The problem is not only about the woman but about the man. Quite many man who go into PUA never end up in a state where they are comfortable striking up random conversations with strangers.
Recently I went to a local “get out of your comfort zone” meetup in Berlin lead by someone who authored a book on comfort zone expansion and who has a decade in the personal development industry.
Surprisingly we didn’t went out to start conversations with strangers. His main argument against going down that road was that it often makes people without previous experience often experience those exercises in a disassociated way instead of in an associated way.
PUA quite often leads to people trying to influence the woman instead of paying attention to their own emotions and dealing with those emotions in a constructive fashion.
It’s certainly possible to have toolbox smalltalk and do okay with it. Developing genuine curiosity for the other person and letting that curiosity guide your questions is both more fun and more likely to create a connection.
No single “framework” is going to accommodate everybody’s desires, and those who push a monoculture ideal are being narrow-minded.
I’m not advocating monoculture. I also don’t think nobody should do PUA. It’s just worth noting that PUA doesn’t deliver for many people who buy into it.
It’s certainly possible to have toolbox smalltalk and do okay with it. Developing genuine curiosity for the other person and letting that curiosity guide your questions is both more fun and more likely to create a connection.
The toolbox gives you a starting point; it’s not meant to be the entirety of the conversation, but rather starting points. It’s relatively easy to maintain a conversation, harder to start one. Curiosity doesn’t begin until you have something to be curious about in the first place.
I agree that PUA doesn’t give people what they’re looking for, most of my comment was intended to explain why. (Short summary: It’s about sex, not conversation.)
When standing at a bus stop are you asking a stranger: “What do you do for a living?”
To me that doesn’t seem like a good conversation starter.
“Do you know in many minutes the bus will arrive” can be a curiosity based question, that’s socially acceptable to ask.
I’m standing next to a stranger and that question comes into my mind, I notice that I have a question were I’m interested in the answer. I can either look at my phone and look at the bus timetable to figure out the answer or I can ask the other person.
There are many instances like that were you can choose the social way to deal with the situation.
I agree that PUA doesn’t give people what they’re looking for, most of my comment was intended to explain why. (Short summary: It’s about sex, not conversation.)
I think even for people who think they want sex, it often doesn’t deliver on it’s promise.
The problem is not only about the woman but about the man. Quite many man who go into PUA never end up in a state where they are comfortable striking up random conversations with strangers.
Recently I went to a local “get out of your comfort zone” meetup in Berlin lead by someone who authored a book on comfort zone expansion and who has a decade in the personal development industry. Surprisingly we didn’t went out to start conversations with strangers. His main argument against going down that road was that it often makes people without previous experience often experience those exercises in a disassociated way instead of in an associated way.
PUA quite often leads to people trying to influence the woman instead of paying attention to their own emotions and dealing with those emotions in a constructive fashion.
It’s certainly possible to have toolbox smalltalk and do okay with it. Developing genuine curiosity for the other person and letting that curiosity guide your questions is both more fun and more likely to create a connection.
I’m not advocating monoculture. I also don’t think nobody should do PUA. It’s just worth noting that PUA doesn’t deliver for many people who buy into it.
The toolbox gives you a starting point; it’s not meant to be the entirety of the conversation, but rather starting points. It’s relatively easy to maintain a conversation, harder to start one. Curiosity doesn’t begin until you have something to be curious about in the first place.
I agree that PUA doesn’t give people what they’re looking for, most of my comment was intended to explain why. (Short summary: It’s about sex, not conversation.)
When standing at a bus stop are you asking a stranger: “What do you do for a living?” To me that doesn’t seem like a good conversation starter.
“Do you know in many minutes the bus will arrive” can be a curiosity based question, that’s socially acceptable to ask. I’m standing next to a stranger and that question comes into my mind, I notice that I have a question were I’m interested in the answer. I can either look at my phone and look at the bus timetable to figure out the answer or I can ask the other person.
There are many instances like that were you can choose the social way to deal with the situation.
I think even for people who think they want sex, it often doesn’t deliver on it’s promise.