Thank you for writing this; I’m sure it must have been incredibly challenging to put this into words, and I want to explicitly convey my appreciation. No community is immune to bad actors, and it is vitally important that we act with that knowledge.
I do not personally know anyone involved, and have no more access to the facts of the case than what is presented here and in linked posts, but it seems to me that Alex is probably not engaging in a good-faith dispute over the definition of assault. By this I mean that I would not expect there to be any statement you could give which (if true) would lead to him saying “oh, I guess I did assault you then.” Personal experience with (friends who’ve interacted with) abusers has led me to believe that there is a strong tendency towards public denial of the facts of the case, regardless of what is said or admitted in private. As such, I’d encourage you not to doubt yourself (or your memories) too much if he ends up saying that events happened differently than how you remember or something—this would not be an unexpected response, and it would be bad if you updated too strongly against your own self-confidence as a result. (I’m saying this because, again based on personal experience with friends in similar situations, self-doubt seems to be a common pattern when dealing with this sort of thing)
Of course the reality of the situation may actually be different than what appears to me based on publicly accessible data, so take all of the above as being conditional on that, as I may be misreading what’s going on. If so, apologies for any misunderstandings. Sending love and support your way :)
Thank you Yitz for this caring and reflective message. Thank you for sharing what you’ve experienced and witnessed with friends. Creating healthier boundaries, good therapy, and connecting with others regarding their experiences of sexual harassment and molestation at the MA—and subsequent removal and ostracization when they complained has helped me to remain clear in the face of gaslighting and denial from Alex and other persons who are a part of the MA.
I’ve done what I can to raise a red flag for others and to expose what to me is a systemic issue regarding the abuses of power, lack of experience/competence, and organizational/structural factors that contribute to harm. To be clear I think the majority of abuse happening at the MA is spiritual, psychological and emotional rather then sexual (though I am not the first and will likely not be the last if real change doesn occur) and exists within a cultic dynamic. I think many current and former members have been embedded in a framework that creates an alternate sense of reality, brainwashing, vulnerability, emeshment, dissolving of personal boundaries and agency, assuming of a cult identity, delusional/lying to themselves, guru worship, cognitive dissonance, dysregulation of nervous systems, extreme fear and a sense of the rest of the world being bad, and a belief that they are doing and accomplishing something when in fact they offer no real contribution to the world. They meditate a lot and the environment produces shitty leadership. There do have profound mystic experiences, they do form close bounds with other community/cult members, and some people value their experiences there but from where I’m sitting I haven’t seen those people demonstrate the capacity, skill, attunement, wisdom, responsibility or compassion that they believe themselves to be striving for. It’s a sad situation. I think people waste a lot of time there and even if they themselves don’t get severely traumatized there they come out with a distorted sense of leadership and reality that makes it hard to interface with the rest of the world or genuinely have a positive impact.
The reality is I would not have chosen to share my personal experience of sexual assault if it did not exist within the context of a systemic pattern of abuse affecting many persons in that environment. In many ways, the responses of Alex and the organization are to be expected and follow the typical patterns of many abusers. It is unlikely that there will be an admission of responsibility both because of the legal and social consequences of admitting responsibility and because of the cultic dynamics present. The lack of accountability, victim-blaming, obvious conflicts of interest, and absence of compassion or truth-seeking in the responses of the organization, Alex, and some other current members further demonstrates the patterns to which I am attempting to alert others too. They are painful to read and it is painful to see my ex-partner’s denial, confusion, and continued entanglement with a “spiritual teacher” I believe is very unsafe both for himself and others. I will not be updating my sense of reality or confidence against the perceptions and interpretations of those I believe are a bit out of touch with reality or in some combination of denial/delusion/dishonesty with themselves and others. I know what I experienced with Alex and the MA- even if it is a bit unclear to me at times which actions were motivated by clear intent vs. dysregulation, unskillfulness, negligence, and incompetence. I believe that the difficult responses and attempts to reframe events or reverse blame in those responses make it easier for some people (especially those familiar with patterns of abuse) to see what I am attempting to illuminate. My hope is that others will be empowered to make healthier choices for themselves about their involvement and/or if they choose to engage in that environment they will be more aware when harm is happening in that context. Already a number of people have contacted me about their own past experiences, their consideration of becoming involved, and/or their decision not to become involved, or their recognition of how unhealthy their involvement with the organization was. At this point in time, I feel that while I had hoped for more genuine and productive reflection from Alex and the organization—my open letter has accomplished its purpose of sharing my experience and feedback with the organization and broader community and alerting others to the concerns I have about how the organization is operating.
Sending love and support back your way, to those friends, and to anyone else who found themselves in like circumstances. May you be well, and thank you for taking the time to read and respond.
