I agree looking over it that the first half is stronger. As you suggest, talking about a concrete thing is a lot easier to be clear about than talking about general things, especially hard to reason about general things. In many ways I think, looking back, that I felt the second half was ‘necessary’ to cover various concerns, including making things more explicit in various ways, but perhaps it wasn’t necessary?
On the call to action front, acknowledged and I’m certainly guilty at the end. I do want to use them far more sparingly and will start doing that real soon now.
I agree looking over it that the first half is stronger. As you suggest, talking about a concrete thing is a lot easier to be clear about than talking about general things, especially hard to reason about general things. In many ways I think, looking back, that I felt the second half was ‘necessary’ to cover various concerns, including making things more explicit in various ways, but perhaps it wasn’t necessary?
On the call to action front, acknowledged and I’m certainly guilty at the end. I do want to use them far more sparingly and will start doing that real soon now.