I have the same tendency… I find it a lot of work to hold a conversation even with a friend–my mom is pretty much the only person I can comfortably have a phone chat with, probably because she has a very loud, clear voice and because she isn’t unpredictable. Calling strangers, or answering a call which I think is from a stranger i.e. my phone/Internet provider company, is stressful. I’ll put off phone calls as long as I possibly can, although I’m not sure if it’s because of the anxiety or just because they’re more time consuming than writing an email.
I’ve been working on this by forcing myself to offer to make any necessary phone calls at my current job (at the hospital). This is stressful because a) it’s usually to strangers, i.e. a patient’s family, a doctor, or the X-ray department, and b) it’s in French, my second language. The act of saying “oh, I’ll take care of that phone call for you” is both easy and rewarding, because I like being really really helpful, and then once I’ve said I’ll do it, I’m committed and I have to do it. Weirdly enough, I’m still scared to answer the phone at work.
Disliking answering phones is part of a long list of semi-phobias I had as a kid–ordering food in restaurants, going up to the checkout to buy things in stores, etc. I still get anxious ordering drinks in a bar. It feels like this is part of the same category as my phone-phobia.
So, I’m not the only one. (I’ve partly overcome this, but I still prefer to only use the telephone for extremely short conversations (30 seconds or less) or when it’s the only available medium for communicating with a given person.
Yep, same here. My hearing is fine, but trying to understand speech through a telephone is a chore unless I’m in a very quiet room, and even then I can’t hear the other party if they interrupt me.
Partly the fact that speech on the phone is sometimes harder to understand, and partly some kind of aversion to non-trivial conversations with someone I don’t have visual contact with, where written text counts as visual. Not sure why that is.
I have some aversion to phone calls and prefer skype’s visual connection. My guess is that’s because if I don’t have anything to focus my eyes on, I’m more likely to see my body language and notice I’m nervous. And noticing that might make me more nervous.
I’m unsure whether I experience anything similar with email—I think I like email because I can take more time to reply.
aversion to non-trivial conversations with someone I don’t have visual contact with
I have a friend who is like that, although she does not like emails, either. Not sure about skype. I could never elicit a coherent explanation from her why physical presence is so important for information exchange. Must be some genetic factor.
There’s an emotional side-channel face to face, from expressions and body-language. All unconscious until you start to learn how it works, but it’s still there. It helps to avoid misunderstandings, talking at cross purposes, accidental offence, etc.
Missing that side channel is why e-mails and posts turn into flame wars, and writing clearly enough and reading carefully enough to avoid all these things makes e-mails take endless time compared with face-to-face. Same with written letters, of course.
Perhaps your friend had some early bad experiences with phone calls and e-mails caused by this, and formed an aversion?
Not deaf, just hate phones and am very much aware of my tendency to just not make calls even when I really should.
I have the same tendency… I find it a lot of work to hold a conversation even with a friend–my mom is pretty much the only person I can comfortably have a phone chat with, probably because she has a very loud, clear voice and because she isn’t unpredictable. Calling strangers, or answering a call which I think is from a stranger i.e. my phone/Internet provider company, is stressful. I’ll put off phone calls as long as I possibly can, although I’m not sure if it’s because of the anxiety or just because they’re more time consuming than writing an email.
I’ve been working on this by forcing myself to offer to make any necessary phone calls at my current job (at the hospital). This is stressful because a) it’s usually to strangers, i.e. a patient’s family, a doctor, or the X-ray department, and b) it’s in French, my second language. The act of saying “oh, I’ll take care of that phone call for you” is both easy and rewarding, because I like being really really helpful, and then once I’ve said I’ll do it, I’m committed and I have to do it. Weirdly enough, I’m still scared to answer the phone at work.
Disliking answering phones is part of a long list of semi-phobias I had as a kid–ordering food in restaurants, going up to the checkout to buy things in stores, etc. I still get anxious ordering drinks in a bar. It feels like this is part of the same category as my phone-phobia.
So, I’m not the only one. (I’ve partly overcome this, but I still prefer to only use the telephone for extremely short conversations (30 seconds or less) or when it’s the only available medium for communicating with a given person.
Yep, same here. My hearing is fine, but trying to understand speech through a telephone is a chore unless I’m in a very quiet room, and even then I can’t hear the other party if they interrupt me.
Is it possible that you have an auditory processing disorder? My fiancee has it and this sounds pretty much like her experience with phones.
Mm. I’ll make an appointment with my doctor today.
Cell phones have notably worse audio quality than landlines. Are landline-to-landline calls also a problem?
It’s been a while since I’ve used a landline. Since the quality is better, I’d expect there to be less of a problem.
Do you know what the reason for your phone aversion is?
Partly the fact that speech on the phone is sometimes harder to understand, and partly some kind of aversion to non-trivial conversations with someone I don’t have visual contact with, where written text counts as visual. Not sure why that is.
I have some aversion to phone calls and prefer skype’s visual connection. My guess is that’s because if I don’t have anything to focus my eyes on, I’m more likely to see my body language and notice I’m nervous. And noticing that might make me more nervous.
I’m unsure whether I experience anything similar with email—I think I like email because I can take more time to reply.
I have a friend who is like that, although she does not like emails, either. Not sure about skype. I could never elicit a coherent explanation from her why physical presence is so important for information exchange. Must be some genetic factor.
There’s an emotional side-channel face to face, from expressions and body-language. All unconscious until you start to learn how it works, but it’s still there. It helps to avoid misunderstandings, talking at cross purposes, accidental offence, etc.
Missing that side channel is why e-mails and posts turn into flame wars, and writing clearly enough and reading carefully enough to avoid all these things makes e-mails take endless time compared with face-to-face. Same with written letters, of course.
Perhaps your friend had some early bad experiences with phone calls and e-mails caused by this, and formed an aversion?