I didn’t read any bad intent from P on his/her comment. And I also got the general sense from the post: of looking for help rather than us telling how you can help LW, and I’m guessing that was the nature of the comment.
I feel like you are quite a smart person (and still very young) but with the wrong assumptions that may be blocking a very meaningful self-development that is key to life (being independent/belonging to a group that cares about you) and I think you will be benefit greatly from trying to accomplish these goals however hard they may seem to you.
While you’ve had a very unique experience growing up that may have wired you in a certain way, this is not basis to the fact that you cannot live in any other way or change your mind (e.g. how sure are you of not having a job because you can take “another person telling me what to do” as opposed to just being plain afraid of doing something that you have virtually never done before?) I think navigating this reversal in assumptions will bring the most value to you and your content here.
I really enjoyed the post, and I appreciate reading about your experience and honesty. This unique experience in life that you had will bring unique insight, and I think this is how you can help others.
Thank you for your kind words. Both being independent, and to an even greater degree, belonging to a group that cares about me, feel extremely distant. The latter often feels impossible. I can’t even clearly imagine what that would be like. When I try to, it seems stifling. I would have to care about them in turn! I would have to obey their group norms! And depressed-me sees only darkness and burden there, even though I have sometimes been around people and felt very good as a result—because depressed-me cannot remember or imagine feeling good at all, and doesn’t understand it. These mood swings are very frustrating, as they drastically modify my sense of what is real, and make me a less trustworthy person.
And yes, the fear of jobs is mostly about fear of doing things I’ve never done before. Same with college etc. It’s very hard for me to try new things.
I didn’t read any bad intent from P on his/her comment. And I also got the general sense from the post: of looking for help rather than us telling how you can help LW, and I’m guessing that was the nature of the comment.
I feel like you are quite a smart person (and still very young) but with the wrong assumptions that may be blocking a very meaningful self-development that is key to life (being independent/belonging to a group that cares about you) and I think you will be benefit greatly from trying to accomplish these goals however hard they may seem to you.
While you’ve had a very unique experience growing up that may have wired you in a certain way, this is not basis to the fact that you cannot live in any other way or change your mind (e.g. how sure are you of not having a job because you can take “another person telling me what to do” as opposed to just being plain afraid of doing something that you have virtually never done before?) I think navigating this reversal in assumptions will bring the most value to you and your content here.
I really enjoyed the post, and I appreciate reading about your experience and honesty. This unique experience in life that you had will bring unique insight, and I think this is how you can help others.
Thank you for your kind words. Both being independent, and to an even greater degree, belonging to a group that cares about me, feel extremely distant. The latter often feels impossible. I can’t even clearly imagine what that would be like. When I try to, it seems stifling. I would have to care about them in turn! I would have to obey their group norms! And depressed-me sees only darkness and burden there, even though I have sometimes been around people and felt very good as a result—because depressed-me cannot remember or imagine feeling good at all, and doesn’t understand it. These mood swings are very frustrating, as they drastically modify my sense of what is real, and make me a less trustworthy person.
And yes, the fear of jobs is mostly about fear of doing things I’ve never done before. Same with college etc. It’s very hard for me to try new things.