Just because your objection parallels my comment in form doesn’t automatically make its content a correct refutation; and someone other than me has warned you that the tactic doesn’t serve you particularly well.
Do you or do you not agree that “think of her as a child” involves changing your mental state, while “show cleavage and arch your back” does not?
Your reply above directs attention away from this difference and toward the supposed “history of success” of the first form of advice.
This is shifting the goalposts, if your intent is still to understand why the first form is more often objected to. Whether the advice is sound or not is a separate matter.
Not sticking to one query is a classic reason why threads go out of hand (as this one has, once again).
Just because your objection parallels my comment in form doesn’t automatically make its content a correct refutation; and someone other than me has warned you that the tactic doesn’t serve you particularly well.
I’m aware of how people get angry when their own argument methods are turned around and force them to think critically about the basis for their own beliefs—though I don’t think that’s happening in your case. (The anger on your part isn’t happening, I mean—I do believe you are reflecting critically on your own beliefs, or at least are making a genuine effort.)
The point of me mimicking your form was not to be cute (although that was a neat side effect), but rather, to show that a simple reframing of the issue—by highlighting different salient aspects—would reverse the “obvious” answer to your question.
On one hand we have advice that is about body posture, and on the other hand we have advice that is about persuading yourself of things that are not true, such as thinking of an adult human as if they were a child.
You claim advice about body posture to be benign, while believing false, offensive things is obviously bad by comparison. (The latter is a strawman of course: the advice is to, like an actor, go into a different mindset in order to have a generating function for your actions, which turns out to be preferable by the “target” of it. The advice is not to believe that adult women are disobedient children as if it were some more objective or universal aspect of reality.)
Do you or do you not agree that “think of her as a child” involves changing your mental state, while “show cleavage and arch your back” does not?
Of course I agree, but this is a poor metric. Isn’t it more important what the advice causes in the other party’s mind? If “think of her as a child” generates actions, on my part, that the woman deems preferable, what does it matter that my mental state is changed? If a woman uses attire and posture that causes me to “think below the waist”, isn’t the impact on my mental state more important—because of the diminishing of informed consent [1] -- than the impact on the woman’s mental state?
Your reply above directs attention away from this difference and toward the supposed “history of success” of the first form of advice.
Because, as explained above, it’s not apparent how that’s a relevant metric or difference.
This is shifting the goalposts, if your intent is still to understand why the first form is more often objected to. Whether the advice is sound or not is a separate matter.
If the advice actually benefits women, that should negate any objectionability of the advice that is grounded on harm to women. Failure to speak frankly about the commonality of the kind of woman benefitting, while instead giving full weight to the supposedly-universal preferences of the most vocal feminists … to me, that looks like a social failing.
[1] Yes, yes, I lose status by mentioning that this can happen, &c. C’est la vie.
someone other than me has warned you that the tactic doesn’t serve you particularly well.
It isn’t usually a successful tactic, which is somewhat of a shame, given that it can serve to demonstrate how a particular (mis)use of argument is flawed. People on average don’t have the respect for consistency that I would prefer.
OK, we’re at least getting closer to something concrete:
do you think neither of the above is about changing your mind
do you think both of the above are about changing your mind
do you think the polarities are opposite to the ones I’m assuming?
It seems to me that “think of her as a child” is objectionable for the same reason that “think of the moon as being made of green cheese” would be: the proposition in question is false.
Whereas showing cleavage and arching your back have no comparable epistemic content. There is no “true shape of the breasts” or “true posture of the body”, no facts of the matter that warrant a comparison as in the other case.
If it takes an essay to state where you stand on those, I’m happy to wait until later. But if you can briefly state your objection, I’d be interested to hear it.
If it takes an essay to state where you stand on those, I’m happy to wait until later. But if you can briefly state your objection, I’d be interested to hear it.
In the grandparent here I merely allude to the claim that humans cannot change their body language, particularly sexual body language without it being about changing their mental state. Body and mind are just too linked, such that advice about ‘thoughts’ is often intended to work by changing posture and vise versa. But this is tangential and not related to the actual disagreement I have with your argument.
It seems to me that “think of her as a child” is objectionable for the same reason that “think of the moon as being made of green cheese” would be: the proposition in question is false.
See earlier reply. You misunderstand the suggestion. Replace ‘think’ with ‘treat her as though’ (and don’t leave out the ‘disobedient’ in either case) and I would expect the same (or a worse) reaction even though it completely avoids your technical epistemic objection.
ETA: I deleted the grandparent before Morendil replied. Not because I don’t support it but because I decided it would just be distracting. It was. ;)
“Treat her as if she were a disobedient child” still strikes me as predictably objectionable, because the statement is being made about an adult woman, which should screen off obedience being an issue; obedience isn’t expected of adults.
The specific bit of PUA advice we’re discussing here amounts to paternalism. Showing cleavage doesn’t. This is why people—men and women—object to the former more readily than to the latter. (Some men may approve of paternalism, but they are just wrong.)
