Phil, I liked this story very much. I’m not sure if you like reading suggestions/requests from others about your literature, so only read what what follows if that interests you! I want this comment to be a positive experience, as the story was for me (apparently I’m a lot softy-er when deconstructing someone’s art than their ideas).
I do like reading suggestions, though I usually don’t take them once a story is finished—mainly because I can’t get back into a story and grasp its gestalt well enough to revise it, without doing a big revision. I think I will use the phrase “why not accept a mere permutation of the same event?” sometime—there are probably many situations where that could be surprising and insightful.
Getting into what “I” was thinking at that moment is a can of worms… you could go in a lot of directions, such as how his loss of Julia might have caused his refusal to join a collective.
Phil, I liked this story very much. I’m not sure if you like reading suggestions/requests from others about your literature, so only read what what follows if that interests you! I want this comment to be a positive experience, as the story was for me (apparently I’m a lot softy-er when deconstructing someone’s art than their ideas).
http://www.rot13.com/ :
“Ner lbh abg phevbhf jung gurl ner abj, V?”
V jnf. Nyernql ur unq n uhapu.
“Gur frpbaq cvrpr,” ur fnvq, “jnf gur orggre.”
Znlor fbzr frys-dhrfgvbavat nobhg jurgure ur rire ernyyl inyhrq orvat “frcnengr” vs vg zrnaf orvat frcnengr sebz Whyvn… Creuncf, vs ur pbhyq unir pubfra gb Wbva ure naq ure nybar, gung jbhyq unir orra jbegu ybfvat uvf vqragvgl. Naq gura creuncf ure fhontrag jbhyq unir qbzvangrq naq gurve havba jbhyq unir wbvarq gur pbyyrpgvir. Vs gung pbhyq unir unccrarq, vs ur pbhyq unir npprcgrq vg, jul abg npprcg n zrer crezhgngvba bs gur fnzr rirag? Ohg jung vs, vafgrnq, fur jbhyq unir orra ubeevsvrq gung gur ynfg erzanagf bs ure byq ybire unq orra qvffbyirq vagb n frn bs pbafpvbhfarff? Jung vs fur sryg jrnx sbe wbvavat, naq jbhyq unir orra cyrnfrq ur unq gur fgeratgu gb erfvfg? Ohg ur qvqa’g.
Guvf jnf jevggra unfgvyl, ohg vg’f fbzrguvat. Ubarfgyl V’q or zber phevbhf gb frr jung lbh’q jevgr vs lbh gubhtug nobhg ubj “V” sryg qhevat gung zbzrag :)
I do like reading suggestions, though I usually don’t take them once a story is finished—mainly because I can’t get back into a story and grasp its gestalt well enough to revise it, without doing a big revision. I think I will use the phrase “why not accept a mere permutation of the same event?” sometime—there are probably many situations where that could be surprising and insightful.
Getting into what “I” was thinking at that moment is a can of worms… you could go in a lot of directions, such as how his loss of Julia might have caused his refusal to join a collective.