Firstly, you didn’t state whether you were considering public or private school. Most of my experience and knowledge is with public school, so some of my own points may not be applicable.
Finances: Public school would be cheaper than home schooling for you, but I don’t know about a cost comparison to private schools. In turns of a social impact, I have no real knowledge either way.
Behavioral: I knew a lot of kids who were homeschooled growing up. Most of their parents tried to get together with other homeschooled kids as often as possible, so that their kids had social interactions. Those individuals were pretty well adjusted. I knew of a few kids whose parents didn’t do that, and that weren’t nearly as social. Availability bias may be affecting my judgement on this. If you do decide to homeschool your kids, and you do decide to get together with other homeschooled kids, you should consider the people who are likely to be in that social group. You are not religious, but the vast majority of them will be. Your kids’ friends will probably not be learning about evolution. You may have to stave off conversion attempts. That’s a possible downside. With regards to extracurriculars, I knew a lot of homeschooled kids that did participate in (mostly scholastic) competitions between schools. Again, availability bias is skewing my own perception of how common this is, because that’s how I met most of them.
Child raising: Most homeschooled teenagers I knew weren’t big rebels. Part of that may be religious; most of them were frequently going to church youth groups and bible studies and had parents that were fairly strict. I don’t know how much connection that had to parents or religion, but those will probably be the children your kids are friends with.
Your wife: I tend to agree with your own take on this, assuming you can take care of teaching your kids all on your own.
Another point you didn’t mention: Education. Are your kids going to get a better education at home or at a conventional school? You are reading and commenting on less wrong, so I assume that rationalist methods of thinking are fairly important, and that you probably want your children educated in them. You can teach them that, as they grow older, but a public school probably won’t. You could still teach them those skills on the side, though, if you wanted to. Considering it the other way, I don’t know what quality of school is in your area, but how educated are you in each subject compared to the average teacher? By the time your kid gets to high school, their teachers would be individuals mostly with masters’ degrees in their respective fields. You may be good at the field you currently work in, but are you going to be as good at teaching the American revolution as a professional in the field of history? And as good at teaching chemistry as someone with an advanced degree in chemistry? A major advantage of having multiple teachers is the capability for specialization. Your kids are likely to get more knowledge in a public school, but might get better thinking skills with you.
Personally, I went to public school and did quite well. I was in all honors classes, which helped give me good thinking skills and knowledge. I definitely had complaints about the way the school system was run, but I did (eventually) develop good social skills because of the constant daily interaction with other people. However, my parents did teach me a lot outside of school. They bought me books, encouraged my own curiosity and originality, and did a pretty good job at finding a balance between discipline and liberalism. No matter what you choose to do, don’t forget that you will still be immensely important to your child’s education.
Public/private? Not sure. Haven’t thought about that much, but I can’t think of a good reason to pay more for private, particularly without the religious motivation.
Behavioral: great points and I can think of examples where I’ve known home school kids to interact with others through various sports organizations or clubs.
Rebellion possibility: good to know and thanks for sharing your own experience growing up as well.
Wife: she would be homeschooling, not me, so it comes down to deciding whether she continues to stay home, and if so… how long.
Education: great questions. I’m a mechanical engineer and would feel quite comfortable teaching up/through high school chemistry, physics, math (geo, alg, calc), control systems, [basic] computer programming, english, and probably some others I’m not thinking of. I should have mentioned this, but I think I’m only really considering this up through middle school anyway. I think high school is a big enough jump in several areas (responsibility, freedom, potential for more long-lasting friendships) that it would be a good thing for a kid to enter the school environment by that time. Also, as you point out, it’s almost guaranteed that teachers there will be better than me at most subjects if not all of them.
In general: I agree that I will have a role no matter what, as well. I’d like to invest a lot in teaching far more than what goes on in the classroom and have learned a lot from reading LW about trying to emphasize practical applications of knowledge and tools, not just carrying out equations in a vacuum and having no idea what they mean.
Side note on religion: my wife is still very religious. She seems to have eased up on the determination to raise my kids religious… but they still pick up quite a lot from her as she prays at home when I’m not there. They pretend to read the Bible, bow their heads before meals, etc. I’m wary of this impact on their future ability to remain open minded to evidence based reasoning when it comes to this area. It makes me a little wary about them being home with her all the time.
I really appreciate the comments. They are very helpful in opening me up to the various facets of this topic as I pursue further research.
With regards to the side note on religion, that sounds fairly similar to my own upbringing. My dad was fairly nonreligious, maybe deism is the right word. Haven’t talked about it with him all that much, but definitely not Christian. My mom, on the other hand, is quite religious. Not a fundamentalist, she’s a biologist and believes in evolution, etc, but still definitely gave me and my brother religion. I can’t say that that was fantastic, but I started being a rationalist as I transitioned from a Christian to an atheist. If your wife is raising your kids religious, they might yet get some benefits from it, even if it’s not what your wife intended. Emphasis on might, though.
Thanks for the additional comments. Yes, it’s a tricky question. She seems to have shifted from a “Definitely will raise religious” to “Will simply do what I do and if they ask about it (e.g. what prayer is, god, etc.) then I’ll tell them what I believe.” We’ll see how this plays out, but I think telling them about (if that’s really what she does) will be a far stretch better than instructing them on or teaching as fact. Does that make sense?
I’m glad this happened, as I was in a tough spot. I tended to think that my options were a) both teach equally that our positions were true, b) me let my wife teach religion and I say nothing, and c) teach proven rational tools but not anything about religion.
I thought c) was by far the best option, but also thought a) would have been more harmful than b). I don’t think whiplashing a kid between two sides at young ages would have been helpful. It seems we’ve migrated toward c, which is great.
There’s my off-topic ramble for you—thanks for your comments.
