I think the word “trust” probably wouldn’t exist in a rationally designed language. If I know the base rate of pedophiles is 4% then I will expect that each person I meet has a 1 in 25 chance of being one. If they demonstrate certain qualities to me I will gradually update downward until I reach a point where they become an acceptable risk. There’s absolutely no reason to trust anybody on this front without such an analysis.
Source on those statistics, please? I find the claims dubious: in particular, the 25% figure seems to come from this “information packet”, which is unsourced and uncited, suggesting that it may not exist. The two Jensens, Cory Jewell and Steve, seem to build a career around inflating the numbers associated with child sexual assault. I can’t find sources for either of the other figures.
My stake in the game: I strongly distrust statistics given about child sexual assault unless they are highly specific about what is being discussed, for two reasons.
One is that the definition is incredibly vague: some sources mean “an adult engaging in intercourse with a minor under 13”, others mean “touch intended to be sexually gratifying, of a minor under 18, by another party of any age”, and definitions run the gamut. Another example: under this website’s definition of child sexual abuse, “any sexual activity between adults and minors or between two minors when one forces it on the other (...) like exhibitionism, exposure to pornography”, I was sexually abused at 11 when a chatroom troll sent me a link that turned out to be Two Girls, One Cup.
My second reason for reservation around these statistics is that they rarely take into consideration the preferences of the minor. When I was a minor, I had healthy and fulfilling sexual relationships; under many existing definitions, I was sexually assaulted by my loving sixteen-year-old boyfriend when I was sixteen, and under many more I was sexually assaulted by him when he turned eighteen and I was still seventeen. This seems ridiculous and objectionable to me.
A last note: I agree that it is impossible to tell from a few hours of interaction whether someone will abuse your child. Many people can’t tell even after years of loving marriage whether their spouse will abuse their children, so “demonstrating acceptable qualities” is not a very good intervention. The absolute best defense against one’s children having unwanted/traumatic interactions is to tell them how to set boundaries, tell them to yell if they’re touched in a way they don’t want, tell them that their body is their own and that nobody gets to touch it without their permission. This has the virtue of defending against all manner of abuse and mistreatment, at the hands of parents, extended family, family friends and acquaintances alike.
I couldn’t find the original page I was getting those numbers from, but here’s another that gives a bit more granularity. It does seem like that 25% number interprets “sexual abuse” very broadly, but the more detailed numbers are still horrifying and still cause for alertness.
A last note: I agree that it is impossible to tell from a few hours of interaction whether someone will abuse your child. Many people can’t tell even after years of loving marriage whether their spouse will abuse their children, so “demonstrating acceptable qualities” is not a very good intervention. The absolute best defense against one’s children having unwanted/traumatic interactions is to tell them how to set boundaries, tell them to yell if they’re touched in a way they don’t want, tell them that their body is their own and that nobody gets to touch it without their permission. This has the virtue of defending against all manner of abuse and mistreatment, at the hands of parents, extended family, family friends and acquaintances alike.
Indeed, I didn’t say “this is a horrible idea, Alicorn.” I was just trying to mention this consideration, which I was a bit surprised not to see mentioned in the original post. If the children are all well-educated about how to respond to attempted abuse, and the adults all know this, a strongly abuse-deterring environment is created.
I think the word “trust” probably wouldn’t exist in a rationally designed language. If I know the base rate of pedophiles is 4% then I will expect that each person I meet has a 1 in 25 chance of being one. If they demonstrate certain qualities to me I will gradually update downward until I reach a point where they become an acceptable risk. There’s absolutely no reason to trust anybody on this front without such an analysis.
Source on those statistics, please? I find the claims dubious: in particular, the 25% figure seems to come from this “information packet”, which is unsourced and uncited, suggesting that it may not exist. The two Jensens, Cory Jewell and Steve, seem to build a career around inflating the numbers associated with child sexual assault. I can’t find sources for either of the other figures.
My stake in the game: I strongly distrust statistics given about child sexual assault unless they are highly specific about what is being discussed, for two reasons.
One is that the definition is incredibly vague: some sources mean “an adult engaging in intercourse with a minor under 13”, others mean “touch intended to be sexually gratifying, of a minor under 18, by another party of any age”, and definitions run the gamut. Another example: under this website’s definition of child sexual abuse, “any sexual activity between adults and minors or between two minors when one forces it on the other (...) like exhibitionism, exposure to pornography”, I was sexually abused at 11 when a chatroom troll sent me a link that turned out to be Two Girls, One Cup.
My second reason for reservation around these statistics is that they rarely take into consideration the preferences of the minor. When I was a minor, I had healthy and fulfilling sexual relationships; under many existing definitions, I was sexually assaulted by my loving sixteen-year-old boyfriend when I was sixteen, and under many more I was sexually assaulted by him when he turned eighteen and I was still seventeen. This seems ridiculous and objectionable to me.
A last note: I agree that it is impossible to tell from a few hours of interaction whether someone will abuse your child. Many people can’t tell even after years of loving marriage whether their spouse will abuse their children, so “demonstrating acceptable qualities” is not a very good intervention. The absolute best defense against one’s children having unwanted/traumatic interactions is to tell them how to set boundaries, tell them to yell if they’re touched in a way they don’t want, tell them that their body is their own and that nobody gets to touch it without their permission. This has the virtue of defending against all manner of abuse and mistreatment, at the hands of parents, extended family, family friends and acquaintances alike.
I couldn’t find the original page I was getting those numbers from, but here’s another that gives a bit more granularity. It does seem like that 25% number interprets “sexual abuse” very broadly, but the more detailed numbers are still horrifying and still cause for alertness.
Indeed, I didn’t say “this is a horrible idea, Alicorn.” I was just trying to mention this consideration, which I was a bit surprised not to see mentioned in the original post. If the children are all well-educated about how to respond to attempted abuse, and the adults all know this, a strongly abuse-deterring environment is created.
Y’know, there is a medical diagnosis for this...