This type of honesty is very unheard of and I appreciate this a lot from you. Please, just take it step by step, I can assure that no one is out to get you and no one thinks that you’re being childish; all the contrary, you are quite honest and smart in your account.
I feel like many members of this community have had very similar experiences, I know that Scott Alexander, Eliezer, lukeprog , and Aella for example have had to make massive updates to their beliefs, and they’ve luckily written about it. I think you would get value from reading their accounts.
You don’t have to make immediate updates, these take a time, and only when you’re ready you can do so. In the end, your self-preservation, and self-actualization are the most important things you can optimize for.
I’m glad to hear that. Actually, though, it’s not necessarily best to call it “honesty”, as that implies that it is somehow a virtuous act wherein I am fighting against the urge to be dishonest / hide the truth; in reality, it is far harder for me to hide my negative feelings than to show them, and I’ve been essentially venting which I-when-sane consider to be rather crass and immature. I-when-not-sane have a LONG history of emotional outbursts to strangers on the internet.
Also, I-when-not-sane has possibly false beliefs about my overall health, some of which may be extreme exaggerations. I am really not sure. When I feel okay, as I do right now, the claim that I am in danger of self-harm for any reason seems ludicrous (because I-feeling-okay wouldn’t do it, and cannot empathize at all with I-when-not-okay), and I begin to worry that I’ve been unconsciously emotionally manipulating people by mentioning it.
It’s such fun to be an incoherent agent whose beliefs and utility function regularly shift drastically for no good reason! :P
This type of honesty is very unheard of and I appreciate this a lot from you. Please, just take it step by step, I can assure that no one is out to get you and no one thinks that you’re being childish; all the contrary, you are quite honest and smart in your account.
I feel like many members of this community have had very similar experiences, I know that Scott Alexander, Eliezer, lukeprog , and Aella for example have had to make massive updates to their beliefs, and they’ve luckily written about it. I think you would get value from reading their accounts.
You don’t have to make immediate updates, these take a time, and only when you’re ready you can do so. In the end, your self-preservation, and self-actualization are the most important things you can optimize for.
I’m glad to hear that. Actually, though, it’s not necessarily best to call it “honesty”, as that implies that it is somehow a virtuous act wherein I am fighting against the urge to be dishonest / hide the truth; in reality, it is far harder for me to hide my negative feelings than to show them, and I’ve been essentially venting which I-when-sane consider to be rather crass and immature. I-when-not-sane have a LONG history of emotional outbursts to strangers on the internet.
Also, I-when-not-sane has possibly false beliefs about my overall health, some of which may be extreme exaggerations. I am really not sure. When I feel okay, as I do right now, the claim that I am in danger of self-harm for any reason seems ludicrous (because I-feeling-okay wouldn’t do it, and cannot empathize at all with I-when-not-okay), and I begin to worry that I’ve been unconsciously emotionally manipulating people by mentioning it.
It’s such fun to be an incoherent agent whose beliefs and utility function regularly shift drastically for no good reason! :P