Firstly, you didn’t state whether you were considering public or private school. Most of my experience and knowledge is with public school, so some of my own points may not be applicable.
Finances: Public school would be cheaper than home schooling for you, but I don’t know about a cost comparison to private schools. In turns of a social impact, I have no real knowledge either way.
Behavioral: I knew a lot of kids who were homeschooled growing up. Most of their parents tried to get together with other homeschooled kids as often as possible, so that their kids had social interactions. Those individuals were pretty well adjusted. I knew of a few kids whose parents didn’t do that, and that weren’t nearly as social. Availability bias may be affecting my judgement on this. If you do decide to homeschool your kids, and you do decide to get together with other homeschooled kids, you should consider the people who are likely to be in that social group. You are not religious, but the vast majority of them will be. Your kids’ friends will probably not be learning about evolution. You may have to stave off conversion attempts. That’s a possible downside. With regards to extracurriculars, I knew a lot of homeschooled kids that did participate in (mostly scholastic) competitions between schools. Again, availability bias is skewing my own perception of how common this is, because that’s how I met most of them.
Child raising: Most homeschooled teenagers I knew weren’t big rebels. Part of that may be religious; most of them were frequently going to church youth groups and bible studies and had parents that were fairly strict. I don’t know how much connection that had to parents or religion, but those will probably be the children your kids are friends with.
Your wife: I tend to agree with your own take on this, assuming you can take care of teaching your kids all on your own.
Another point you didn’t mention: Education. Are your kids going to get a better education at home or at a conventional school? You are reading and commenting on less wrong, so I assume that rationalist methods of thinking are fairly important, and that you probably want your children educated in them. You can teach them that, as they grow older, but a public school probably won’t. You could still teach them those skills on the side, though, if you wanted to. Considering it the other way, I don’t know what quality of school is in your area, but how educated are you in each subject compared to the average teacher? By the time your kid gets to high school, their teachers would be individuals mostly with masters’ degrees in their respective fields. You may be good at the field you currently work in, but are you going to be as good at teaching the American revolution as a professional in the field of history? And as good at teaching chemistry as someone with an advanced degree in chemistry? A major advantage of having multiple teachers is the capability for specialization. Your kids are likely to get more knowledge in a public school, but might get better thinking skills with you.
Personally, I went to public school and did quite well. I was in all honors classes, which helped give me good thinking skills and knowledge. I definitely had complaints about the way the school system was run, but I did (eventually) develop good social skills because of the constant daily interaction with other people. However, my parents did teach me a lot outside of school. They bought me books, encouraged my own curiosity and originality, and did a pretty good job at finding a balance between discipline and liberalism. No matter what you choose to do, don’t forget that you will still be immensely important to your child’s education.
Great reply. To your points:
Public/private? Not sure. Haven’t thought about that much, but I can’t think of a good reason to pay more for private, particularly without the religious motivation.
Behavioral: great points and I can think of examples where I’ve known home school kids to interact with others through various sports organizations or clubs.
Rebellion possibility: good to know and thanks for sharing your own experience growing up as well.
Wife: she would be homeschooling, not me, so it comes down to deciding whether she continues to stay home, and if so… how long.
Education: great questions. I’m a mechanical engineer and would feel quite comfortable teaching up/through high school chemistry, physics, math (geo, alg, calc), control systems, [basic] computer programming, english, and probably some others I’m not thinking of. I should have mentioned this, but I think I’m only really considering this up through middle school anyway. I think high school is a big enough jump in several areas (responsibility, freedom, potential for more long-lasting friendships) that it would be a good thing for a kid to enter the school environment by that time. Also, as you point out, it’s almost guaranteed that teachers there will be better than me at most subjects if not all of them.
In general: I agree that I will have a role no matter what, as well. I’d like to invest a lot in teaching far more than what goes on in the classroom and have learned a lot from reading LW about trying to emphasize practical applications of knowledge and tools, not just carrying out equations in a vacuum and having no idea what they mean.
Side note on religion: my wife is still very religious. She seems to have eased up on the determination to raise my kids religious… but they still pick up quite a lot from her as she prays at home when I’m not there. They pretend to read the Bible, bow their heads before meals, etc. I’m wary of this impact on their future ability to remain open minded to evidence based reasoning when it comes to this area. It makes me a little wary about them being home with her all the time.
I really appreciate the comments. They are very helpful in opening me up to the various facets of this topic as I pursue further research.
Happy to help.
With regards to the side note on religion, that sounds fairly similar to my own upbringing. My dad was fairly nonreligious, maybe deism is the right word. Haven’t talked about it with him all that much, but definitely not Christian. My mom, on the other hand, is quite religious. Not a fundamentalist, she’s a biologist and believes in evolution, etc, but still definitely gave me and my brother religion. I can’t say that that was fantastic, but I started being a rationalist as I transitioned from a Christian to an atheist. If your wife is raising your kids religious, they might yet get some benefits from it, even if it’s not what your wife intended. Emphasis on might, though.
Thanks for the additional comments. Yes, it’s a tricky question. She seems to have shifted from a “Definitely will raise religious” to “Will simply do what I do and if they ask about it (e.g. what prayer is, god, etc.) then I’ll tell them what I believe.” We’ll see how this plays out, but I think telling them about (if that’s really what she does) will be a far stretch better than instructing them on or teaching as fact. Does that make sense?
I’m glad this happened, as I was in a tough spot. I tended to think that my options were a) both teach equally that our positions were true, b) me let my wife teach religion and I say nothing, and c) teach proven rational tools but not anything about religion.
I thought c) was by far the best option, but also thought a) would have been more harmful than b). I don’t think whiplashing a kid between two sides at young ages would have been helpful. It seems we’ve migrated toward c, which is great.
There’s my off-topic ramble for you—thanks for your comments.