Thank you for writing this; I’m sure it must have been incredibly challenging to put this into words, and I want to explicitly convey my appreciation. No community is immune to bad actors, and it is vitally important that we act with that knowledge. I do not personally know anyone involved, and have no more access to the facts of the case than what is presented here and in linked posts, but it seems to me that Alex is probably not engaging in a good-faith dispute over the definition of assault. By this I mean that I would not expect there to be any statement you could give which (if true) would lead to him saying “oh, I guess I did assault you then.” Personal experience with (friends who’ve interacted with) abusers has led me to believe that there is a strong tendency towards public denial of the facts of the case, regardless of what is said or admitted in private. As such, I’d encourage you not to doubt yourself (or your memories) too much if he ends up saying that events happened differently than how you remember or something—this would not be an unexpected response, and it would be bad if you updated too strongly against your own self-confidence as a result. (I’m saying this because, again based on personal experience with friends in similar situations, self-doubt seems to be a common pattern when dealing with this sort of thing) Of course the reality of the situation may actually be different than what appears to me based on publicly accessible data, so take all of the above as being conditional on that, as I may be misreading what’s going on. If so, apologies for any misunderstandings. Sending love and support your way :)
Thank you Yitz for this caring and reflective message. Thank you for sharing what you’ve experienced and witnessed with friends. Creating healthier boundaries, good therapy, and connecting with others regarding their experiences of sexual harassment and molestation at the MA—and subsequent removal and ostracization when they complained has helped me to remain clear in the face of gaslighting and denial from Alex and other persons who are a part of the MA.
I’ve done what I can to raise a red flag for others and to expose what to me is a systemic issue regarding the abuses of power, lack of experience/competence, and organizational/structural factors that contribute to harm. To be clear I think the majority of abuse happening at the MA is spiritual, psychological and emotional rather then sexual (though I am not the first and will likely not be the last if real change doesn occur) and exists within a cultic dynamic. I think many current and former members have been embedded in a framework that creates an alternate sense of reality, brainwashing, vulnerability, emeshment, dissolving of personal boundaries and agency, assuming of a cult identity, delusional/lying to themselves, guru worship, cognitive dissonance, dysregulation of nervous systems, extreme fear and a sense of the rest of the world being bad, and a belief that they are doing and accomplishing something when in fact they offer no real contribution to the world. They meditate a lot and the environment produces shitty leadership. There do have profound mystic experiences, they do form close bounds with other community/cult members, and some people value their experiences there but from where I’m sitting I haven’t seen those people demonstrate the capacity, skill, attunement, wisdom, responsibility or compassion that they believe themselves to be striving for. It’s a sad situation. I think people waste a lot of time there and even if they themselves don’t get severely traumatized there they come out with a distorted sense of leadership and reality that makes it hard to interface with the rest of the world or genuinely have a positive impact.
The reality is I would not have chosen to share my personal experience of sexual assault if it did not exist within the context of a systemic pattern of abuse affecting many persons in that environment. In many ways, the responses of Alex and the organization are to be expected and follow the typical patterns of many abusers. It is unlikely that there will be an admission of responsibility both because of the legal and social consequences of admitting responsibility and because of the cultic dynamics present. The lack of accountability, victim-blaming, obvious conflicts of interest, and absence of compassion or truth-seeking in the responses of the organization, Alex, and some other current members further demonstrates the patterns to which I am attempting to alert others too. They are painful to read and it is painful to see my ex-partner’s denial, confusion, and continued entanglement with a “spiritual teacher” I believe is very unsafe both for himself and others. I will not be updating my sense of reality or confidence against the perceptions and interpretations of those I believe are a bit out of touch with reality or in some combination of denial/delusion/dishonesty with themselves and others. I know what I experienced with Alex and the MA- even if it is a bit unclear to me at times which actions were motivated by clear intent vs. dysregulation, unskillfulness, negligence, and incompetence. I believe that the difficult responses and attempts to reframe events or reverse blame in those responses make it easier for some people (especially those familiar with patterns of abuse) to see what I am attempting to illuminate. My hope is that others will be empowered to make healthier choices for themselves about their involvement and/or if they choose to engage in that environment they will be more aware when harm is happening in that context. Already a number of people have contacted me about their own past experiences, their consideration of becoming involved, and/or their decision not to become involved, or their recognition of how unhealthy their involvement with the organization was. At this point in time, I feel that while I had hoped for more genuine and productive reflection from Alex and the organization—my open letter has accomplished its purpose of sharing my experience and feedback with the organization and broader community and alerting others to the concerns I have about how the organization is operating.
Sending love and support back your way, to those friends, and to anyone else who found themselves in like circumstances. May you be well, and thank you for taking the time to read and respond.