Gatherings with generous alcohol drinking tend to have louder music because alcohol relaxes the inner ear muscles, resulting in less vibration being conveyed, resulting in sound dampening. So anyone drinking alcohol experiences lower sound volumes. This means that a comfortable volume for a drunk person is quite a bit higher than for a sober person. Which is a fact that can be quite unpleasant if you are the designated driver! I always try to remember to bring earplugs if I’m going to be a designated driver for a group going out drinking.
If you are drinking less than the average amount of alcohol at a social gathering, chances are your opinion of the music will be that it is too loud.
2. The intent of the social gathering in some cases is to facilitate good conversations. In such a case the person managing the music (host or DJ) should be thoughtful of this, and aim for a ‘coffee shop’ vibe with quiet background music and places to go in the venue where the music dwindles away.
In the alternate case, where the intent of the party is to facilitate social connection and/or flirtation and/or fun dancing… then the host / DJ may be actively pushing the music loud to discourage any but the most minimal conversation, trying to get people to drink alcohol and dance rather than talk, and at most have brief simple 1-1 conversations. A dance club is an example of a place deliberately aiming for this end of the spectrum.
So, in designing a social gathering, these factors are definitely something to keep in mind. What are the goals of the gathering? How much, if any, alcohol will the guests be drinking? If you have put someone in charge of controlling the music, are they on the same page about this? Or are they someone who is used to controlling music in a way appropriate to dance hall style scenarios and will default to that?
In regards to intellectual discussion focused gatherings, I do actually think that there can be a place for gatherings of people in which only a small subset of people talk… but I agree this shouldn’t be the default. The scenario where I think this makes sense is something more like a debate club or mini lecture with people taking turns to ask questions or challenge assumptions of the lecturer. This is less a social gathering and more an educational type experience, but can certainly be something on the borderlands between coffeeshop-style small group conversation and formal academic setting. Rousing debates and speeches or mini lectures around topics that the group finds interesting, relevant, and important can be both an educational experience and a fun social experience to perform or watch. I think this is something that needs more planning and structure to go well, and which people should be aware is intended and what rules the audience will be expected to follow in regards to interruptions, etc.
get people to drink alcohol and dance rather than talk
Also important to notice that restaurants and bars are not fully aligned with your goals. On one hand, if you feel good there, you are likely to come again, and thus generate more profit for them—this part is win/win. On the other hand, it is better for them if you spend less time talking (even if that’s what you like), and instead eat and drink more, and then leave, so that other paying customers can come—that part is win/lose.
(Could restaurants become better aligned if instead of food we paid them for time? I suspect this would result in other kind of frustrating actions, such as them taking too much time to bring the food in very small portions.)
So while it is true that the music serves a socially useful purpose, it also serves a profit-increasing purpose, so I suspect that the usual volume of music we are used to is much higher than would be socially optimal.
Could restaurants become better aligned if instead of food we paid them for time?
The “anti-café” concept is like this. I’ve never been to one myself, but I’ve seen descriptions on the Web of a few of them existing. They don’t provide anything like restaurant-style service that I’ve heard; instead, there are often cheap or free snacks along the lines of what a office break room might carry, along with other amenities, and you pay for the amount of time you spend there.
I think a restaurant where you paid for time, if the food was nothing special, would quickly turn into a coworking space. Maybe it would be more open-office and more amenable to creative, conversational, interpersonal work rather than laptop work. You probably want it to be a cafe—or at least look like a cafe from the outside in signage / branding; you may want architectural sound dampening like a denny’s booth. You could sell pre-packaged food and sodas—it isn’t what they’re here for. Or you could even sell or rent activities like coloring books, simple social tabletop games, small toys, lockpicking practice locks, tiny marshmallow candle smore sets, and so on.
Other factors also to consider:
1.
Gatherings with generous alcohol drinking tend to have louder music because alcohol relaxes the inner ear muscles, resulting in less vibration being conveyed, resulting in sound dampening. So anyone drinking alcohol experiences lower sound volumes. This means that a comfortable volume for a drunk person is quite a bit higher than for a sober person. Which is a fact that can be quite unpleasant if you are the designated driver! I always try to remember to bring earplugs if I’m going to be a designated driver for a group going out drinking.
If you are drinking less than the average amount of alcohol at a social gathering, chances are your opinion of the music will be that it is too loud.
2. The intent of the social gathering in some cases is to facilitate good conversations. In such a case the person managing the music (host or DJ) should be thoughtful of this, and aim for a ‘coffee shop’ vibe with quiet background music and places to go in the venue where the music dwindles away.
In the alternate case, where the intent of the party is to facilitate social connection and/or flirtation and/or fun dancing… then the host / DJ may be actively pushing the music loud to discourage any but the most minimal conversation, trying to get people to drink alcohol and dance rather than talk, and at most have brief simple 1-1 conversations. A dance club is an example of a place deliberately aiming for this end of the spectrum.
So, in designing a social gathering, these factors are definitely something to keep in mind. What are the goals of the gathering? How much, if any, alcohol will the guests be drinking? If you have put someone in charge of controlling the music, are they on the same page about this? Or are they someone who is used to controlling music in a way appropriate to dance hall style scenarios and will default to that?
In regards to intellectual discussion focused gatherings, I do actually think that there can be a place for gatherings of people in which only a small subset of people talk… but I agree this shouldn’t be the default. The scenario where I think this makes sense is something more like a debate club or mini lecture with people taking turns to ask questions or challenge assumptions of the lecturer. This is less a social gathering and more an educational type experience, but can certainly be something on the borderlands between coffeeshop-style small group conversation and formal academic setting. Rousing debates and speeches or mini lectures around topics that the group finds interesting, relevant, and important can be both an educational experience and a fun social experience to perform or watch. I think this is something that needs more planning and structure to go well, and which people should be aware is intended and what rules the audience will be expected to follow in regards to interruptions, etc.
Wow, I had no idea about the effects of alcohol on hearing! It makes so much sense—I never drink and I hate how loud the music is in parties!
Also important to notice that restaurants and bars are not fully aligned with your goals. On one hand, if you feel good there, you are likely to come again, and thus generate more profit for them—this part is win/win. On the other hand, it is better for them if you spend less time talking (even if that’s what you like), and instead eat and drink more, and then leave, so that other paying customers can come—that part is win/lose.
(Could restaurants become better aligned if instead of food we paid them for time? I suspect this would result in other kind of frustrating actions, such as them taking too much time to bring the food in very small portions.)
So while it is true that the music serves a socially useful purpose, it also serves a profit-increasing purpose, so I suspect that the usual volume of music we are used to is much higher than would be socially optimal.
I also like Lorxus’s proposal of playing natural noises instead.
The “anti-café” concept is like this. I’ve never been to one myself, but I’ve seen descriptions on the Web of a few of them existing. They don’t provide anything like restaurant-style service that I’ve heard; instead, there are often cheap or free snacks along the lines of what a office break room might carry, along with other amenities, and you pay for the amount of time you spend there.
I think a restaurant where you paid for time, if the food was nothing special, would quickly turn into a coworking space. Maybe it would be more open-office and more amenable to creative, conversational, interpersonal work rather than laptop work. You probably want it to be a cafe—or at least look like a cafe from the outside in signage / branding; you may want architectural sound dampening like a denny’s booth. You could sell pre-packaged food and sodas—it isn’t what they’re here for. Or you could even sell or rent activities like coloring books, simple social tabletop games, small toys, lockpicking practice locks, tiny marshmallow candle smore sets, and so on.