I’m in a similar situation. My nearest meetup is in Melbourne, too. But for me Melbourne is 9 hours’ drive away. I’m not just looking for friends—of which I have a few already, I’m also looking for a partner. Of all the woman I’ve met in the last decade (taken or otherwise), I’ve only met one who would not be turned off by this stuff and that one was taken.
On the friends front, I’ve sent messages to the two Less Wrong members that I could find who live in Adelaide, but no response yet. On the partner front, I recently had a date with a woman who asked me what I believed about the beginning of the world as an atheist. I said I open the science book and see what it says and then reread it every few years to get up to date. This led into a discussion of rationality, after which things cooled off. I haven’t heard back from her since then.
So do I need to keep my mouth shut about the things I think about? Or just wait for the statistically unlikely occurrence of a rationalist, un-taken woman who is also interested in me?
This led into a discussion of rationality, after which things cooled off.
Do you think you came across in a wrong way? Maybe too condescending, or too cold, or too calculating? Maybe you overused some LWish jargon, like “utility function”? Did you let her express her views and did you empathize with them?
I could have come across the wrong way. I’m pretty sure I mentioned a utility function at one point. I tried not to come across as cold. I think I gave her a chance to express her views. But she never did, so either I didn’t do a good enough job or she had another reason not to express them (shock at me, never thought about it, etc).
Well, I suppose as a general advice, it’s not a good idea to utter the words “utility function” on the first date with a person not already familiar with the term. Also, listening and empathizing (or, if you prefer, “constructing a mental model”) is a rational thing to do when meeting new people, date or no date.
I’m in a similar situation. My nearest meetup is in Melbourne, too. But for me Melbourne is 9 hours’ drive away. I’m not just looking for friends—of which I have a few already, I’m also looking for a partner. Of all the woman I’ve met in the last decade (taken or otherwise), I’ve only met one who would not be turned off by this stuff and that one was taken.
On the friends front, I’ve sent messages to the two Less Wrong members that I could find who live in Adelaide, but no response yet. On the partner front, I recently had a date with a woman who asked me what I believed about the beginning of the world as an atheist. I said I open the science book and see what it says and then reread it every few years to get up to date. This led into a discussion of rationality, after which things cooled off. I haven’t heard back from her since then.
So do I need to keep my mouth shut about the things I think about? Or just wait for the statistically unlikely occurrence of a rationalist, un-taken woman who is also interested in me?
Do you think you came across in a wrong way? Maybe too condescending, or too cold, or too calculating? Maybe you overused some LWish jargon, like “utility function”? Did you let her express her views and did you empathize with them?
I could have come across the wrong way. I’m pretty sure I mentioned a utility function at one point. I tried not to come across as cold. I think I gave her a chance to express her views. But she never did, so either I didn’t do a good enough job or she had another reason not to express them (shock at me, never thought about it, etc).
Well, I suppose as a general advice, it’s not a good idea to utter the words “utility function” on the first date with a person not already familiar with the term. Also, listening and empathizing (or, if you prefer, “constructing a mental model”) is a rational thing to do when meeting new people, date or no date.