I don’t think your update follows from the information you provided. I think someonewrongonthenet asks a legit question.
Ehm… ok! Nobody said s/he didn’t...?
I think observing how fast the “signs of love” develop is a useful heuristic in determining how fast they could dump you
In my case the ‘courtship’ phase, let’s call it this way, lasted about two months. In your experience this is too fast or the correct time for assessing correctly someone’s interest?
Some people are just addicted to falling in love, and when it starts to fade, will look for their next rush.
That’s a new perspective… In my case I liked everything about her (at least, about what she was displaying), and I still think we had compatible lifestyles. I don’t know if this is a good heuristic for being together, but from my point of view it doesn’t get better than this. For her I cannot say, of course, but I don’t think it was the ‘falling in love’ addiction: I was her second partner at all, but mainly it’s at least suspicious that her ‘rush’ for me ended just about when a competitor showed up…
I could have been less blunt. I know it sucks to be dumped. I don’t know your situation better than you do, just trying to provide helpful perspective.
Some people change their genuine love interest quickly, especially if they fall in love easily. Some people take different kinds of emotions more seriously than others. Many of these people are not predatory at all. If she’s young, and you’re her second partner, maybe she’s just emotionally immature.
Don’t get me wrong, with “predatory” I didn’t mean to indicate some form of conscious behaviour targeting my money, nor do I think that she is faking her current engagement. I guess that in the end we are just giving different names to the same phoenomenon: feeling of love and attraction that adapts very quickly to better circumstances. All in all, it’s a very effective survival mechanism for her (and for a fair number of women I happened to know/study), it’s just emotionally wrecking for those on the other side…
But now that I’m (very painfully) aware of this possibility, I just need to calibrate for that and go on with my life.
Ah, I see what you mean. You’re right that I misunderstood you.
On an overly cynical side note, men adapt this way to more suitable partners too. It’s just that we usually don’t fall in love with resources and social status, but boobs and pretty faces.
On an overly cynical side note, men adapt this way to more suitable partners too.
Yesterday I was asking the same thing: if women see us as a bag of resources, and we could postulate that us males do the same thing, what kind of resources are we looking for in the other sex?
It’s just that we usually don’t fall in love with resources and social status, but boobs and pretty faces.
Meh, it’s not that easy: yes, if I see a pretty face I’m attracted, but I don’t know if cultural or not, I have fallen in love in the past with women that were not so beautiful but were for example fun to hang around, adventurous, caring, etc. In my opinion the statement that men search only for visual cues it’s extremely simplicistic and just plainly wrong.
Ehm… ok! Nobody said s/he didn’t...?
In my case the ‘courtship’ phase, let’s call it this way, lasted about two months. In your experience this is too fast or the correct time for assessing correctly someone’s interest?
That’s a new perspective… In my case I liked everything about her (at least, about what she was displaying), and I still think we had compatible lifestyles. I don’t know if this is a good heuristic for being together, but from my point of view it doesn’t get better than this. For her I cannot say, of course, but I don’t think it was the ‘falling in love’ addiction: I was her second partner at all, but mainly it’s at least suspicious that her ‘rush’ for me ended just about when a competitor showed up…
I could have been less blunt. I know it sucks to be dumped. I don’t know your situation better than you do, just trying to provide helpful perspective.
Some people change their genuine love interest quickly, especially if they fall in love easily. Some people take different kinds of emotions more seriously than others. Many of these people are not predatory at all. If she’s young, and you’re her second partner, maybe she’s just emotionally immature.
Don’t get me wrong, with “predatory” I didn’t mean to indicate some form of conscious behaviour targeting my money, nor do I think that she is faking her current engagement. I guess that in the end we are just giving different names to the same phoenomenon: feeling of love and attraction that adapts very quickly to better circumstances. All in all, it’s a very effective survival mechanism for her (and for a fair number of women I happened to know/study), it’s just emotionally wrecking for those on the other side… But now that I’m (very painfully) aware of this possibility, I just need to calibrate for that and go on with my life.
Ah, I see what you mean. You’re right that I misunderstood you.
On an overly cynical side note, men adapt this way to more suitable partners too. It’s just that we usually don’t fall in love with resources and social status, but boobs and pretty faces.
Yesterday I was asking the same thing: if women see us as a bag of resources, and we could postulate that us males do the same thing, what kind of resources are we looking for in the other sex?
Meh, it’s not that easy: yes, if I see a pretty face I’m attracted, but I don’t know if cultural or not, I have fallen in love in the past with women that were not so beautiful but were for example fun to hang around, adventurous, caring, etc. In my opinion the statement that men search only for visual cues it’s extremely simplicistic and just plainly wrong.