In telling stories about acquaintances, should I be explicit with names?
It helps follow the story, makes it more personal, and follow up stories paint a better overall picture. On introductions, ‘Oh, I’ve heard a lot about you!’ is great, too.
On the other hand, sometimes you end up telling stories that may be slightly embarrassing for some concerned. In being explicit with their names, you may end up making the recipient less likely to open up to you (or I would assume so: I don’t remember if I ever decided to be less open to someone merely because that, even after being surprised by hearing a story back from a third person. OTOH, I did definitely think deeply about my relationship with people who have a habit of shit-talking people behind their backs.)
Any other considerations? Which would you consider more appropriate?
Depending on what level you are playing at. The safe strategy is to mention specific people only if the story reflects unilaterally positively on them.
Because even if you think the story reflects on average positively for them, you are at risk that they will calculate the averages differently than you (e.g. the embarassing part may be their very sensitive spot), or more likely, that the story may reach them in a modified form, where the embarassing parts are remembered and exaggerated, while the positive parts are left out. But still the person will say that ‘this is the story you told them’, and upon confrontation it will be awkward to explain that “yeah, I kinda said that, but not exactly like this, and also I said this and that” when the target person is already angry at you.
Generally, you should assume that ‘the world is smaller than you expect’, that is, once in a while you will learn afterwards that two random people actually know each other. Most of the time this is not the case, but when it is, it could come costly.
Ask yourself why you are telling a story. If what you want is to share a good story, don’t tell their names. If you want to inform a listener about specific actions of a person, say, to warn them, then you have to tell their names
In telling stories about acquaintances, should I be explicit with names? It helps follow the story, makes it more personal, and follow up stories paint a better overall picture.
It depends on the context. Do you think the person would want their name associated with the story? Have you heard the context in a confidential setting?
How confidential is the setting in which you are speaking? If I’m talking to my girlfriend I try to use names for most stories that aren’t confidential. If I’m talking to strangers I will less likely use names for sensitive stories.
If I’m talking on the LW I don’t use any names for stories I tell unless the person in question signaled they are okay with the story being public. I don’t use the name of my girlfriend in this paragraph.
I have tried with or without names; for me it would depend how close I am to the person I am telling the story to.
And depend if the 3rd party is known in positive/negative light. i.e. story that involves an ex to a current partner.
I think you might be over thinking this because for the most part it doesn’t matter, however if you are developing a rule of thumb; if a story gives positive credit—name the person, if not positive, skip the name.
In telling stories about acquaintances, should I be explicit with names? It helps follow the story, makes it more personal, and follow up stories paint a better overall picture. On introductions, ‘Oh, I’ve heard a lot about you!’ is great, too. On the other hand, sometimes you end up telling stories that may be slightly embarrassing for some concerned. In being explicit with their names, you may end up making the recipient less likely to open up to you (or I would assume so: I don’t remember if I ever decided to be less open to someone merely because that, even after being surprised by hearing a story back from a third person. OTOH, I did definitely think deeply about my relationship with people who have a habit of shit-talking people behind their backs.)
Any other considerations? Which would you consider more appropriate?
If names are needed to keep a story clear, you can use made-up names.
Depending on what level you are playing at. The safe strategy is to mention specific people only if the story reflects unilaterally positively on them.
Because even if you think the story reflects on average positively for them, you are at risk that they will calculate the averages differently than you (e.g. the embarassing part may be their very sensitive spot), or more likely, that the story may reach them in a modified form, where the embarassing parts are remembered and exaggerated, while the positive parts are left out. But still the person will say that ‘this is the story you told them’, and upon confrontation it will be awkward to explain that “yeah, I kinda said that, but not exactly like this, and also I said this and that” when the target person is already angry at you.
Generally, you should assume that ‘the world is smaller than you expect’, that is, once in a while you will learn afterwards that two random people actually know each other. Most of the time this is not the case, but when it is, it could come costly.
Ask yourself why you are telling a story. If what you want is to share a good story, don’t tell their names. If you want to inform a listener about specific actions of a person, say, to warn them, then you have to tell their names
It depends on the context. Do you think the person would want their name associated with the story? Have you heard the context in a confidential setting?
How confidential is the setting in which you are speaking? If I’m talking to my girlfriend I try to use names for most stories that aren’t confidential. If I’m talking to strangers I will less likely use names for sensitive stories. If I’m talking on the LW I don’t use any names for stories I tell unless the person in question signaled they are okay with the story being public. I don’t use the name of my girlfriend in this paragraph.
I have tried with or without names; for me it would depend how close I am to the person I am telling the story to.
And depend if the 3rd party is known in positive/negative light. i.e. story that involves an ex to a current partner.
I think you might be over thinking this because for the most part it doesn’t matter, however if you are developing a rule of thumb; if a story gives positive credit—name the person, if not positive, skip the name.