I honestly don’t know how you could’ve written it better
Thanks, but I can describe at least in general terms how I could have written it better...
I could have arranged the words so that they form pleasing patterns when spoken aloud. The first sentence uses the word “that” which might be confusing to some readers, especially seeing the comment permalink without context—I could have spelled out briefly what the subject was. The rhetorical “However” at the beginning of the second “paragraph” serves a useful stylistic purpose, but will turn off some readers who think it’s improper. Ditto with making “paragraphs” of fewer than two sentences. “Different people with different ways of thinking” places undue emphasis on the repeated word “different”, and it would probably be better to use more specific words in each case. I could have taken into consideration what the purpose of writing that comment was and tailored the rhetoric specifically to that purpose—if I wanted to convince someone not to major in philosophy, there are some extra facts about philosophy I could have dug up to make it hit home harder. A superintelligence might be able to create a basilisk-string that would insert the knowledge directly into your mind.
And those ideas are without significant training or practice as a writer. If I couldn’t do better with training, then there’s significant low-hanging fruit out there for improving writer training.
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Thanks, but I can describe at least in general terms how I could have written it better...
I could have arranged the words so that they form pleasing patterns when spoken aloud. The first sentence uses the word “that” which might be confusing to some readers, especially seeing the comment permalink without context—I could have spelled out briefly what the subject was. The rhetorical “However” at the beginning of the second “paragraph” serves a useful stylistic purpose, but will turn off some readers who think it’s improper. Ditto with making “paragraphs” of fewer than two sentences. “Different people with different ways of thinking” places undue emphasis on the repeated word “different”, and it would probably be better to use more specific words in each case. I could have taken into consideration what the purpose of writing that comment was and tailored the rhetoric specifically to that purpose—if I wanted to convince someone not to major in philosophy, there are some extra facts about philosophy I could have dug up to make it hit home harder. A superintelligence might be able to create a basilisk-string that would insert the knowledge directly into your mind.
And those ideas are without significant training or practice as a writer. If I couldn’t do better with training, then there’s significant low-hanging fruit out there for improving writer training.