But that method is much higher variability. It might make said people uncomfortable, and they may not be very helpful unless they have a strong desire to help you.
A guy who had asked me out and been turned down asked me this. It made me pretty uncomfortable. I would say things like, “You could wear this sort of thing, but there’s an element of personal style, what do you prefer?” and he would say things like “What do you like most?” Being directly asked how to optimize his fashion for causing me to be attracted to him was… not an attractant, and made me feel really weird. I don’t feel comfortable telling someone who I’m not currently dating how I would prefer them to dress.
You can go about this more tactfully, but there’s still some weird subtext even so.
“Don’t ask women for advice on dating women unless you’re already dating them” seems like a really terrible loop of suck. I agree that you probably shouldn’t respond to someone turning you down with “If I had been wearing THIS what would you have said?” but I think if you avoid things like that you’re probably fine.
But that method is much higher variability. It might make said people uncomfortable, and they may not be very helpful unless they have a strong desire to help you.
A guy who had asked me out and been turned down asked me this. It made me pretty uncomfortable. I would say things like, “You could wear this sort of thing, but there’s an element of personal style, what do you prefer?” and he would say things like “What do you like most?” Being directly asked how to optimize his fashion for causing me to be attracted to him was… not an attractant, and made me feel really weird. I don’t feel comfortable telling someone who I’m not currently dating how I would prefer them to dress.
You can go about this more tactfully, but there’s still some weird subtext even so.
(We ended up dating later despite this.)
“Don’t ask women for advice on dating women unless you’re already dating them” seems like a really terrible loop of suck. I agree that you probably shouldn’t respond to someone turning you down with “If I had been wearing THIS what would you have said?” but I think if you avoid things like that you’re probably fine.