Have you considered antidepressants? I recommend trying them out to see if they help. In my experience, antidepressants can have non-trivial positive effects that can be hard-to-put-into-words, except you can notice the shift in how you think and behave and relate to things, and this shift is one that you might find beneficial.
I also think that slowing down and taking care of yourself can be good—it can help build a generalized skill of noticing the things you didn’t notice before that led to the breaking point you describe.
Here’s an anecdote that might be interesting to you: There’s a core mental shift I made over the past few months that I haven’t tried to elicit and describe to others until now, but in essence it involves a sort of understanding that the sort of self-sacrifice that usually is involved in working as hard as possible leads to globally unwanted outcomes, not just locally unwanted outcomes. (Of course, we can talk about hypothetical isolated thought experiments and my feelings might change, but I’m talking about a holistic relating to the world here.)
Here’s one argument for this, although I don’t think this captures the entire source of my feelings about this: When parts of someone is in conflict, and they regularly are rejecting a part of them that wants something (creature comforts) to privilege the desires of another part of them that wants another thing (work more), I expect that their effectiveness in navigating and affecting reality is lowered in comparison to one where they take the time to integrate the desires and beliefs of the parts of them that are in conflict. In extreme circumstances, it makes sense for someone to ‘override’ other parts (which is how I model the flight-fight-fawn-freeze response, for example), but this seems unsustainable and potentially detrimental when it comes to navigating a reality where sense-making is extremely important.
The main part of the issue was actually that I was not aware I had internal conflicts. I just mysteriously felt less emotions and motivation. That’s the main thing all the articles I read of sustainable productivity did not transmit me, how to recognize it as it happens, without ever having my internal monologue saying “I don’t want to work on this” or something.
What do you think antidepressants would be useful for? I don’t expect to be matching any clinical criteria for depression.
The main part of the issue was actually that I was not aware I had internal conflicts. I just mysteriously felt less emotions and motivation.
Yes, I believe that one can learn to entirely stop even considering certain potential actions as actions available to us. I don’t really have a systematic solution for this right now aside from some form of Noticing practice (I believe a more refined version of this practice is called Naturalism but I don’t have much experience with this form of practice).
What do you think antidepressants would be useful for?
In my experience I’ve gone months through a depressive episode while remaining externally functional and convincing myself (and the people around me) that I’m not going through a depressive episode. Another thing I’ve noticed is that with medication (whether anxiolytics, antidepressants or ADHD medication), I regularly underestimate the level at which I was ‘blocked’ by some mental issue that, after taking the medication, would not exist, and I would only realize it previously existed due to the (positive) changes in my behavior and cognition.
Essentially, I’m positing that you may be in a similar situation.
Have you considered antidepressants? I recommend trying them out to see if they help. In my experience, antidepressants can have non-trivial positive effects that can be hard-to-put-into-words, except you can notice the shift in how you think and behave and relate to things, and this shift is one that you might find beneficial.
I also think that slowing down and taking care of yourself can be good—it can help build a generalized skill of noticing the things you didn’t notice before that led to the breaking point you describe.
Here’s an anecdote that might be interesting to you: There’s a core mental shift I made over the past few months that I haven’t tried to elicit and describe to others until now, but in essence it involves a sort of understanding that the sort of self-sacrifice that usually is involved in working as hard as possible leads to globally unwanted outcomes, not just locally unwanted outcomes. (Of course, we can talk about hypothetical isolated thought experiments and my feelings might change, but I’m talking about a holistic relating to the world here.)
Here’s one argument for this, although I don’t think this captures the entire source of my feelings about this: When parts of someone is in conflict, and they regularly are rejecting a part of them that wants something (creature comforts) to privilege the desires of another part of them that wants another thing (work more), I expect that their effectiveness in navigating and affecting reality is lowered in comparison to one where they take the time to integrate the desires and beliefs of the parts of them that are in conflict. In extreme circumstances, it makes sense for someone to ‘override’ other parts (which is how I model the flight-fight-fawn-freeze response, for example), but this seems unsustainable and potentially detrimental when it comes to navigating a reality where sense-making is extremely important.
The main part of the issue was actually that I was not aware I had internal conflicts. I just mysteriously felt less emotions and motivation. That’s the main thing all the articles I read of sustainable productivity did not transmit me, how to recognize it as it happens, without ever having my internal monologue saying “I don’t want to work on this” or something.
What do you think antidepressants would be useful for? I don’t expect to be matching any clinical criteria for depression.
Yes, I believe that one can learn to entirely stop even considering certain potential actions as actions available to us. I don’t really have a systematic solution for this right now aside from some form of Noticing practice (I believe a more refined version of this practice is called Naturalism but I don’t have much experience with this form of practice).
In my experience I’ve gone months through a depressive episode while remaining externally functional and convincing myself (and the people around me) that I’m not going through a depressive episode. Another thing I’ve noticed is that with medication (whether anxiolytics, antidepressants or ADHD medication), I regularly underestimate the level at which I was ‘blocked’ by some mental issue that, after taking the medication, would not exist, and I would only realize it previously existed due to the (positive) changes in my behavior and cognition.
Essentially, I’m positing that you may be in a similar situation.