Make a move that indicates interest in a manner that is socially acceptable and effective.
(First, this can be a bad idea unless I’m actually interested in them myself, for obvious reasons, but henceforth I will assume I am.) It’s not like I never do that, but when I do, four things can happen: 1) they push me away or freak out, 2) they do nothing in particular or reciprocate lukewarmly, 3) they reciprocate enthusiastically, or 4) they escalate further. Now 1) is emotionally painful, but at least it’s clear what I should do (namely, don’t do that again and move the hell on)¹; on the other hand, with women from most parts of my country with whom I have any amount of familiarity at all² it basically never happens. 2) is particularly ambiguous, as it might mean that they don’t like me but don’t want to hurt my feelings, that they like me platonically but not romantically, that they’re still not sure of their own feelings and want to take things slow, that they like me but they’re shy, and probably also something else I haven’t thought about. Unfortunately, this has been the most common response in my experience. 3) is also somewhat ambiguous, as it might mean that they’re romantically interested in me, but also that they like me as a friend and they are particularly expansive. It is also a very common response IME. 4) is relatively unambiguous (though possibly not sure-fire—maybe they just are extremely expansive or something), but somewhat rare. So, in most cases I only get a limited amount of information. (On the other hand, if I observe the way they interact with everybody else, and know or guess how much they’ve drunk, I can try to figure out how shy or how expansive they are, which can help me interpret their interactions with me to some extent.)
If the environment is such that making social overtures when it so happens that there is not interest comes with a particularly high cost then it is probably best to find a better tribe.
Yup. I got response 1) above a lot when I was in Ireland. It felt awful. (And I didn’t know yet that the correct response to that was “don’t do that again and move the hell on”, which only made things worse.) Actually it still occasionally happens now that I’m back in Italy (usually in cold approaches initiated by me without a wingman, or with a low-agreeableness wingman), but now I just shrug it off and move on, at least during days when I’m sufficiently thick-skinned (namely, if in the last couple days I’ve ingested at least as many calories as I’ve expended).
Okay, it doesn’t necessarily indicates disliking, it might also indicate an extreme level of shyness—but I wouldn’t want to be with someone that shy anyway.
Apparently, even having been introduced to them by a mutual friend and talked to them for a couple minutes counts, at least if the mutual friend is female.
(First, this can be a bad idea unless I’m actually interested in them myself, for obvious reasons, but henceforth I will assume I am.) It’s not like I never do that, but when I do, four things can happen: 1) they push me away or freak out, 2) they do nothing in particular or reciprocate lukewarmly, 3) they reciprocate enthusiastically, or 4) they escalate further. Now 1) is emotionally painful, but at least it’s clear what I should do (namely, don’t do that again and move the hell on)¹; on the other hand, with women from most parts of my country with whom I have any amount of familiarity at all² it basically never happens. 2) is particularly ambiguous, as it might mean that they don’t like me but don’t want to hurt my feelings, that they like me platonically but not romantically, that they’re still not sure of their own feelings and want to take things slow, that they like me but they’re shy, and probably also something else I haven’t thought about. Unfortunately, this has been the most common response in my experience. 3) is also somewhat ambiguous, as it might mean that they’re romantically interested in me, but also that they like me as a friend and they are particularly expansive. It is also a very common response IME. 4) is relatively unambiguous (though possibly not sure-fire—maybe they just are extremely expansive or something), but somewhat rare. So, in most cases I only get a limited amount of information. (On the other hand, if I observe the way they interact with everybody else, and know or guess how much they’ve drunk, I can try to figure out how shy or how expansive they are, which can help me interpret their interactions with me to some extent.)
Yup. I got response 1) above a lot when I was in Ireland. It felt awful. (And I didn’t know yet that the correct response to that was “don’t do that again and move the hell on”, which only made things worse.) Actually it still occasionally happens now that I’m back in Italy (usually in cold approaches initiated by me without a wingman, or with a low-agreeableness wingman), but now I just shrug it off and move on, at least during days when I’m sufficiently thick-skinned (namely, if in the last couple days I’ve ingested at least as many calories as I’ve expended).
Okay, it doesn’t necessarily indicates disliking, it might also indicate an extreme level of shyness—but I wouldn’t want to be with someone that shy anyway.
Apparently, even having been introduced to them by a mutual friend and talked to them for a couple minutes counts, at least if the mutual friend is female.