Re: Social confidence… you can fake it ’til you make it. You don’t actually have to be confident (my uninformed guess is that a lot people who seem confident aren’t– but that might just me projecting my own experience on to others). You just have to look confident to others. Don’t brag (explicitly, at least) but never self-deprecate either. Friendly teasing of the opposite sex *, joking… all good. I made a conscious effort to do these things and now they’re just a part of my personality and I like myself better for it.
Though I wonder if this would be harder if I was older (I picked this up only a few years after I got interested in girls so I didn’t have as many bad habits to break)
*I don’t know how this would work for those who are not interested in the opposite sex. It may or may not signal the same things.
Mostly, this means being relaxed and at ease. If you’re not sure what confidence is, you’ll probably think it means being aggressive, boisterous, or some sort of backslapping, hand-grabbing, “hail-fellows-well-met”, can-do attitude. Everybody actually hates that guy. Be relaxed and at ease, instead, but match your overall “energy level” to the group you’re in. It’s okay if you’re a little lower or higher, but being close in energy level signals social calibration—i.e., that the group’s preferences are important to you.
One of the really nasty side effects of being introverted is that if you’re not socially calibrated, you may well be constantly signaling to other people that they’re both boring and beneath you.
Re: Social confidence… you can fake it ’til you make it. You don’t actually have to be confident (my uninformed guess is that a lot people who seem confident aren’t– but that might just me projecting my own experience on to others). You just have to look confident to others. Don’t brag (explicitly, at least) but never self-deprecate either. Friendly teasing of the opposite sex *, joking… all good. I made a conscious effort to do these things and now they’re just a part of my personality and I like myself better for it.
Though I wonder if this would be harder if I was older (I picked this up only a few years after I got interested in girls so I didn’t have as many bad habits to break)
*I don’t know how this would work for those who are not interested in the opposite sex. It may or may not signal the same things.
Mostly, this means being relaxed and at ease. If you’re not sure what confidence is, you’ll probably think it means being aggressive, boisterous, or some sort of backslapping, hand-grabbing, “hail-fellows-well-met”, can-do attitude. Everybody actually hates that guy. Be relaxed and at ease, instead, but match your overall “energy level” to the group you’re in. It’s okay if you’re a little lower or higher, but being close in energy level signals social calibration—i.e., that the group’s preferences are important to you.
One of the really nasty side effects of being introverted is that if you’re not socially calibrated, you may well be constantly signaling to other people that they’re both boring and beneath you.