Negative, first-hand: long-term cohabiting partner of a couple of years convinced me into polyamory. In spite of me explicitly vetoing my two best friends, the partner proceeded to implicitly bargain away this boundary while convincing Best Friend #1 I was totally cool with it. This blew up while Best Friend #1 and his long-term girlfriend were visiting us for Christmas. After fucking up our relationship, she proceeded to do the same with BF#1 and his girlfriend. She then moved onto BF#2, who she subsequently married under apparently monogamous terms. BF#1 and I don’t talk all that much any more. BF#2 and I never talk any more.
The moral of this tale: careless, selfish people can deal exponentially more damage in a polyamorous environment. Also, don’t break up with people over Christmas if you can reasonably help it.
The on-paper outcome of two break-ups and a marriage would probably not have been different. The ensuing drama/ruined friendships/trust issues, etc. probably would have been.
Why would your partner be expected to have respected your wishes when if they had remained “monogamy” given that your partner did not respect your wishes when they were “don’t date either of these two people”?
(In the interest of full disclosure, I don’t have very high priors on nominal monogamy preventing people from cheating.)
I don’t know how much of this is clear from my original description, but the partner didn’t actually want a polyamorous relationship. She wanted a guilt-free way of dating my best friend without having to break up with me. When that was denied, she broke up with me.
Negative, first-hand: long-term cohabiting partner of a couple of years convinced me into polyamory. In spite of me explicitly vetoing my two best friends, the partner proceeded to implicitly bargain away this boundary while convincing Best Friend #1 I was totally cool with it. This blew up while Best Friend #1 and his long-term girlfriend were visiting us for Christmas. After fucking up our relationship, she proceeded to do the same with BF#1 and his girlfriend. She then moved onto BF#2, who she subsequently married under apparently monogamous terms. BF#1 and I don’t talk all that much any more. BF#2 and I never talk any more.
The moral of this tale: careless, selfish people can deal exponentially more damage in a polyamorous environment. Also, don’t break up with people over Christmas if you can reasonably help it.
Do you think this outcome would have been different if you had not agreed to a poly relationship?
The on-paper outcome of two break-ups and a marriage would probably not have been different. The ensuing drama/ruined friendships/trust issues, etc. probably would have been.
Why would your partner be expected to have respected your wishes when if they had remained “monogamy” given that your partner did not respect your wishes when they were “don’t date either of these two people”?
(In the interest of full disclosure, I don’t have very high priors on nominal monogamy preventing people from cheating.)
I don’t know how much of this is clear from my original description, but the partner didn’t actually want a polyamorous relationship. She wanted a guilt-free way of dating my best friend without having to break up with me. When that was denied, she broke up with me.