Any model makes some inaccurate predictions but models can retain utility despite significant propensities for inaccuracy. Inaccurate predictions aid the choice of models for future predictions. Because of this, the central scientific problem in the computational study of the MBH mechanism is not the inaccuracy of the predictions. Rather, it is the absence of any particular prediction at all.
--R. Erik Plata and Daniel A. Singleton, A Case Study of the Mechanism of Alcohol-Mediated Morita Baylis-Hillman Reactions. The Importance of Experimental Observations.
Ok, look, I get that you are trying hard to be a good person, and that’s great, but you’re not doing such a great job of it right now. And I think that’s kind of the crux here: You’ve somehow gotten the idea that being a Good Person automatically makes you good at it, or should, whatever that means.
You say that you like helping people. I identify with that. I like helping people too. But all that really tells you is how I get my jollies, you know? Other people are not obliged to give me said jollies by being helped, and they may have good reasons not to. Here are some possible reasons:
They don’t think they need my help.
They don’t think I am competent to help them, and perhaps are worried that I may make things worse.
They suspect that I am optimizing for fuzzies rather than for actually helping, which may cause conflict or poor outcomes from their point of view.
They feel disrespected by the implication that I am in a position to help them, and fear loss of status.
Now, you may think some of these reasons are mistaken or irrational (I think any of them might be perfectly sane, myself), but the fact remains that people are quite possibly going to have these concerns, and if I can’t address them, I will not be a very good helper. Notice that none of these reasons is “They fail to empathize with me and understand how happy I would be to help them,” which is the only concern I see you trying to address here. Why should they care how happy it will make me?
Humility gets a bad rap on LW, but I think in this case it’s exactly what’s needed, because if you want to help people properly, you’ve got to remember that helping isn’t about you. You have to respect their goals and their autonomy, all the more if they really do need your help and you are in a position of power over them. Love is great and all, but it’s not something you ought to force on anyone.