Normally, I wouldn’t have said something like that, but Crono and I have talked about our lives, and he knows where I stand on that issue and has updated accordingly. I wasn’t springing anything new on him by saying that.
You should also be aware that what you say to a person openly in private and what you say in public evoke different levels of emotions in the same recipient, especially if their private interpretation/rationalization of the facts will not be the public default. There is special hell in some religions for embarrassing someone in public, and there is some sense to that.
By the way, make sure to alert everyone else to the significance of public versus private criticism; they don’t seem to be aware of it either, if the public criticism I’ve gotten here is any indication whatsoever.
You have point; I was not aware of it. Still, his choice, not yours. If he brought up being fat repeatedly do you think he’ll be ok with you doing the same? I think not unless he said otherwise.
If he said (and this is all public), “You know, one of my vices is that I left myself get fat. But I don’t really care. I actually prefer my present lifestyle; I’m quite happy this way.”
And then I said, “I used to be that way, but then I decided to lose weight and succeeded.”
And then he said, “Meh. Whatever works for you, I guess.”
“I know some tricks...” “Not interested.”
And then a year later I said, “One difference between you and me is that when I was fat, I didn’t decide to stay that way.”
What would you think? Because that’s what happened, once you carry the transformation through.
Like I said, you have a point (in karma, too ;). I retract this line of objection, but I will talk to him IRL next time to confirm. The perception issue still stands.
You should also be aware that what you say to a person openly in private and what you say in public evoke different levels of emotions in the same recipient, especially if their private interpretation/rationalization of the facts will not be the public default. There is special hell in some religions for embarrassing someone in public, and there is some sense to that.
I’ve had the previous discussions in public too.
By the way, make sure to alert everyone else to the significance of public versus private criticism; they don’t seem to be aware of it either, if the public criticism I’ve gotten here is any indication whatsoever.
public criticism != public embarassment
The former might be highly useful, if one chooses to learn from it, the latter is almost never useful.
Then maybe Crono shouldn’t have brought it up repeatedly?
(And the things I was referring to in my previous remarks crossed over into embarassment, despite also being criticisms.)
You have point; I was not aware of it. Still, his choice, not yours. If he brought up being fat repeatedly do you think he’ll be ok with you doing the same? I think not unless he said otherwise.
If he said (and this is all public), “You know, one of my vices is that I left myself get fat. But I don’t really care. I actually prefer my present lifestyle; I’m quite happy this way.”
And then I said, “I used to be that way, but then I decided to lose weight and succeeded.”
And then he said, “Meh. Whatever works for you, I guess.”
“I know some tricks...” “Not interested.”
And then a year later I said, “One difference between you and me is that when I was fat, I didn’t decide to stay that way.”
What would you think? Because that’s what happened, once you carry the transformation through.
Like I said, you have a point (in karma, too ;). I retract this line of objection, but I will talk to him IRL next time to confirm. The perception issue still stands.