If someone lowers your status and you act offended, then it makes you look weak because it confirms that they’ve successfully hurt you. What you could do in those situations is to offer them advice on how not to offend you—promote their communication skills. That way you reassert your authority by determining the standard of dialogue you allow around you and potentially improve them as a resource.
That said. There’s a difference between discounting a certain noise level of offence—I’ll try not to be offended if I believe you’re honestly offering criticism and don’t meant to offend me. And discounting all offence.
I would suggest that the former is vastly preferable. If someone rocks up to you and starts tearing a strip off it seems worth getting offended over.
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I’m not sure I buy into Machiavelli’s idea that accepting advice lowers your status though. Well, not entirely anyway.
In old Chinese courts courtiers used to advise their Emperors by means of heavenly prophecy. In—I forget which king’s reign it was but in France—a king was famous for having two people on opposing sides of an issue debate it and then saying ‘we shall see’, and that was how he got his advice, he was one of the most powerful, at least in political terms, kings that France ever had IIRC.
So there are ways of mitigating it without having to shut yourself off completely from advice, as Machiavelli supposes.
And then a lot of it depends on how you react to the advice, and how it’s given—even if it’s given directly in person. If someone comes up to you and is all pro-social: “Hey we could do this too and it might work even better!” “Fantastic, why don’t you come on board and head up that part of it?” That’s potentially something that’s been good for both of you and made more people want to work with you and share their ideas—and that gives you more power, not less.
Working with others is a very complicated sort of thing. I think the most important lesson of it may well be that power tends to be lent by others, for their own purposes. If you have ‘power’ over a bunch of people but none of them want to work with you your effective power is often very close to 0.
I don’t think Machiavelli would actually disagree with you to any large extent (although he does not consider delegation here). He writes:
A prince, therefore, ought always to take counsel, but only when he wishes and not when others wish; he ought rather to discourage every one from offering advice unless he asks it; but, however, he ought to be a constant inquirer, and afterwards a patient listener concerning the things of which he inquired; also, on learning that any one, on any consideration, has not told him the truth, he should let his anger be felt.
There’s also an OB discussion about why taking advice might lower your status.
If someone lowers your status and you act offended, then it makes you look weak because it confirms that they’ve successfully hurt you. What you could do in those situations is to offer them advice on how not to offend you—promote their communication skills. That way you reassert your authority by determining the standard of dialogue you allow around you and potentially improve them as a resource.
That said. There’s a difference between discounting a certain noise level of offence—I’ll try not to be offended if I believe you’re honestly offering criticism and don’t meant to offend me. And discounting all offence.
I would suggest that the former is vastly preferable. If someone rocks up to you and starts tearing a strip off it seems worth getting offended over.
#
I’m not sure I buy into Machiavelli’s idea that accepting advice lowers your status though. Well, not entirely anyway.
In old Chinese courts courtiers used to advise their Emperors by means of heavenly prophecy. In—I forget which king’s reign it was but in France—a king was famous for having two people on opposing sides of an issue debate it and then saying ‘we shall see’, and that was how he got his advice, he was one of the most powerful, at least in political terms, kings that France ever had IIRC.
So there are ways of mitigating it without having to shut yourself off completely from advice, as Machiavelli supposes.
And then a lot of it depends on how you react to the advice, and how it’s given—even if it’s given directly in person. If someone comes up to you and is all pro-social: “Hey we could do this too and it might work even better!” “Fantastic, why don’t you come on board and head up that part of it?” That’s potentially something that’s been good for both of you and made more people want to work with you and share their ideas—and that gives you more power, not less.
Working with others is a very complicated sort of thing. I think the most important lesson of it may well be that power tends to be lent by others, for their own purposes. If you have ‘power’ over a bunch of people but none of them want to work with you your effective power is often very close to 0.
I don’t think Machiavelli would actually disagree with you to any large extent (although he does not consider delegation here). He writes:
There’s also an OB discussion about why taking advice might lower your status.