I think this happens because it takes skill to accept being wrong. I know this has essentially been mentioned on LW before (my most recent reading was in MrMind’s comment on the 5 Second Level), but I don’t think most people have learnt that skill.
What we learn is that if we say “yes, I was wrong”, others have then jumped on us, made fun of us or made an example of us - this starts when we’re kids, or in school, where if we happen to be around teachers or parents with an inferiority complex, we’ve quickly learnt that it’s better to be absolutely right or say nothing rather than be a little wrong.
We come here because we want to be, well, less wrong—and we’re willing to admit we’re wrong in order to be less so, so we’re more likely to enter an argument with the genuine goal of coming out with a less wrong answer, rather than proving that our view is right. Most people want to be right, want to fit in, want to not make a mistake because most of us have learnt that being wrong = bad, and we don’t want to be bad.
What we learn is that if we say “yes, I was wrong”, others have then jumped on us, made fun of us or made an example of us—this starts when we’re kids, or in school, where if we happen to be around teachers or parents with an inferiority complex, we’ve quickly learnt that it’s better to be absolutely right or say nothing rather than be a little wrong.
Had an interesting experience once—I have a reputation among friends for refusing to concede anything in arguments. I was debating something with a friend, and she said something I hadn’t considered, to which I responded: “Oh, really? Okay, I change my mind.”
Her response?: “Wow...that wasn’t nearly as satisfying as I thought it would be.”
Felt good.
/bragging
Moral of the story: The “winning-losing” social dynamic of admitting you were wrong is subverted if the other person perceives that you were not emotionally invested in your opinion...which is signaled by changing your mind quickly after the mind-changing argument or information is presented, and giving positive affect cues upon mind-change (similar to what you’d give after seeing the solution to a math problem).
I think this relates to the more general point that people usually find it more satisfying to get something they’ve worked for than to get things for free.
I think this happens because it takes skill to accept being wrong. I know this has essentially been mentioned on LW before (my most recent reading was in MrMind’s comment on the 5 Second Level), but I don’t think most people have learnt that skill.
What we learn is that if we say “yes, I was wrong”, others have then jumped on us, made fun of us or made an example of us - this starts when we’re kids, or in school, where if we happen to be around teachers or parents with an inferiority complex, we’ve quickly learnt that it’s better to be absolutely right or say nothing rather than be a little wrong.
We come here because we want to be, well, less wrong—and we’re willing to admit we’re wrong in order to be less so, so we’re more likely to enter an argument with the genuine goal of coming out with a less wrong answer, rather than proving that our view is right. Most people want to be right, want to fit in, want to not make a mistake because most of us have learnt that being wrong = bad, and we don’t want to be bad.
Had an interesting experience once—I have a reputation among friends for refusing to concede anything in arguments. I was debating something with a friend, and she said something I hadn’t considered, to which I responded: “Oh, really? Okay, I change my mind.”
Her response?: “Wow...that wasn’t nearly as satisfying as I thought it would be.”
Felt good.
/bragging
Moral of the story: The “winning-losing” social dynamic of admitting you were wrong is subverted if the other person perceives that you were not emotionally invested in your opinion...which is signaled by changing your mind quickly after the mind-changing argument or information is presented, and giving positive affect cues upon mind-change (similar to what you’d give after seeing the solution to a math problem).
I think this relates to the more general point that people usually find it more satisfying to get something they’ve worked for than to get things for free.
Admitting you’re wrong is not necessary for changing your mind. I think they’re two different skills.
Upvoted for the first two thirds.
Good point—I interchanged the two too readily.