This quote makes me feel uncomfortable. As a young adult i’m asking myself.
When someone is about to be a parent (I think this question stick more to a man than a woman, considering the empathic link that’s been biologicaly created between a child and his mother) is he really asking himself: Will they worth it ?
I mean, being a parent is a serious challenge, but a the dawn of “parenthood”, are we going to ask ourself if we are ready to face this challenge ? Or if the child will worth it ?
Because to my mind, there’s a huge gap between them. But i wonder how i’m going to react when the time will come. That one question makes me sick, but does it belong to our nature of self centered creature to ask something so horrible? Or does it only belongs to the worse parents. I wonder.
Dear Lesswrong’s parents, how did you react back then ? Would you kindly tell me ? [I’m 19 by the way]
I have always seen having children as an issue of cooperation. Not having children is obviously less work than having them. But if my parents would have been thinking this way, I wouldn’t be here.
Whatever trait you have that is making you consider not having children, by not having children you make this trait less frequent in the next generation. Think about the long-term impact.
It’s like a Newcomb’s dilemma, where you if you choose the box containing some additional difficulties in life, the Omega will also give you a box containing existence of more people like you.
For me the important question before having a baby was whether my partner is equally dedicated to provide a good background for the baby. Because one parent is not enough. Now my experience is that it is difficult, but less difficult than I expected.
Whatever trait you have that is making you consider not having children, by not having children you make this trait less frequent in the next generation.
Only if that behavior is genetic in origin. In many cases, voluntary childlessness is a learned idea that doesn’t need children to get passed on.
Learned ideas depend on the genetic ability to be receptive to that learned idea. So if you don’t have children because of the learned idea that it is better not to have children, future generations will be less receptive to the idea that it is better not to have children.
I think a prospective parent should be asking all of the following questions:
Am I—are we—ready to face the challenge?
Will I (we) be happier for having children?
Will the world be a better place for our having children?
If we have children, what will their lives be like?
If you only ask “will I be happier?” then yes, there’s probably something wrong with you. But I don’t think it’s an unreasonable question to ask alongside the others.
I would like to see a probability estimate for “Will the world be a better place for our having children?”, for example, one that’s based on some empirical realities and not on looking upwards and going “Hmmm....”
The outside view is certainly positive on the overall bundle: most humans choose to have children. Starting with that prior and adjustiing for heritability of IQ and social influence, it seems very likely that children of most LW readers will be net positive value.
It’s not what you asked for, but it’s sufficient to base decisions on.
When someone is about to be a parent (I think this question stick more to a man than a woman, considering the empathic link that’s been biologicaly created between a child and his mother) is he really asking himself: Will they worth it ?
I think the situation is very different planned vs. unplanned. For me, once the decision was made I had no second thoughts. Also, the little munchkins re-write you emotionally once they arrive ← no one told me about this, so it was actually a bit of a shock.
“They’re probably not worth having anyway”
This quote makes me feel uncomfortable. As a young adult i’m asking myself.
When someone is about to be a parent (I think this question stick more to a man than a woman, considering the empathic link that’s been biologicaly created between a child and his mother) is he really asking himself: Will they worth it ?
I mean, being a parent is a serious challenge, but a the dawn of “parenthood”, are we going to ask ourself if we are ready to face this challenge ? Or if the child will worth it ?
Because to my mind, there’s a huge gap between them. But i wonder how i’m going to react when the time will come. That one question makes me sick, but does it belong to our nature of self centered creature to ask something so horrible? Or does it only belongs to the worse parents. I wonder.
Dear Lesswrong’s parents, how did you react back then ? Would you kindly tell me ? [I’m 19 by the way]
I have always seen having children as an issue of cooperation. Not having children is obviously less work than having them. But if my parents would have been thinking this way, I wouldn’t be here.
Whatever trait you have that is making you consider not having children, by not having children you make this trait less frequent in the next generation. Think about the long-term impact.
It’s like a Newcomb’s dilemma, where you if you choose the box containing some additional difficulties in life, the Omega will also give you a box containing existence of more people like you.
For me the important question before having a baby was whether my partner is equally dedicated to provide a good background for the baby. Because one parent is not enough. Now my experience is that it is difficult, but less difficult than I expected.
Only if that behavior is genetic in origin. In many cases, voluntary childlessness is a learned idea that doesn’t need children to get passed on.
Learned ideas depend on the genetic ability to be receptive to that learned idea. So if you don’t have children because of the learned idea that it is better not to have children, future generations will be less receptive to the idea that it is better not to have children.
I have 5 siblings. My mother had 7 and my father had 9. There’s nothing genetic in my childlessness.
I think a prospective parent should be asking all of the following questions:
Am I—are we—ready to face the challenge?
Will I (we) be happier for having children?
Will the world be a better place for our having children?
If we have children, what will their lives be like?
If you only ask “will I be happier?” then yes, there’s probably something wrong with you. But I don’t think it’s an unreasonable question to ask alongside the others.
The answers to the last three questions, especially if asked about the first child, are “We don’t know”.
Just like the answers to all questions.
The answers to all of them are probability estimates. “don’t know” applies to all decisions, but isn’t a helpful framing.
I would like to see a probability estimate for “Will the world be a better place for our having children?”, for example, one that’s based on some empirical realities and not on looking upwards and going “Hmmm....”
The outside view is certainly positive on the overall bundle: most humans choose to have children. Starting with that prior and adjustiing for heritability of IQ and social influence, it seems very likely that children of most LW readers will be net positive value.
It’s not what you asked for, but it’s sufficient to base decisions on.
That’s just hardwired biological instincts. They have nothing to do with the questions asked.
I think the situation is very different planned vs. unplanned. For me, once the decision was made I had no second thoughts. Also, the little munchkins re-write you emotionally once they arrive ← no one told me about this, so it was actually a bit of a shock.
Me not understand. What’s this “empathic link,” in physical terms?