I don’t reject ‘all that’. I did rejected a specific straw man you presented for the reasons I have already mentioned and. I don’t feel obliged to suggest that your claims here are outlandish since I am not particularly opposed to your overall position. That is, I think both you and Silas have valid points but I would not support either position as they stand, preferring a different emphasis (and a whole heap less moral judgement).
(Allow me to engage in the obedience/paternalism subject in a different comment, since that moves us to a somewhat different claim, where the lines are not already drawn in the sand.)
That is, I think both you and Silas have valid points but I would not support either position as they stand, preferring a different emphasis (and a whole heap less moral judgement).
This is my view also. I agree with practically all your commentary on their discussion.
which should screen off obedience being an issue; obedience isn’t expected of adults.
It is expected by sexy adults. It is also often given to those same adults ;)
The specific bit of PUA advice we’re discussing here amounts to paternalism. Showing cleavage doesn’t.
No it doesn’t. Someone would have to think of a different pejorative term. If they were into that sort of thing.
This is why people—men and women—object to the former more readily than to the latter.
People in general don’t object to the former more readily than the latter. It varies drastically with personality type, sex and subculture. The people that most object to paternalism are male nerds while the people that (I expect to) most approve of paternalism are conservative religious women. I have seen each of those classes of advice condemned to different degrees in different communities that I have been involved in.
(Some men may approve of paternalism, but they are just wrong.)
Ouch. That sounds like just the sort of ideal that provoke outrage in the face of practical advice.
I am not a huge fan of paternalism myself. In fact, I have in the past ended a relationship with a woman because I just wasn’t willing to be as paternalistic as she desired. I don’t begrudge her that preference and certainly don’t think she is just wrong for preferring a more paternalistic dynamic than I do.
The people that most object to paternalism are male nerds while the people that (I expect to) most approve of paternalism are conservative religious women.
Why those groups in particular? They are toward those ends, but I think I would have (maybe superficially/naively) said “radical feminists” and “conservative religious men”, respectively. Don’t necessarily disagree, but I’m very curious.
Those were just listed off the top of my head and biased towards groups and situations in which the advice is most relevant.
I suppose you may be right about he radical feminists with respect to paternalism, although I don’t naturally distinguish between common behaviour patterns based on the genitalia of the actor. I’m going with Morendil’s word here but to the extent that ‘paternalism’ implies ‘when done by males’ I would perhaps want to use a different word.
The people that most object to paternalism are male nerds while the people that (I expect to) most approve of paternalism are conservative religious women.
Those groups do lie towards each end, but why do you say they’re the extremes? Why not, oh, the superficial obvious guesses “radical feminists” and “conservative religious men”? I don’t necessarily disagree, but I’m very curious.
which should screen off obedience being an issue; obedience isn’t expected of adults.
It is expected by sexy adults. It is also often given to those same adults ;)
This leaves out whether you mean adults who like sex or adults who you consider attractive, not to mention whether it’s true of everyone in either of those categories, or whether it’s just some proportion.
It also doesn’t quantise just how ‘often’ the obedience is given to that proportion, what the exact scope of commands over which such obedience is granted, what measures of age and or maturity allow the designation ‘adult’, which group of adults are those doing the obeying and what level of obsequiousness is expected during compliance.
Hopefully what were clear were the assertions:
Obedience of the kind described is in fact expected of adults at times.
Having this expectation has a clear influence on sexual attraction.
Just because your objection parallels my comment in form doesn’t automatically make its content a correct refutation; and someone other than me has warned you that the tactic doesn’t serve you particularly well.
Do you or do you not agree that “think of her as a child” involves changing your mental state, while “show cleavage and arch your back” does not?
Your reply above directs attention away from this difference and toward the supposed “history of success” of the first form of advice.
This is shifting the goalposts, if your intent is still to understand why the first form is more often objected to. Whether the advice is sound or not is a separate matter.
Not sticking to one query is a classic reason why threads go out of hand (as this one has, once again).
I’m aware of how people get angry when their own argument methods are turned around and force them to think critically about the basis for their own beliefs—though I don’t think that’s happening in your case. (The anger on your part isn’t happening, I mean—I do believe you are reflecting critically on your own beliefs, or at least are making a genuine effort.)
The point of me mimicking your form was not to be cute (although that was a neat side effect), but rather, to show that a simple reframing of the issue—by highlighting different salient aspects—would reverse the “obvious” answer to your question.
You claim advice about body posture to be benign, while believing false, offensive things is obviously bad by comparison. (The latter is a strawman of course: the advice is to, like an actor, go into a different mindset in order to have a generating function for your actions, which turns out to be preferable by the “target” of it. The advice is not to believe that adult women are disobedient children as if it were some more objective or universal aspect of reality.)
Of course I agree, but this is a poor metric. Isn’t it more important what the advice causes in the other party’s mind? If “think of her as a child” generates actions, on my part, that the woman deems preferable, what does it matter that my mental state is changed? If a woman uses attire and posture that causes me to “think below the waist”, isn’t the impact on my mental state more important—because of the diminishing of informed consent [1] -- than the impact on the woman’s mental state?
Because, as explained above, it’s not apparent how that’s a relevant metric or difference.
