Under which circumstances would ‘saying true things’ win and under which other circumstances ‘not saying anything’ would win? I would also add, under which circumstances would you ‘say something you believe to be false’ or ‘agree with something you believe to be false’ in order to avoid offense?
Um. That’s a very complicated question about life, the universe, and everything. There are many circumstances during which saying particular things are beneficial.
Maybe some examples would help?
You and your friend Anna (to pick a name) are having ice cream. She’s talking about how she felt when her mom died. You point out in response that the atomic weight of molybdenum is 95.94. This is very unhelpful and probably should not have been said, and she’s offended that you don’t care about her feelings as much as she thought you did.
Now you and your friend Anna are being held at gunpoint. You are hooked up to a lie detector and asked if you think Anna looks fat in those jeans. If you lie, they shoot you both. Anna would be offended if you think she looks fat. (ETA: as it happens, you do think so.) In this case, it is probably best not to lie.
And there are various other sorts of cases as well.
I think this is a life skill which you’ve developed already but aren’t thinking of as the same thing. The stereotypical example: your mother looks terrible in a dress but really loves it and she doesn’t need to impress anyone, so you might say she looks good anyway. That’s just one point in an extremely wide spectrum the issue encloses, in which you probably have feelings already on what’s best when. I think the decisions are personal, dependent on the situation, and often hotly debated.
Under which circumstances would ‘saying true things’ win and under which other circumstances ‘not saying anything’ would win? I would also add, under which circumstances would you ‘say something you believe to be false’ or ‘agree with something you believe to be false’ in order to avoid offense?
Um. That’s a very complicated question about life, the universe, and everything. There are many circumstances during which saying particular things are beneficial.
Maybe some examples would help?
You and your friend Anna (to pick a name) are having ice cream. She’s talking about how she felt when her mom died. You point out in response that the atomic weight of molybdenum is 95.94. This is very unhelpful and probably should not have been said, and she’s offended that you don’t care about her feelings as much as she thought you did.
Now you and your friend Anna are being held at gunpoint. You are hooked up to a lie detector and asked if you think Anna looks fat in those jeans. If you lie, they shoot you both. Anna would be offended if you think she looks fat. (ETA: as it happens, you do think so.) In this case, it is probably best not to lie.
And there are various other sorts of cases as well.
I think this is a life skill which you’ve developed already but aren’t thinking of as the same thing. The stereotypical example: your mother looks terrible in a dress but really loves it and she doesn’t need to impress anyone, so you might say she looks good anyway. That’s just one point in an extremely wide spectrum the issue encloses, in which you probably have feelings already on what’s best when. I think the decisions are personal, dependent on the situation, and often hotly debated.
How do these questions relate to your first comment? Are you asking if I would lie to not give offense?