I think what happens to be guessing depends a lot on the understanding that you have between two people.
I don’t really think in terms of acting in a way that get’s another person to take a specific action. I focus more on giving the person all relevant information and expect the other person to take the action that maximizes utility.
If I ask Alice to dance Salsa and she needs a break I don’t want Alice to come dancing with me. I want Alice to act according to her feelings and take the break. I can ask Carol who might actually want to dance at that moment and ask Alice later. I can also spent some time meditating if there no woman who wants to dance at a particular moment around.
I’m not attached to a particular action of another person.
On the other hand if the person doesn’t engage in an action that maximizes utility to make a point of signaling status or to punish that can annoy me.
Depending on how well I know the position of the other person and how well I know what’s right for myself I might just say what I feel or I might be very explicit about a possible solution.
Shyness can also hold me back from sharing certain information. It can be hard to articulate deep feelings in an environment where that’s not normal behavior. I’m still quite bad at talking about feelings in a Salsa environment where I might ask a woman to dance very directly but rely a lot on nonverbal signs to regulate the level of intimacy of a dance. Openly saying something to an attractive woman like: “It feels a bit strange when you dance closely with me because you are tense and don’t relax the way I would expect you to if you enjoy dancing close.” is very hard.
If you hear me talk with my meditation teacher you probably would not understand what’s said because the conversation heavily relies on implicit assumptions. On the other hand I have a hard time calling it guess culture because we both understand each other perfectly well.
The whole idea of guessing assumes that there’s doubt whether the other person understands the point you want to make.
I think part of having a good intimate relationship with another person is that you have a good idea of what the other person wants without them saying so explicitly. On the other hand having a good intimate relationship also means that you can explicitly communicate your desires in cases where the other person doesn’t pick them up on their own.
I think both of the question you mention tell you something about the other person. The goal of a good question isn’t to be without bias but to provide a clear signal. Someone who says that they prefer to mention something related and expect the other person to infer what they want is a clear guess culture person in every sense of the word.
If you hear me talk with my meditation teacher you probably would not understand what’s said because the conversation heavily relies on implicit assumptions. On the other hand I have a hard time calling it guess culture because we both understand each other perfectly well.
This is more accurately described as the difference between high context and low context cultures. This might actually be some sort of precursor to ask vs. guess culture.
I think what happens to be guessing depends a lot on the understanding that you have between two people.
I don’t really think in terms of acting in a way that get’s another person to take a specific action. I focus more on giving the person all relevant information and expect the other person to take the action that maximizes utility.
If I ask Alice to dance Salsa and she needs a break I don’t want Alice to come dancing with me. I want Alice to act according to her feelings and take the break. I can ask Carol who might actually want to dance at that moment and ask Alice later. I can also spent some time meditating if there no woman who wants to dance at a particular moment around. I’m not attached to a particular action of another person.
On the other hand if the person doesn’t engage in an action that maximizes utility to make a point of signaling status or to punish that can annoy me.
Depending on how well I know the position of the other person and how well I know what’s right for myself I might just say what I feel or I might be very explicit about a possible solution.
Shyness can also hold me back from sharing certain information. It can be hard to articulate deep feelings in an environment where that’s not normal behavior. I’m still quite bad at talking about feelings in a Salsa environment where I might ask a woman to dance very directly but rely a lot on nonverbal signs to regulate the level of intimacy of a dance. Openly saying something to an attractive woman like: “It feels a bit strange when you dance closely with me because you are tense and don’t relax the way I would expect you to if you enjoy dancing close.” is very hard.
If you hear me talk with my meditation teacher you probably would not understand what’s said because the conversation heavily relies on implicit assumptions. On the other hand I have a hard time calling it guess culture because we both understand each other perfectly well.
The whole idea of guessing assumes that there’s doubt whether the other person understands the point you want to make.
I think part of having a good intimate relationship with another person is that you have a good idea of what the other person wants without them saying so explicitly. On the other hand having a good intimate relationship also means that you can explicitly communicate your desires in cases where the other person doesn’t pick them up on their own.
I think both of the question you mention tell you something about the other person. The goal of a good question isn’t to be without bias but to provide a clear signal. Someone who says that they prefer to mention something related and expect the other person to infer what they want is a clear guess culture person in every sense of the word.
This is more accurately described as the difference between high context and low context cultures. This might actually be some sort of precursor to ask vs. guess culture.