In my experience, the first step in reconciling conflict is to understand one’s own values, before listening to those of others. There are multiple reasons for this step, but the one relevant to your point is that by reflecting on the tradeoffs that I accept or reject and why, I can feel secure in listening to someone else’s point of view. If their approach addresses my own concerns, then I can recognize it and that dissolves the disagreement. If it doesn’t, then I know enough about what I really want to suggest modifications to their approach that would address my concerns. Either way, it keeps me safe from value-drift, especially on important principles like ethics.
Just because someone else has valid concerns doesn’t mean I have to give up any of my own, but it doesn’t mean we’re at an impasse either. Humans have a habit of turning disagreements into false dichotomies. When they listen to each other, the conversation becomes, “alright, I understand your concerns, but you understand why mine are more important, right?” They are so quick to ask other people to sacrifice their values that they don’t think of exploring alternative approaches, ones that can change the situation to fulfill the values of all the stakeholders. That’s what I’m working on changing.
It’s hard to get clear enough on your values. In practice (and maybe also in theory) it’s an ongoing process.
Values aren’t the only thing going on. There are stances that aren’t even close to being either a value, a plan, or a belief. An example is a person who thinks/acts in terms of who they trust, and who seems good; if a lot of people that they know who seem good also think some other person seems good, then they’ll adopt that stance.
In my experience, the first step in reconciling conflict is to understand one’s own values, before listening to those of others. There are multiple reasons for this step, but the one relevant to your point is that by reflecting on the tradeoffs that I accept or reject and why, I can feel secure in listening to someone else’s point of view. If their approach addresses my own concerns, then I can recognize it and that dissolves the disagreement. If it doesn’t, then I know enough about what I really want to suggest modifications to their approach that would address my concerns. Either way, it keeps me safe from value-drift, especially on important principles like ethics.
Just because someone else has valid concerns doesn’t mean I have to give up any of my own, but it doesn’t mean we’re at an impasse either. Humans have a habit of turning disagreements into false dichotomies. When they listen to each other, the conversation becomes, “alright, I understand your concerns, but you understand why mine are more important, right?” They are so quick to ask other people to sacrifice their values that they don’t think of exploring alternative approaches, ones that can change the situation to fulfill the values of all the stakeholders. That’s what I’m working on changing.
Does that all make sense?
I think I agree, but
It’s hard to get clear enough on your values. In practice (and maybe also in theory) it’s an ongoing process.
Values aren’t the only thing going on. There are stances that aren’t even close to being either a value, a plan, or a belief. An example is a person who thinks/acts in terms of who they trust, and who seems good; if a lot of people that they know who seem good also think some other person seems good, then they’ll adopt that stance.