Ok, it certainly looks at this stage that I am going to owe you, and the community, an apology. But before I do that, I wonder if you could remove any lingering doubts by answering these questions
You appear to be making your apology conditional on answering a questionnaire, which is both long enough that it represents a significant time commitment, and personal enough that it likely contain questions which he would prefer not to answer. Withholding an apology as leverage for anything comes across as very hostile and defeats the point of the apology if it’s eventually given. Additionally, a heuristic I can’t quite identify is telling me it smells like a trap, designed to elucidate answers which could be used out of context in an attack.
Withholding an apology as leverage for anything comes across as very hostile and defeats the point of the apology if it’s eventually given.
It did cross my mind that apologizing first, and then saying “could you answer some questions to help me figure out how far off my initial intuitions about you were, and how they went wrong” might be more interpersonally effective. Perplexed could always resurrect a critical opinion after hearing komponisto’s answers.
Additionally, a heuristic I can’t quite identify is telling me it smells like a trap, designed to elucidate answers which could be used out of context in an attack.
Maybe, but I think a more parsimonious and charitable explanation is that Perplexed is trying to find a way to update in a phased way while still saving face. I think the first goal is laudable (and I hope I don’t jinx it by making this comment), but the means may still be a little frustrating for komponisto.
Veracity, mostly. I had a conspiracy theory in my mind. The “evil perpetrator” could get away with it, simply by lying. But he would have to be careful not to lie about anything that could be checked.
The questions really only make sense if my conspiracy theory is true. Since it is false, the questions look odd. He would have still “passed” with the same answers and less explanation.
The only reason I went through with it, even after the “fear of criticism” evidence, was that in my original conspiracy theory, the conspirators would (of course) want a front man with a publicly known sensitivity of this kind.
A real comedy of errors and I end up with well earned egg on my face.
You appear to be making your apology conditional on answering a questionnaire, which is both long enough that it represents a significant time commitment, and personal enough that it likely contain questions which he would prefer not to answer. Withholding an apology as leverage for anything comes across as very hostile and defeats the point of the apology if it’s eventually given. Additionally, a heuristic I can’t quite identify is telling me it smells like a trap, designed to elucidate answers which could be used out of context in an attack.
jimrandomh said:
It did cross my mind that apologizing first, and then saying “could you answer some questions to help me figure out how far off my initial intuitions about you were, and how they went wrong” might be more interpersonally effective. Perplexed could always resurrect a critical opinion after hearing komponisto’s answers.
Maybe, but I think a more parsimonious and charitable explanation is that Perplexed is trying to find a way to update in a phased way while still saving face. I think the first goal is laudable (and I hope I don’t jinx it by making this comment), but the means may still be a little frustrating for komponisto.
It seemed to me that there was something “off” about the questionaire—I think it was mostly that I couldn’t tell what it was intended to discover.
Veracity, mostly. I had a conspiracy theory in my mind. The “evil perpetrator” could get away with it, simply by lying. But he would have to be careful not to lie about anything that could be checked.
The questions really only make sense if my conspiracy theory is true. Since it is false, the questions look odd. He would have still “passed” with the same answers and less explanation.
The only reason I went through with it, even after the “fear of criticism” evidence, was that in my original conspiracy theory, the conspirators would (of course) want a front man with a publicly known sensitivity of this kind.
A real comedy of errors and I end up with well earned egg on my face.
Hey, I like that phrasing. I’ll try to use it the next time I feel the urge to do something stupid. :)
More seriously, are you dissatisfied with the outcome?
It seems to have turned out pretty well. Looks like that heuristic was a misfire.