If you’re not angry, what would motivate you to do any of those things?
Put simply, sometimes displaying a strong emotional response (genuine or otherwise) is the only way to convince someone that you’re serious about something. This seems to be particularly true when dealing with people who aren’t inclined to use more ‘intellectual’ communication methods.
Put simply, sometimes displaying a strong emotional response (genuine or otherwise) is the only way to convince someone that you’re serious about something. This seems to be particularly true when dealing with people who aren’t inclined to use more ‘intellectual’ communication methods.
I think you’re right. Mind you as someone who is interested in communication that doesn’t involve control via strong emotional responses I most definitely don’t reward bad behaviour by giving the other what they want. This applies especially if they use the aggressive tactics of the kind mentioned here. I treat those as attacks and respond in such a way as to discourage any further aggression by them or other witnesses.
This is not to say I don’t care about the other’s experience or desires, nor does it mean that a strong emotional response will rule out me giving them what they want. If the other is someone that I care about I will encourage them towards expressions that actually might work for getting me to give them what they want. I’ll guide them towards asking me for something and perhaps telling me why it matters to them. This is more effective than making demands or attempting to emotionally control.
I’m far more generous than I am vulnerable to dominance attempts and I’m actually willing to consciously make myself vulnerable to personal requests to just behind the line of being an outright weakness because I have a strong preference for that mode of communication. Mind you even this tends to be strongly conditional on a certain degree of reciprocation.
Point being that I agree with the sometimes qualifier; the benefit to such displays (genuine or otherwise) is highly variable. We also have the ability to influence whether people make such displays to us. Partly by the incentive they have and partly by simple screening.
Seems true. Nevertheless I’ve never used it in this way. This may have more to do with my personality than anything: from what I’ve read here, I’m more of a conformist than the average Less Wrong reader, and I put a higher value on social harmony. I hate arguments that turn personal and emotional.
Put simply, sometimes displaying a strong emotional response (genuine or otherwise) is the only way to convince someone that you’re serious about something. This seems to be particularly true when dealing with people who aren’t inclined to use more ‘intellectual’ communication methods.
I think you’re right. Mind you as someone who is interested in communication that doesn’t involve control via strong emotional responses I most definitely don’t reward bad behaviour by giving the other what they want. This applies especially if they use the aggressive tactics of the kind mentioned here. I treat those as attacks and respond in such a way as to discourage any further aggression by them or other witnesses.
This is not to say I don’t care about the other’s experience or desires, nor does it mean that a strong emotional response will rule out me giving them what they want. If the other is someone that I care about I will encourage them towards expressions that actually might work for getting me to give them what they want. I’ll guide them towards asking me for something and perhaps telling me why it matters to them. This is more effective than making demands or attempting to emotionally control.
I’m far more generous than I am vulnerable to dominance attempts and I’m actually willing to consciously make myself vulnerable to personal requests to just behind the line of being an outright weakness because I have a strong preference for that mode of communication. Mind you even this tends to be strongly conditional on a certain degree of reciprocation.
Point being that I agree with the sometimes qualifier; the benefit to such displays (genuine or otherwise) is highly variable. We also have the ability to influence whether people make such displays to us. Partly by the incentive they have and partly by simple screening.
Seems true. Nevertheless I’ve never used it in this way. This may have more to do with my personality than anything: from what I’ve read here, I’m more of a conformist than the average Less Wrong reader, and I put a higher value on social harmony. I hate arguments that turn personal and emotional.