It was difficult for me to follow your point due to your writing style. You use too many rhetorical questions and too many parentheses. Stay on topic. Don’t make an aside unless it’s interesting and consider using footnotes. In general, cut down on words and sentences you don’t need. I really think your point can be made in 3-4 paragraphs.
It was difficult for me to follow your point due to your writing style. You use too many rhetorical questions and too many parentheses. Stay on topic. Don’t make an aside unless it’s interesting and consider using footnotes. In general, cut down on words and sentences you don’t need. I really think your point can be made in 3-4 paragraphs.
I rewrote with respect to your criticism. It’s not perfect but hopefully better than before.