Good points. That is the easiest way to quickly communicate with someone and figure out why, if at all, you aren’t coming to the same conclusions. That being said, with 90% of the people I know, speaking in this way wouldn’t help the conversation and would annoy them. Back before I had realized this, much fewer people liked talking to me.
Interrupting to fix (point out) a technical problem with reasoning, that would be forgotten and ignored as insignificant otherwise.
If I can find a good place to interrupt (a pause or break in the explanation), and I’m speaking to a “normal” person, I’ll say “sorry, can you go back to X again? I don’t think I get it.” Or “I think we might be using the word ‘value’ for different things. What do you think it means?” Which, to ‘normal’ people, doesn’t sound as much like “your logic is flawed, you idiot.”
for you should point out considerations that you think relevant and expect the other didn’t take into account, which can change the conclusion.
No reason not to do this. Most people don’t find it rude or confrontational, AFAICT.
Interrupting an explanation that doesn’t help you, that you don’t accept and won’t benefit from for one reason or another, getting the conversation back on track or reframing it.
I will do this, as gently as I can, in an intellectually-driven conversation. The number of people I can have intellectually driven conversations with is already significantly less than the total number of people I know. I will not do this if the conversation is in any way a person seeking advice or empathy about their personal life. It’s their life. They get to decide what parts are important. (And yes, I do value being someone who people come to when they want advice or empathy. Not only does hearing about their inner emotions help me better understand people in generally, but it makes me feel valued.)
Confronting emotionally-driven reasoning helps with developing a measure of immunity to it, and ability to notice. People can be at their craziest when driven by emotion, so it’s particularly important to notice when you are so influenced and take sufficient precautions to confound the craziness.
Nurses are supposed to do this, too. Usually you would do it by making an observation like “You seem angry. Am I right?” ”...” “Do you think maybe you’re thinking X because you’re angry?”
with 90% of the people I know, speaking in this way wouldn’t help the conversation and would annoy them.
This. Code-switching is important. As a social work student, there’s a different way I speak to clients (especially irrational clients) than I would to someone I think is more capable of reasoning.
It’s their life. They get to decide what parts are important.
They don’t. They might emotionally detest any disagreement or the audacity of thinking about the question (to the point where at a particular stage a conversation wouldn’t work, without extensive background work), but there is no magical rule that makes particular people right about particular questions. It doesn’t matter who judges, only which questions have which actually correct answers.
It depends how she meant it. What is important to them depends entirely on them, not intrinsically on what Swimmer963 thinks or the way the rest of the world is.
But they don’t get to choose what parts are important. If it’s important to them how the world is (as humans, they do), then they can be wrong and rightfully judged wrong, exactly as you say.
Good points. That is the easiest way to quickly communicate with someone and figure out why, if at all, you aren’t coming to the same conclusions. That being said, with 90% of the people I know, speaking in this way wouldn’t help the conversation and would annoy them. Back before I had realized this, much fewer people liked talking to me.
If I can find a good place to interrupt (a pause or break in the explanation), and I’m speaking to a “normal” person, I’ll say “sorry, can you go back to X again? I don’t think I get it.” Or “I think we might be using the word ‘value’ for different things. What do you think it means?” Which, to ‘normal’ people, doesn’t sound as much like “your logic is flawed, you idiot.”
No reason not to do this. Most people don’t find it rude or confrontational, AFAICT.
I will do this, as gently as I can, in an intellectually-driven conversation. The number of people I can have intellectually driven conversations with is already significantly less than the total number of people I know. I will not do this if the conversation is in any way a person seeking advice or empathy about their personal life. It’s their life. They get to decide what parts are important. (And yes, I do value being someone who people come to when they want advice or empathy. Not only does hearing about their inner emotions help me better understand people in generally, but it makes me feel valued.)
Nurses are supposed to do this, too. Usually you would do it by making an observation like “You seem angry. Am I right?” ”...” “Do you think maybe you’re thinking X because you’re angry?”
This. Code-switching is important. As a social work student, there’s a different way I speak to clients (especially irrational clients) than I would to someone I think is more capable of reasoning.
They don’t. They might emotionally detest any disagreement or the audacity of thinking about the question (to the point where at a particular stage a conversation wouldn’t work, without extensive background work), but there is no magical rule that makes particular people right about particular questions. It doesn’t matter who judges, only which questions have which actually correct answers.
It depends how she meant it. What is important to them depends entirely on them, not intrinsically on what Swimmer963 thinks or the way the rest of the world is.
But they don’t get to choose what parts are important. If it’s important to them how the world is (as humans, they do), then they can be wrong and rightfully judged wrong, exactly as you say.