One of the points here is that, as usual, it depends. Let’s say someone I know lied to me and I found out that it was a lie. My response would depend on three major factors:
The kind of relationship with that person. Relationships have (mostly implicit) rules and promises. A lie may or may not break such a promise. A co-worker lying to you about where he was last weekend is different from your partner lying to you about where he was last weekend.
The motivation behind the lie. A lie to avoid embarrassment is different from a lie to gain some advantage over you.
The nature of the lie—its magnitude and character. A lie to make oneself look better is different from a lie which results in you being fired from your job.
I don’t want to treat liars equally harshly or equally leniently. I want to treat them depending on the circumstances. There is no “general case”.
A non-extreme example of attitudes, expectations, and consequences? Sure. Let’s say Alice is a drama queen and wants lots of attention. She tend to lie (in minor ways) about what actually happened and also (in more pronounced ways) about her feelings and reactions. If I learn this about Alice I would adjust my opinion about what kind of a person she is, I would expect her accounts of herself to be exaggerated, and I would treat her troubles and problems less seriously.
One of the points here is that, as usual, it depends. Let’s say someone I know lied to me and I found out that it was a lie. My response would depend on three major factors:
The kind of relationship with that person. Relationships have (mostly implicit) rules and promises. A lie may or may not break such a promise. A co-worker lying to you about where he was last weekend is different from your partner lying to you about where he was last weekend.
The motivation behind the lie. A lie to avoid embarrassment is different from a lie to gain some advantage over you.
The nature of the lie—its magnitude and character. A lie to make oneself look better is different from a lie which results in you being fired from your job.
I don’t want to treat liars equally harshly or equally leniently. I want to treat them depending on the circumstances. There is no “general case”.
A non-extreme example of attitudes, expectations, and consequences? Sure. Let’s say Alice is a drama queen and wants lots of attention. She tend to lie (in minor ways) about what actually happened and also (in more pronounced ways) about her feelings and reactions. If I learn this about Alice I would adjust my opinion about what kind of a person she is, I would expect her accounts of herself to be exaggerated, and I would treat her troubles and problems less seriously.
That’s a nice summary of the kind of flexibility I would endorse, thanks.