I feel like this has been recommended before on LW (perhaps https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/Bgt236xrd5j2uAnQJ/leaving-orbit#JEHHGMtvy9fGjwDGw). For most cases where you’re part of the forum/community/discussion intentionally and still intend to do so in the future, I recommend being very clear that you will likely read further responses, but not respond. Getting the last word and then cutting the connection is pretty rude.
I also recommend, in some cases, just ghosting. There are plenty of low-value discussions where there’s either no goodwill to maintain, or no actual value in further commentary, and it’s best to just leave and not come back. If Sisyphus doesn’t actually care if the rock is up or down, he should just wander over to some more pleasant part of Hades.
Part of this is identifying and de-fanging the compulsion portion of the experience, and moving back toward goal-directed behaviors.
I agree with you that just ghosting often seems preferable to stopping out loud, but not always. There are occasions where a bully is truly at risk of dominating a meaningful online conversational space, and maintaining your presence and voice there without wasting energy on the bully is actually important. I also agree that reading but not responding is an option. The challenge, to me, is that when you expect the response to be abusive, but still feel like it’s important to say your say, I think it’s important to reinforce that people needn’t feel that writing a comment comes with a commitment to put themselves through the experience of reading the abusive reply.
Part of this is identifying and de-fanging the compulsion portion of the experience, and moving back toward goal-directed behaviors.
Yes, that is one of the central motivations for using this technique. I’m a verbal thinker, and for obscure psychological reasons, it really helps me to write or say what I’m doing, rather than just to think it internally or just doing it. Maybe that is uncommon, but I personally think it’s common enough to address.
I feel like this has been recommended before on LW (perhaps https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/Bgt236xrd5j2uAnQJ/leaving-orbit#JEHHGMtvy9fGjwDGw). For most cases where you’re part of the forum/community/discussion intentionally and still intend to do so in the future, I recommend being very clear that you will likely read further responses, but not respond. Getting the last word and then cutting the connection is pretty rude.
I also recommend, in some cases, just ghosting. There are plenty of low-value discussions where there’s either no goodwill to maintain, or no actual value in further commentary, and it’s best to just leave and not come back. If Sisyphus doesn’t actually care if the rock is up or down, he should just wander over to some more pleasant part of Hades.
Part of this is identifying and de-fanging the compulsion portion of the experience, and moving back toward goal-directed behaviors.
I agree with you that just ghosting often seems preferable to stopping out loud, but not always. There are occasions where a bully is truly at risk of dominating a meaningful online conversational space, and maintaining your presence and voice there without wasting energy on the bully is actually important. I also agree that reading but not responding is an option. The challenge, to me, is that when you expect the response to be abusive, but still feel like it’s important to say your say, I think it’s important to reinforce that people needn’t feel that writing a comment comes with a commitment to put themselves through the experience of reading the abusive reply.
Yes, that is one of the central motivations for using this technique. I’m a verbal thinker, and for obscure psychological reasons, it really helps me to write or say what I’m doing, rather than just to think it internally or just doing it. Maybe that is uncommon, but I personally think it’s common enough to address.