I’m referring to that. Sending that message is an implicit lie—well, you could call it a “social fiction”, if you like a less loaded word.
It is also a message that is very likely to be misunderstood (I don’t yet know my way around lesswrong well enough to find it again, but I think there’s an essay here someplace that deals with the likelyhood of recipients understanding something completely different than what you intended to mean, but you not being able to detect this because the interpretation you know shapes your perception of what you said).
So if your true reaction is “you are just trying to reduce my status, and I don’t think it’s worth it for me to discuss this further”, my choice, given the option to not display it or to display it, would usually be to display it, if a reaction was expected of me.
I hope I was able to clarify my distinction between having a true reaction, and displaying it. In a nutshell, if you notice something, you have a reaction, and by not displaying it (when it is expected of you), you create an ambiguous situation that is not likely to communicate to the other person what you want it to communicate.
I don’t think these are normally useful ways of thinking about status posturing. Verbalising this stuff is a faux pas in the overwhelming majority of human social groups.
I’m not sure if I disagree with you on whether the message is “very likely” to be understood. In my limited experience, and with my below average people reading skills, I’d say that most status jockeying in non-intimate contexts is obvious enough for me to notice if I’m paying attention to the interaction.
The post you meant is probably Illusion of Transparency. I contend that it applies less strongly to in person status jockeying than to lingual information transfer. I suggest you watch a clip of a foreign language movie if you disagree.
So if your true reaction is “you are just trying to reduce my status, and I don’t think it’s worth it for me to discuss this further”, my choice, given the option to not display it or to display it, would usually be to display it, if a reaction was expected of me.
This can work sometimes but it in most contexts it is difficult to pull off without sounding awkward or crude. At best it conveys that you are aware that social dynamics exist but aren’t quite able to navigate them smoothly yet. Mind you unless there is a pre-existing differential in status or social skills in their favour they will tend to come off slightly worse than you in the exchange. A costly punishment.
I’m referring to that. Sending that message is an implicit lie—well, you could call it a “social fiction”, if you like a less loaded word.
It is also a message that is very likely to be misunderstood (I don’t yet know my way around lesswrong well enough to find it again, but I think there’s an essay here someplace that deals with the likelyhood of recipients understanding something completely different than what you intended to mean, but you not being able to detect this because the interpretation you know shapes your perception of what you said).
So if your true reaction is “you are just trying to reduce my status, and I don’t think it’s worth it for me to discuss this further”, my choice, given the option to not display it or to display it, would usually be to display it, if a reaction was expected of me.
I hope I was able to clarify my distinction between having a true reaction, and displaying it. In a nutshell, if you notice something, you have a reaction, and by not displaying it (when it is expected of you), you create an ambiguous situation that is not likely to communicate to the other person what you want it to communicate.
implicit lie vs. social fiction
I don’t think these are normally useful ways of thinking about status posturing. Verbalising this stuff is a faux pas in the overwhelming majority of human social groups.
I’m not sure if I disagree with you on whether the message is “very likely” to be understood. In my limited experience, and with my below average people reading skills, I’d say that most status jockeying in non-intimate contexts is obvious enough for me to notice if I’m paying attention to the interaction.
The post you meant is probably Illusion of Transparency. I contend that it applies less strongly to in person status jockeying than to lingual information transfer. I suggest you watch a clip of a foreign language movie if you disagree.
Yes, that’s the post I was referring to. Thank you!
This can work sometimes but it in most contexts it is difficult to pull off without sounding awkward or crude. At best it conveys that you are aware that social dynamics exist but aren’t quite able to navigate them smoothly yet. Mind you unless there is a pre-existing differential in status or social skills in their favour they will tend to come off slightly worse than you in the exchange. A costly punishment.