Hmm.. it sounds like your “depressive episodes have a lot to do with your immediate situation in life (“then I’m stuck with the image of myself as an unemployed loser...”) and maybe somewhat with brain chemistry, too (“I’m more vulnerable to shocks when I’ve missed a dose of venlafaxine.”).
I think the immediate situational causes for me are almos the exact opposite of yours. I place a huge importance on my long term goals, and on being satisfied with where I am in life and how well I’m doing. In comparison, I put hardly any weight on doing things that are pleasurable at the time, and I get a big guilt response if I spend too much time doing fun but “unproductive” activities, especially if akrasia causes me to do them at the cost of doing less of my long-term-goal-facilitating activities.
Unsurprisingly, I’m quite satisfied with my current position in life (in terms of finances, friendships, love life, fitness, etc), and I can get a big happiness boost by thinking about it. But a lot of my long-term-goal-related activites are annoying or frustrating-my healthy bank balance has resulted from a LOT of hours of boring work at the pool, my good grades and scholarship come from working hard in classes I often don’t find interesting, and juggling all this means that I’m often tired and don’t have time to do fun but time-wasting stuff. Swim team work ethic = “short term pain for long term gain”, so I swallow my frustration and plow through and then occasionally have a completely out-of-proportion reaction to a mildly frustrating or upsetting situation because I can’t handle it anymore.
It sounds like you put a higher weight on short-term doing pleasurable things and avoiding unpleasant things, which has its benefits but also comes with its tradeoffs.
It sounds like you put a higher weight on short-term doing pleasurable things and avoiding unpleasant things, which has its benefits but also comes with its tradeoffs.
Definitely.
Reading your other comments, I think that there are more differences than similarities between my “depressive episodes” and your meltdowns. My episodes come on gradually and tend to last for a couple of hours, eventually going away gradually as well. During them I tend to disappear into my room and sulk, thinking about how useless I am and sometimes banging my head against the wall in frustration. Listening to music that I like for about fifteen minutes is one of the few things that consistently brings me out of them.
Hmm.. it sounds like your “depressive episodes have a lot to do with your immediate situation in life (“then I’m stuck with the image of myself as an unemployed loser...”) and maybe somewhat with brain chemistry, too (“I’m more vulnerable to shocks when I’ve missed a dose of venlafaxine.”).
I think the immediate situational causes for me are almos the exact opposite of yours. I place a huge importance on my long term goals, and on being satisfied with where I am in life and how well I’m doing. In comparison, I put hardly any weight on doing things that are pleasurable at the time, and I get a big guilt response if I spend too much time doing fun but “unproductive” activities, especially if akrasia causes me to do them at the cost of doing less of my long-term-goal-facilitating activities.
Unsurprisingly, I’m quite satisfied with my current position in life (in terms of finances, friendships, love life, fitness, etc), and I can get a big happiness boost by thinking about it. But a lot of my long-term-goal-related activites are annoying or frustrating-my healthy bank balance has resulted from a LOT of hours of boring work at the pool, my good grades and scholarship come from working hard in classes I often don’t find interesting, and juggling all this means that I’m often tired and don’t have time to do fun but time-wasting stuff. Swim team work ethic = “short term pain for long term gain”, so I swallow my frustration and plow through and then occasionally have a completely out-of-proportion reaction to a mildly frustrating or upsetting situation because I can’t handle it anymore.
It sounds like you put a higher weight on short-term doing pleasurable things and avoiding unpleasant things, which has its benefits but also comes with its tradeoffs.
Definitely.
Reading your other comments, I think that there are more differences than similarities between my “depressive episodes” and your meltdowns. My episodes come on gradually and tend to last for a couple of hours, eventually going away gradually as well. During them I tend to disappear into my room and sulk, thinking about how useless I am and sometimes banging my head against the wall in frustration. Listening to music that I like for about fifteen minutes is one of the few things that consistently brings me out of them.