If the advice actually benefits women, that should negate any objectionability of the advice that is grounded on harm to women. Failure to speak frankly about the commonality of the kind of woman benefitting, while instead giving full weight to the supposedly-universal preferences of the most vocal feminists … to me, that looks like a social failing.
[1] Yes, yes, I lose status by mentioning that this can happen, &c. C’est la vie.
It isn’t usually a successful tactic, which is somewhat of a shame, given that it can serve to demonstrate how a particular (mis)use of argument is flawed. People on average don’t have the respect for consistency that I would prefer.
I don’t, and could write an essay or three on the subject. But that’s not where your rhetorical intent is leading you...
OK, we’re at least getting closer to something concrete:
do you think neither of the above is about changing your mind
do you think both of the above are about changing your mind
do you think the polarities are opposite to the ones I’m assuming?
It seems to me that “think of her as a child” is objectionable for the same reason that “think of the moon as being made of green cheese” would be: the proposition in question is false.
Whereas showing cleavage and arching your back have no comparable epistemic content. There is no “true shape of the breasts” or “true posture of the body”, no facts of the matter that warrant a comparison as in the other case.
If it takes an essay to state where you stand on those, I’m happy to wait until later. But if you can briefly state your objection, I’d be interested to hear it.
In the grandparent here I merely allude to the claim that humans cannot change their body language, particularly sexual body language without it being about changing their mental state. Body and mind are just too linked, such that advice about ‘thoughts’ is often intended to work by changing posture and vise versa. But this is tangential and not related to the actual disagreement I have with your argument.
See earlier reply. You misunderstand the suggestion. Replace ‘think’ with ‘treat her as though’ (and don’t leave out the ‘disobedient’ in either case) and I would expect the same (or a worse) reaction even though it completely avoids your technical epistemic objection.
ETA: I deleted the grandparent before Morendil replied. Not because I don’t support it but because I decided it would just be distracting. It was. ;)
“Treat her as if she were a disobedient child” still strikes me as predictably objectionable, because the statement is being made about an adult woman, which should screen off obedience being an issue; obedience isn’t expected of adults.
The specific bit of PUA advice we’re discussing here amounts to paternalism. Showing cleavage doesn’t. This is why people—men and women—object to the former more readily than to the latter. (Some men may approve of paternalism, but they are just wrong.)
What’s so outlandish about all that?
I don’t reject ‘all that’. I did rejected a specific straw man you presented for the reasons I have already mentioned and. I don’t feel obliged to suggest that your claims here are outlandish since I am not particularly opposed to your overall position. That is, I think both you and Silas have valid points but I would not support either position as they stand, preferring a different emphasis (and a whole heap less moral judgement).
(Allow me to engage in the obedience/paternalism subject in a different comment, since that moves us to a somewhat different claim, where the lines are not already drawn in the sand.)
This is my view also. I agree with practically all your commentary on their discussion.
It is expected by sexy adults. It is also often given to those same adults ;)
No it doesn’t. Someone would have to think of a different pejorative term. If they were into that sort of thing.
People in general don’t object to the former more readily than the latter. It varies drastically with personality type, sex and subculture. The people that most object to paternalism are male nerds while the people that (I expect to) most approve of paternalism are conservative religious women. I have seen each of those classes of advice condemned to different degrees in different communities that I have been involved in.
Ouch. That sounds like just the sort of ideal that provoke outrage in the face of practical advice.
I am not a huge fan of paternalism myself. In fact, I have in the past ended a relationship with a woman because I just wasn’t willing to be as paternalistic as she desired. I don’t begrudge her that preference and certainly don’t think she is just wrong for preferring a more paternalistic dynamic than I do.
Why those groups in particular? They are toward those ends, but I think I would have (maybe superficially/naively) said “radical feminists” and “conservative religious men”, respectively. Don’t necessarily disagree, but I’m very curious.
Those were just listed off the top of my head and biased towards groups and situations in which the advice is most relevant.
I suppose you may be right about he radical feminists with respect to paternalism, although I don’t naturally distinguish between common behaviour patterns based on the genitalia of the actor. I’m going with Morendil’s word here but to the extent that ‘paternalism’ implies ‘when done by males’ I would perhaps want to use a different word.
“Parentalism”?
(And “maternalism” when done by females? ;-))
Those groups do lie towards each end, but why do you say they’re the extremes? Why not, oh, the superficial obvious guesses “radical feminists” and “conservative religious men”? I don’t necessarily disagree, but I’m very curious.
This leaves out whether you mean adults who like sex or adults who you consider attractive, not to mention whether it’s true of everyone in either of those categories, or whether it’s just some proportion.
It also doesn’t quantise just how ‘often’ the obedience is given to that proportion, what the exact scope of commands over which such obedience is granted, what measures of age and or maturity allow the designation ‘adult’, which group of adults are those doing the obeying and what level of obsequiousness is expected during compliance.
Hopefully what were clear were the assertions:
Obedience of the kind described is in fact expected of adults at times.
Having this expectation has a clear influence on sexual attraction.