the warning and a fair desugaring of your original statment when “Crocker’s rules” is tabooed. However, this is not the first time I have been accused of putting words into others’ mouths, so I will provisionally accept that I have acted rudely.
I am sorry that I misrepresented your position, and misrepresented it to your disadvantage. My prior comment is retracted.
Suppose a hypothetical LW user wanted to say something very racist, or bigoted against some other group.Would it suffice for her to avoid censure for her to preface her comments with such a warning?
Suppose someone posted a comment that implied kicking puppies was good. Responses that only made that premise explicit would be unhelpful and probably hostile. Daenerys’ warning might be sufficient to ward of those responses. But substantive engagement with the argument—including criticism—would be welcome and normal in this community.
That’s why I called it Crocker’s Warning and not Crocker’s Rules. I am implying that by reading the content you are agreeing to Crocker’s Rules. It’s just a way of saying that the submitters were told not to hold back, and if you want it sugar-coated, you shouldn’t read it.
Upon consideration, I think I have pinpointed what bothers me about the bit in the post about Crocker’s Rules. It’s the imposition on the reader, not just of potentially offensive content, but also of a waiver of the right to object to the content as being offensive.
That is, I don’t object to this part:
Fine and well. A good warning.
But this part seems to suggest that by reading this, I’m waiving my right to say, e.g., “Wait a bit, this isn’t just impolite, this is offensive! This reads like an insult!” It seems like the warning is saying: “If you find this offensive, too bad. By reading this, you’re agreeing to shut up and take it” — and I don’t think that prefacing your post with that is conducive to good discussion, not at all.
Note: I don’t actually think any of the anecdotes in this post are offensive.
Me neither. I think the post needs a more specific set of ground rules, something like “the anonymous submitters are putting themselves out on the line here, and in order to have the most honest and useful discussion, they were told not to hold back for politeness...but they’ll probably be reading all your comments and replies, so in order to encourage future honest and useful discussions, please don’t respond angrily or rudely, since that will discourage submitters in the future from being honest.” Which isn’t quite in the spirit of Crocker’s Rules. (I don’t know if ‘Crocker’s Warning’ is a concept that has actually been elaborated...is it?)
These ground rules seem reasonable.
In general when people say “I want to tell you something, but you have to promise not to get angry/offended/etc.”, my response is along the lines of:
“I can’t and won’t promise that. I do promise that I will make an effort to temper any knee-jerk reaction I might have, and to give thought to your words and to my response before I say anything. I try to do this in all of my interactions with people whom I respect, but in this case I promise to make a special effort.”
And if that’s not good enough… well, then it seems my interlocutor doesn’t care that much about telling me whatever it is they wish to tell me.
Neat, can I put one of those on my comments feed?
“You can speak to me candidly and I won’t throw a fit” is a concession. “I’m about to speak candidly” is a warning. “I’m about to speak candidly, and that might upset you, but you have to be nice when you respond anyway, and if you’re not going to be nice, then I don’t want to play with you” is an ultimatum. “I’m about to speak candidly, so you’re going to agree to not throw a fit” is an ultimatum with extra squick factor.
You might want to try reading what I actually wrote, instead of putting words in my mouth.
What you think I said:
These are not at all what I said. Your own definition of a warning (“I’m about to speak candidly’) is pretty much exactly what I said (with the addendum that I added in the grandparent “so if you don’t want to hear candidness, don’t read it.”)
So let’s look exactly at what I said:
Notice how I DON’T AT ALL say the types of ultimatums you seem to think I said.
I am tapping out of the Crocker’s Warning discussion, because I feel like it has fallen to logical rudeness
I think the confusion comes from your use of the phrase “Crocker’s Rules” in the explanation (the word “Crocker” shows up twice; I’m referring to the second time). If what you meant was “these are candid comments; if you consider candidness impolite, I suggest you not read this post,” then you should have just said that.
As it is, the warning seems incoherent, because you refer to a known concept (Crocker’s Rules) incorrectly. When I first read it, the impression I got was that we could respond to the anonymous anecdotes without any consideration for politeness, which seemed really bizarre.
It was especially bizarre because, for this post at least, there doesn’t seem to be anything about LW in particular. There’s just a reasonable explanation of inferential distance and anecdotes about people being mistreated in their day to day lives to lower that distance.
Thank you. I think that this comment is the most constructive criticism on the topic, and have edited my post to include your wording.
You’re welcome! Glad I could help.
I thought that my last examples were, respectively, a fair paraphrasing of social consequences for not respecting the warning and a fair desugaring of your original statment when “Crocker’s rules” is tabooed. However, this is not the first time I have been accused of putting words into others’ mouths, so I will provisionally accept that I have acted rudely.
I am sorry that I misrepresented your position, and misrepresented it to your disadvantage. My prior comment is retracted.
Suppose a hypothetical LW user wanted to say something very racist, or bigoted against some other group.Would it suffice for her to avoid censure for her to preface her comments with such a warning?
Suppose someone posted a comment that implied kicking puppies was good. Responses that only made that premise explicit would be unhelpful and probably hostile. Daenerys’ warning might be sufficient to ward of those responses. But substantive engagement with the argument—including criticism—would be welcome and normal in this community.