Casual interactions work very poorly for me, and I have a feeling that that way to connect select against my particular mindset.
I understand what you mean, but think of causal interactions as a fast, cheap filter.
Finding people you’d really like to connect to will necessary involve a lot of trial and error. You would like to minimize the costs (in time and effort) of the trials and the errors. Causal connections basically allow you to do this: you have a limited, surface contact with a person and in the majority of cases that will be enough for you to filter that person out and continue looking.
Don’t think of small talk as a way to bond—think of it as ritualized low-effort behavior one engages in while evaluating the other person.
Don’t think of small talk as a way to bond—think of it as ritualized low-effort behavior one engages in while evaluating the other person.
I was in fact referring to casual interactions as way to bond and build rapport, because a lot of people do it that way, and I also think that’s what MathiasZaman suggested (though maybe he meant it in a different way?).
Oh wait. Is that what you mean by small talk? I think my understanding of the concept just shifted.
I was thinking of small talk as “that boring thing people do when they don’t want to talk about serious stuff”. But of course I use it in the fashion that you described, and it’s actually quite fun when done that way.
I understand what you mean, but think of causal interactions as a fast, cheap filter.
Finding people you’d really like to connect to will necessary involve a lot of trial and error. You would like to minimize the costs (in time and effort) of the trials and the errors. Causal connections basically allow you to do this: you have a limited, surface contact with a person and in the majority of cases that will be enough for you to filter that person out and continue looking.
Don’t think of small talk as a way to bond—think of it as ritualized low-effort behavior one engages in while evaluating the other person.
I was in fact referring to casual interactions as way to bond and build rapport, because a lot of people do it that way, and I also think that’s what MathiasZaman suggested (though maybe he meant it in a different way?).
Oh wait. Is that what you mean by small talk? I think my understanding of the concept just shifted. I was thinking of small talk as “that boring thing people do when they don’t want to talk about serious stuff”. But of course I use it in the fashion that you described, and it’s actually quite fun when done that way.
If you actually want to bond, you don’t want casual interactions—you want highly emotional shared experiences.
That sounds right. Thank you for pointing out the distinction.