Point 1 - it wasn’t stylistically consistent with later chapters. When I wrote the original Chapter 1 I didn’t realize that this story was going to be funny. The part where Harry bites a math teacher in the original Chapter 2 is the exact part where I realized this story was going to be funny.
Point 2 - I got tripped up by the differences between the published SF I knew and the expectations of fanfiction. If you saw a character talking like that in a published SF novel, you would know that he was an alien or genetically engineered or that the author meant you to know something was funny about him. In fanfiction they assume that it’s either the author’s conceit or, more probable yet, you’re just a terrible author who can’t write realistic eleven-year-olds. I thought it was so blatantly lampshaded that nobody could possibly mistake it for an accident, but no, fanfiction readers just don’t think like that—they don’t look for clues and they do assume lousy authors. So I made Harry’s intellect slightly more subtle in the first chapter and let it dawn slightly more slowly.
I think that with the popularity of the fic, most people are making their way to it with recommendations that it is already good, so they will have a different reading strategy than somebody browsing for something worth reading.
I noticed quite a while ago with considerable disappointment that you had changed
Harry looked up at the sky, and began laughing. He couldn’t seem to help himself. This is the most improbable day of my life.
to
There was a long silence in the backyard. Then a boy’s voice said, calmly and quietly, “What.”
(with annoyance at the inappropriate punctuation on top of it: if you must avoid a question mark here, use an ellipsis, not a period!)
...but until seeing Eneasz’s comment I totally failed to notice that you had deleted that whole paragraph! Shame!
As a regular reader of neither SF nor fanfiction, I don’t really care about the “expectations” of those genres. As far as I’m concerned, Methods of Rationality is its own genre, and that paragraph was very much stylistically consistent with the rest of the story, funny parts and all, and it was particularly consistent with Harry as we have come to know him.
Actually, this part (minus the phrase “unmotivated conspiracies”) sounds like something out of British children’s fiction:
Even if Harry tried to explain the day’s events by sudden insanity or unmotivated conspiracies, that didn’t put everything back to normal. It didn’t make the day’s events expected. It didn’t make him feel not-confused. There was no denying that something very, very, very odd was going on
Anyway, maybe the passage could be tweaked for lightheartedness if that’s what you prefer, but I was really sorry to see the point about noticing confusion disappear.
There was a long silence in the backyard.
Then a boy’s voice said, calmly and quietly, “What.”
Previous:
Harry just stood there, stunned.
That was… unexpected…
The skeptical part of himself noted that he still hadn’t seen anything
that violated the known laws of the universe. Surely a little conspiracy
was far, far less improbable than the universe really working like that.
But it was also a technique of rationality to notice when you were
confused. To stop and say: wait a minute, that feels a little off, my
understanding of the world didn’t predict for that to happen. Even if Harry
tried to explain the day’s events by sudden insanity or unmotivated
conspiracies, that didn’t put everything back to normal. It didn’t make
the day’s events expected. It didn’t make him feel not-confused. There was
no denying that something very, very, very odd was going on.
Harry looked up at the sky, and began laughing. He couldn’t seem to
help himself.
This is the most improbable day of my life.
I was a bit sad to see today that the last bit of Chapter 1 had been changed. I really enjoyed the original.
Point 1 - it wasn’t stylistically consistent with later chapters. When I wrote the original Chapter 1 I didn’t realize that this story was going to be funny. The part where Harry bites a math teacher in the original Chapter 2 is the exact part where I realized this story was going to be funny.
Point 2 - I got tripped up by the differences between the published SF I knew and the expectations of fanfiction. If you saw a character talking like that in a published SF novel, you would know that he was an alien or genetically engineered or that the author meant you to know something was funny about him. In fanfiction they assume that it’s either the author’s conceit or, more probable yet, you’re just a terrible author who can’t write realistic eleven-year-olds. I thought it was so blatantly lampshaded that nobody could possibly mistake it for an accident, but no, fanfiction readers just don’t think like that—they don’t look for clues and they do assume lousy authors. So I made Harry’s intellect slightly more subtle in the first chapter and let it dawn slightly more slowly.
I think that with the popularity of the fic, most people are making their way to it with recommendations that it is already good, so they will have a different reading strategy than somebody browsing for something worth reading.
I noticed quite a while ago with considerable disappointment that you had changed
to
(with annoyance at the inappropriate punctuation on top of it: if you must avoid a question mark here, use an ellipsis, not a period!)
...but until seeing Eneasz’s comment I totally failed to notice that you had deleted that whole paragraph! Shame!
As a regular reader of neither SF nor fanfiction, I don’t really care about the “expectations” of those genres. As far as I’m concerned, Methods of Rationality is its own genre, and that paragraph was very much stylistically consistent with the rest of the story, funny parts and all, and it was particularly consistent with Harry as we have come to know him.
Actually, this part (minus the phrase “unmotivated conspiracies”) sounds like something out of British children’s fiction:
Anyway, maybe the passage could be tweaked for lightheartedness if that’s what you prefer, but I was really sorry to see the point about noticing confusion disappear.
But, but… that was the defining introductory moment! It set the tone for the entire fanfic!
I’m not sure why this was a reply to my comment, beginning with “but”, since it seems to be an expression of agreement.
Conversational emphasized disbelief, not directed at yourself (as implied by the subsequent words).
That’s what I first thought, but then I worried that I might have misunderstood.
I agree. I prefer the original form.
Me as well.
And me too.
What was the change?
New:
There was a long silence in the backyard. Then a boy’s voice said, calmly and quietly, “What.”
Previous:
Harry just stood there, stunned. That was… unexpected… The skeptical part of himself noted that he still hadn’t seen anything that violated the known laws of the universe. Surely a little conspiracy was far, far less improbable than the universe really working like that. But it was also a technique of rationality to notice when you were confused. To stop and say: wait a minute, that feels a little off, my understanding of the world didn’t predict for that to happen. Even if Harry tried to explain the day’s events by sudden insanity or unmotivated conspiracies, that didn’t put everything back to normal. It didn’t make the day’s events expected. It didn’t make him feel not-confused. There was no denying that something very, very, very odd was going on. Harry looked up at the sky, and began laughing. He couldn’t seem to help himself. This is the most improbable day of my life.
That looks like a really good change.