Hmmm… this sounds like something I go through at times as well, although (immediate) social pressure doesn’t seem to have anything to do with my own depressive episodes. Unfortunately, I don’t have any useful advice to give.
Do your episodes tend to happen when you’re alone and brooding about something that happened during the day? This used to happen to me when I was around 14-15 years old. I have more leeway in distracting myself when I’m alone, though, so I tend to be better at defusing those episodes now...and if I do burst into tears when I’m alone, who cares?
I’ve noticed a few specific things that make it more likely to happen.
One of them is going on a losing streak in Magic. I have FAR too much of my self-esteem wrapped up in that game, and I take losing pretty hard. My Magic skills are one of the few things I can say I’m honestly proud of. My success in school was years ago, and it wasn’t something I chose to undertake on my own—whenever I tried to stop, I got taken to psychiatrists. Being a 29 year old male who’s supported by his parents isn’t exactly good for my social status, and most people aren’t going to be impressed for very long when I tell them I’ve completed Battletoads or Nethack. If I can win at Magic, then I can be happy with my identity as a good Magic player. If I can’t, then I’m stuck with the image of myself as an unemployed loser who can’t even pass the test of wanting to have a job in the first place and therefore less worthy of respect than the guy who pumps gas at the local gas station. (I do occasionally wonder what will happen to me when my parents retire and eventually run out of money, but I’ve done my best to stop caring.)
Another is forgetting to take my medication—I’m more vulnerable to shocks when I’ve missed a dose of venlafaxine.
Hmm.. it sounds like your “depressive episodes have a lot to do with your immediate situation in life (“then I’m stuck with the image of myself as an unemployed loser...”) and maybe somewhat with brain chemistry, too (“I’m more vulnerable to shocks when I’ve missed a dose of venlafaxine.”).
I think the immediate situational causes for me are almos the exact opposite of yours. I place a huge importance on my long term goals, and on being satisfied with where I am in life and how well I’m doing. In comparison, I put hardly any weight on doing things that are pleasurable at the time, and I get a big guilt response if I spend too much time doing fun but “unproductive” activities, especially if akrasia causes me to do them at the cost of doing less of my long-term-goal-facilitating activities.
Unsurprisingly, I’m quite satisfied with my current position in life (in terms of finances, friendships, love life, fitness, etc), and I can get a big happiness boost by thinking about it. But a lot of my long-term-goal-related activites are annoying or frustrating-my healthy bank balance has resulted from a LOT of hours of boring work at the pool, my good grades and scholarship come from working hard in classes I often don’t find interesting, and juggling all this means that I’m often tired and don’t have time to do fun but time-wasting stuff. Swim team work ethic = “short term pain for long term gain”, so I swallow my frustration and plow through and then occasionally have a completely out-of-proportion reaction to a mildly frustrating or upsetting situation because I can’t handle it anymore.
It sounds like you put a higher weight on short-term doing pleasurable things and avoiding unpleasant things, which has its benefits but also comes with its tradeoffs.
It sounds like you put a higher weight on short-term doing pleasurable things and avoiding unpleasant things, which has its benefits but also comes with its tradeoffs.
Definitely.
Reading your other comments, I think that there are more differences than similarities between my “depressive episodes” and your meltdowns. My episodes come on gradually and tend to last for a couple of hours, eventually going away gradually as well. During them I tend to disappear into my room and sulk, thinking about how useless I am and sometimes banging my head against the wall in frustration. Listening to music that I like for about fifteen minutes is one of the few things that consistently brings me out of them.
Hmmm… this sounds like something I go through at times as well, although (immediate) social pressure doesn’t seem to have anything to do with my own depressive episodes. Unfortunately, I don’t have any useful advice to give.
Do your episodes tend to happen when you’re alone and brooding about something that happened during the day? This used to happen to me when I was around 14-15 years old. I have more leeway in distracting myself when I’m alone, though, so I tend to be better at defusing those episodes now...and if I do burst into tears when I’m alone, who cares?
I’ve noticed a few specific things that make it more likely to happen.
One of them is going on a losing streak in Magic. I have FAR too much of my self-esteem wrapped up in that game, and I take losing pretty hard. My Magic skills are one of the few things I can say I’m honestly proud of. My success in school was years ago, and it wasn’t something I chose to undertake on my own—whenever I tried to stop, I got taken to psychiatrists. Being a 29 year old male who’s supported by his parents isn’t exactly good for my social status, and most people aren’t going to be impressed for very long when I tell them I’ve completed Battletoads or Nethack. If I can win at Magic, then I can be happy with my identity as a good Magic player. If I can’t, then I’m stuck with the image of myself as an unemployed loser who can’t even pass the test of wanting to have a job in the first place and therefore less worthy of respect than the guy who pumps gas at the local gas station. (I do occasionally wonder what will happen to me when my parents retire and eventually run out of money, but I’ve done my best to stop caring.)
Another is forgetting to take my medication—I’m more vulnerable to shocks when I’ve missed a dose of venlafaxine.
Hmm.. it sounds like your “depressive episodes have a lot to do with your immediate situation in life (“then I’m stuck with the image of myself as an unemployed loser...”) and maybe somewhat with brain chemistry, too (“I’m more vulnerable to shocks when I’ve missed a dose of venlafaxine.”).
I think the immediate situational causes for me are almos the exact opposite of yours. I place a huge importance on my long term goals, and on being satisfied with where I am in life and how well I’m doing. In comparison, I put hardly any weight on doing things that are pleasurable at the time, and I get a big guilt response if I spend too much time doing fun but “unproductive” activities, especially if akrasia causes me to do them at the cost of doing less of my long-term-goal-facilitating activities.
Unsurprisingly, I’m quite satisfied with my current position in life (in terms of finances, friendships, love life, fitness, etc), and I can get a big happiness boost by thinking about it. But a lot of my long-term-goal-related activites are annoying or frustrating-my healthy bank balance has resulted from a LOT of hours of boring work at the pool, my good grades and scholarship come from working hard in classes I often don’t find interesting, and juggling all this means that I’m often tired and don’t have time to do fun but time-wasting stuff. Swim team work ethic = “short term pain for long term gain”, so I swallow my frustration and plow through and then occasionally have a completely out-of-proportion reaction to a mildly frustrating or upsetting situation because I can’t handle it anymore.
It sounds like you put a higher weight on short-term doing pleasurable things and avoiding unpleasant things, which has its benefits but also comes with its tradeoffs.
Definitely.
Reading your other comments, I think that there are more differences than similarities between my “depressive episodes” and your meltdowns. My episodes come on gradually and tend to last for a couple of hours, eventually going away gradually as well. During them I tend to disappear into my room and sulk, thinking about how useless I am and sometimes banging my head against the wall in frustration. Listening to music that I like for about fifteen minutes is one of the few things that consistently brings me out of them.